Constantly Worrying

LegacyUser

Basically I'm an 18 year old girl just starting 6th year and I have very few friends none of them male. I have a group of 4 other close friends who are more or less the same as me bar one who has a boyfriend and another who has one male friend but I literally have no one. I'm constantly worrying about not having kissed anyone, who would go with me to my debs and just not having many friends.

We've just started back to school and already people are talking about debs committees and every time its mentioned I get a knot in my stomach because I literally know Nobody that would ask me and I have no one I could ask. I have no guy friends whatsoever and I've left it too late to start making them in school as its now 6th year and everybody has their friends and basically I have been so introverted and stuck within my small group that I've left myself with no options. I'm invited nowhere on weekends unless its to do something during the day with my group of friends.

Basically please can people help? I'm just so miserable and I can't wait to finish school simply because I want a fresh start in uni, somewhere I can be myself from the start and make as many friends as possible. But then the debs is looming over me and I would like to go but I couldn't face turning up by myself and looking, well, I guess like a loner (even though thats what I am!) and I can't explain to my parents that I'm not going because I have no one to go with because both of them were extremely outgoing and confident at my age and I'm not close to either of them at all.

Im sorry for the long post I just needed to get every thing out and I hope that someone can help me and give me some advice about what to do.

Wolfe Tone

College will be much much better.

TBH too much fuss is made over the debs, maybe thats because I'm a guy, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Its a night out where everyone gets hammered, its decent craic, but its not the be all and end all. I thought I would end up going to mine without a date (good few of my friends went by themselves and had great craic) but everything worked out and I got a date.

I wouldn't worry about not kissing anyone, its not that big of a deal, really! Lots of people in the same position, I know for a FACT there are a lot of lads in a situation just like yours!

And you're not a loner! 4 close friends are worth way more than tons of acquaintances! I'm very much a lone wolf, I have a good few drinking buddies, but only one or two at most who I would consider close friends and would open up to.

But seriously, my advice would be to concentrate on studying and get the college course you want. I'm going into second year in college now and it is so much better than secondary in every conceivable way. One thing I would recommend would be to move out and stay on campus if at all possible.

stinkle

Hi there,

wow I could have written that post when I was in 6th year (9 years ago). All things debs-related made me worry a lot. It's a bit early to write off going though, please don't do that. A date isn't the be-all and end-all thing either, BUT as a girl I know it's important. A lot of my mates (including myself!) ended up trying to find someone at the last minute, it doesnt have to be a "romantic" date or anything! Its great to go with a friend anyway as its more fun you say you dont have many guy friends, and I know 6th year is busy, but maybe join a club or some extra-curricular thing and you might make some friends you can ask.

you say some of your friends have boyfriends, might they have friends you can ask?? thats how me and most of my friends got debs dates. that might be a good thing for when the debs actually comes around - im assuming your school is all-girls, sorry if I'm wrong - as your mates' bfs might not know many other guys, they'd be happy if a mate of theirs was also there. Don't forget that boys schools have debs too, you could return the favour! On the other hand, if your school is co-ed then start making boy friends in your class! I'm sure plenty of them would be delighted to go with you, I can guarantee they're even worse about asking girls to go

Wolfe Tone is right, for what its worth, the debs is such an anti-climax. in my school plenty of girls fell out with each other and their dates on the night! Plus our debs was after most had started college, so there was all sorts of post-results bitchiness (like from people who were repeating/people who hadnt got their first choice/those who thought others were going to the snooty colleges). College is going to be amazing, so put your energy into that

LegacyUser

I sounded exactly like you in school. I didn't go to my debs either, for exactly the reason that I had no-one to ask. It was a bit tough for the week surrounding the debs when it was the only topic of conversation anyone had, but once it was over it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I went off to uni at the end of the year, have had an amazing time ever since and barely even think about anyone I went to school with now!

My advice would be that its not worth worrying about. It may seem like the most important thing in the world now but its really not. If you dont want to go then decide not to and stick to that- I lingered for ages considering various friends of friends as a potential "date" and worried myself sick about it tbh! If I'd just been one of the girls who said right from the start that they'd no interest in going then I probably would have been a lot happier that year.