Engagement ring advice please

CyberJuice

Greetings

Ive been thinking recently about engagements and how i would go about doing it should the day ever arise.

Im just wondering do i buy a ring and propose to her and hope that it fits her finger?if it doesnt fit do i take it off her bring it back and get it resized and then give it to her when its resized

Also i dont have much money.
Obviously many women will have different opinions on this subject of how much a ring should cost,im a man and i have no idea what i should spend,obviously i only want to spend what i can afford.i dont want to take out loans and have to pay off a ring over the next 2 years,i have other debts im currently paying off..How much is acceptable without being too cheap?

Do you have to have the ring if you want to propse? is there any way around this.or is it best to just not propose untill you have saved up an adequate amount of cash for a decent ring,which could take a year to save up that amount of cash

Ickle Magoo

Moved from PI.

This is the best forum for asking advice on engagement/wedding matters.

All the best! :cool:

HairMonster

Hi CyberJuice,
No, you don't need to have the ring when you propose, most couples I know went ring shopping together after he proposed.

Opinions vary, but personally I really think its a bad idea to pick the ring for her. I would rather pick my own ring - I'm the one who'll be wearing it every day for the rest of my life so I want one I really like!
But if you do decide to buy it beforehand, you can get it resized if it doesn't fit her.

As for the price it really shouldn't matter, although I know of some girls who say they would be disgusted if it didn't cost at least €X,000. To me that's plain selfish and silly... if she expects you to take out a loan for the ring then how does she expect to pay for the wedding???:mad:

Rew

I got a nice mockup ring on loan from a jeweler and used that then let her pick here own. You could easily by a nice costume ring as well. Gives here something to wear until she gets the real thing.

Gatica

I know someone who got a lovely necklace as a token on the day he proposed. Then they picked the ring together. A mock-up sounds like a nice idea too.
I'd heard from people before that it should cost 1/8 of your annual salary, but that's probably a number someone picked or made up and then propagated (like me here ), cos then you'd get into: well is that net or gross and if you've high expenditure etc... if you get my drift.
I think any reasonable girl would understand that you're doing it under a budget and you'll get the best you can afford without getting into debt and the like. If you plan to go shopping for a ring together, try to see if the jewellers you plan to visit would take out a selection only within your budget (maybe do that discretely before you head there together), so you don't get into a situation where she loves the ring, but it's way out of price-range.

fred252

you could sneakily borrow a ring that she wears and find out what size she is.

Bride2012

My fiance proposed with a cubic zirconia ring for about €30 and we went ring shopping that weekend. You can get them in Argos for under a tenor so it can act as a symbol. I wear mine on my right hand sometimes still. I'm glad I picked my own, so hard to know. Good luck.

HairMonster

Gatica wrote: »

I know someone who got a lovely necklace as a token on the day he proposed.

Ooh, I love that idea!
I've just remembered, wasn't a gift of a watch the sign of a secret engagement? Though a watch isn't very romantic:) but it shows that another item of jewellery can be used until you get the ring, and a necklace is a lovely idea.

HairMonster

I've just had another thought... its a bit quirky, but charm bracelets are very popular these days, so if she has one you could buy her an engagement ring charm just as a token! Here's the Thomas Sabo one but I've seen lots on the internet when I was looking for one for an engagement gift for a friend. I don't know if you can get one with a real diamond.
Like I said its quirky, but its a ring and she can still wear it after she gets her real one!

Gatica

fred252 wrote: »

you could sneakily borrow a ring that she wears and find out what size she is.

In theory it's a good idea, however you'd have to get a ring she wears on the wedding finger, which I'm sure she does not, as your left and right hand are in fact slightly different sizes, so it's unlikely you could go by just the equivalent on her right hand. The jewellers we went to said you're usually half a size bigger on the hand you write with, that can be something to go by I suppose, but it's always best to get properly sized as fingers swell up and shrink with heat or cold and whether or not you were doing manual work.

Moonbeam

I am half a size smaller on the hand that I write with:)
You could pick a ring and later get it sized which will work unless she has tiny fingers.
I love the idea of a man going out and buying the ring himself and putting endless hours and suffering in to it though:) I think it is kind of romantic and shows dedication.

Bride2012

If anyone does go down the buying first and resizing later route then I would advise going only to very reputable resizers. My neighbour lost one of her stones and was told that the resizing weakened the clasp. Hers was reduced by 2 sizes though, less might be better.

Diamond Diva

I think you should leave her pick the ring herself. I loved picking my engagement ring out with my BF. We had such a lovely day.

With regard to the budget - how much were you thinking? Diamonds come in all shapes, sizes and budgets. Sapphires are much more wallet friendly compated to diamonds and they are really popular now after Wills gave Kate his mothers sapphire engagement ring.

Good luck!

Gatica

If you're not sure whether to pick out the ring first, then try to find out which she would prefer. Drop it in casual conversation about other friends of yours who may have got engaged (assuming you have someone you can talk about), say you thought it was pretty cool of him to pick out her ring, or the other way around and see if she agrees. At least by gauging her response you'll know the way to proceed...

HairMonster

+1 to Gaticas suggestion.
Or if you have a sister/close friend who you're willing to share it with, you could get them to bring it up in conversation to see her reaction. That way there's no hint that you're thinking about it.

I also know of a guy who asked his GF's sister to go ring shopping with him before he asked, although that put a lot of pressure on the sister!

CyberJuice

Thank you for all the replies guys.

ill have a think about it over the next few months and ill throw in the odd sneaky question to gauge a responce and see what happens..im liking the idea of buying some other kind of temporary ring as a place holder

spezi

Hi CyberJuice
check out this blog for some advice http://goo.gl/yXL24

Kilkenny is a good place for engagement ring shopping once you guys decide to venture out and get the real ring.

sandy_c

I got engaged a couple of weeks ago in Rome. My boyfriend now fiancée proposed to me with a engagement ring charm. He had the bracelet tucked away in his pocket. He wasn't sure about what i'd like and i loved the idea. I wear the bracelet on my right hand now. When we returned from holidays we went and picked my ring and i'm glad that he let me pick it, not that i don't trust him but i love the ring i chose When everyone ask me about the engagement they thought the idea was very romantic. It's Thomas Sabo - http://shop.thomassabo.com/IE-en/charm-club/engagement-ring/pid/0330-051-14

HairMonster

sandy_c wrote: »

I got engaged a couple of weeks ago in Rome. My boyfriend now fiancée proposed to me with a engagement ring charm. He had the bracelet tucked away in his pocket. He wasn't sure about what i'd like and i loved the idea. I wear the bracelet on my right hand now. When we returned from holidays we went and picked my ring and i'm glad that he let me pick it, not that i don't trust him but i love the ring i chose When everyone ask me about the engagement they thought the idea was very romantic. It's Thomas Sabo - http://shop.thomassabo.com/IE-en/charm-club/engagement-ring/pid/0330-051-14

:eek: Thats the charm I linked to here a couple of weeks ago... your fiance isn't the OP of this thread, is he?!!! Wouldn't that be a coincidence!!

niallam

Spend what you can afford on the ring, i've one friend that spent 12K on a ring and will be paying for it for the next 4 years, thats as well as the 35K wedding
If you feel that you need to impress her for some reason with something you can't afford maybe you need to re-think it all

Midnight Sundance

I remember seeing online an article about man made diamonds . Apparently they are real diamonds but made in a factory that uses machinery to speed up the process.

Apparently a fraction of the price of real diamond , dunno if they are good or much about them but maybe they are worth having a look at if money is tight. Just a suggestion.

homersimpson

Simple Advice

DONT DO IT

CyberJuice

lol thanks homer


thanks sandy that charm bracelet thing looks good,could be something to look into,il lsave the link for future reference

magneticimpulse

fred252 wrote: »

you could sneakily borrow a ring that she wears and find out what size she is.

I don't think this is a good idea, because it depends on which finger she wears the ring. I know from myself I never like wearing rings on my "ring" finger, i prefer my middle fingers....therefore those rings are too big for my ring finger.

You need to know the exact size of the finger she will actually wear the ring on. Also I find that with different temperatures the size of my fingers change size. Sometimes I find myself switching the ring to different fingers to compensate. If you are going to get an expensive diamond ring, you dont want that falling off so its important to get the correct size and not to just guess. Especially if you are spending alot of money on it.

rider66

We went ring shopping together afterward. She'll be the one wearing it and you might be pleasantly surprised by her choice. But be prepared, and talk about the purchase - after you propose. I'd suggest giving her a token when you propose - a rose, maybe a "lucky sixpence" or some other small meaningful thing. If you're hoping to marry her, you will be having a lot of money discussions or arguments in time - you both need to communicate expectations and limitations honestly from the start. And this is a VERY bad time to be buying gold - terribly expensive and the market will eventually crash, like everything else! DON'T worry about being 'cheap' in the eyes of anyone but her, and that's assuming she's a reasonable woman. Estate jewelry and family heirlooms are also an alternative to consider. I'll be using "old gold" for my wedding band and having it recast into a custom band to fit my engagement ring. Which reminds me, the shape of the engagement ring will dictate the shape of the wedding band. So the band will cost more but it's also a bargaining chip when negotiating the price of the engagement ring. Ring shopping may be the time for you two to practice your negotiating skills on jewelers...you'll need those skills when it comes to the wedding! Negotiate and research - there are deals to be had and wonderful vendors, you just need to find them!

Having said that, don't have a stroke if she wants to try on the 10,000 euro rock - most of us don't get the chance to do that very often and it can be so much fun!! While she's trying on rings that you couldn't possibly begin to afford just keep reminding yourself how many shoes / dresses / handbags / whatever that she tries on before she sets her mind on a purchase. That should help keep your blood pressure under control!

My last suggestion is to not wait for 'enough money' - money will never be as valuable as the memories you make together! Congratulations and Good luck!