Need help

JoeBloggzz

Hi folks,

Im a boards regular but I made this profile so I could ask this question anonymously...

I'm with a girl now 10 months, we're both in our mid 20's and live together. She has some serious issues from her past that effected her deeply and will be starting consoling soon.

She's a lovely girl and I genuinely love her to bits but when something bad happens or she's put under a small bit of strain she flips. It's like a switch, her personality changes and she turns into a monster. This can result in the least of an argument (most of which I bite my lip and try to calm her down) to the more extreme of her throwing stuff, lacing slaps and even trying to stab me.

I'm a big lad, she couldn't exactly hurt me and I would never lay a finger on a woman but its sole destroying have to restrain or even disarm the woman you love.

Every time she will eventually realise what she's doing and break down to.tears.... sometimes it'll take a couple of cycles of argument/rage/lash out/tears but eventually ill be able to calm her down.

A while back I finished with her, I calmly explained I couldn't do this anymore and left.... she took an overdose and split her wrists then called the gaurds who took her to hospital and called me. We ended up forgetting about the whole break up and just going back to normal. Now I feel like if I do break up with her she'll kill herself.

I don't want to finish with her, I love her to bits and I just wish she could be the girl she really is, it just sometimes this monster comes out and I'm back to restraining her or disarming her. It's killing me. I'm also starting to think this will never end. She went to counselling before but gave up a couple of sessions in.

I've called her mother and she's asked me can we not work it out, I really don't know what to do

gmac102

JoeBloggzz wrote: »

Hi folks,

Im a boards regular but I made this profile so I could ask this question anonymously...

I'm with a girl now 10 months, we're both in our mid 20's and live together. She has some serious issues from her past that effected her deeply and will be starting consoling soon.

She's a lovely girl and I genuinely love her to bits but when something bad happens or she's put under a small bit of strain she flips. It's like a switch, her personality changes and she turns into a monster. This can result in the least of an argument (most of which I bite my lip and try to calm her down) to the more extreme of her throwing stuff, lacing slaps and even trying to stab me.

I'm a big lad, she couldn't exactly hurt me and I would never lay a finger on a woman but its sole destroying have to restrain or even disarm the woman you love.

Every time she will eventually realise what she's doing and break down to.tears.... sometimes it'll take a couple of cycles of argument/rage/lash out/tears but eventually ill be able to calm her down.

A while back I finished with her, I calmly explained I couldn't do this anymore and left.... she took an overdose and split her wrists then called the gaurds who took her to hospital and called me. We ended up forgetting about the whole break up and just going back to normal. Now I feel like if I do break up with her she'll kill herself.

I don't want to finish with her, I love her to bits and I just wish she could be the girl she really is, it just sometimes this monster comes out and I'm back to restraining her or disarming her. It's killing me. I'm also starting to think this will never end. She went to counselling before but gave up a couple of sessions in.

I've called her mother and she's asked me can we not work it out, I really don't know what to do

You cannot save her. Only she can. My ex husband was similar to this, I went thru years of it!

Life shouldnt be like that.

Miss Fluff

JoeBloggzz wrote: »

I've called her mother and she's asked me can we not work it out, I really don't know what to do

Course she has. The girl is obviously a liability and totally out of control.

You're not a medical professional and that's what this girl needs. If she wants to commit suicide she will do it anyway so it's terribly cruel and manipulative of her to wave that particular threat in your face.

She has to attend counselling. Two sessions aren't going to fix her. I think you need to distance yourself for now and leave her in the hands of the professionals. Staying with her in the hope that you can fix her is unhealthy tbh.

Magicmatilda

The part that jumped out for me was her suicide attempt. If somebody wants to stop living, life is no longer an option for them, then they take an overdose and slit their wrists and wait to die. They do not take an overdose, slit their wrists and call the gaurds. Somebody does that when they want to live, when they want to be saved.

Now obviousely this girl has serious psychological issues, because if she did not she would not do this. She is probably very hurt and in a lot of emotional pain. That said you cannot save her. I would think she needs to see a psychiatrist as well as a counsellor as a counsellor cannot diagnose a psychological disorder and from your description it is very possible that is what she is suffering with.

Also 10 months seems very quick to be living together, though maybe thats just me. Only you know whether you should stay or go but either way even if you stay you cannot fix her. You can support her in fixing herself but if she is not willing to do that or not able to do that then maybe you might be better to leave for your own sake. Also she should know that it is completely unfair to have put you in the situation she did and she should be extremely apologetic for it.

Taltos

JoeBloggzz wrote: »

I don't want to finish with her, I love her to bits and I just wish she could be the girl she really is

Hate to break it to you - but she IS the girl she really IS.
The monster that comes out - that is HER.
You cannot cure her - all you can do is protect yourself - what happens next time you fail to restrain her? She stabs you or worse.
What would happen if there were kids in the mix.

She clearly needs help - and you are not the right person to give it to her. If ever there was a case of someone needing to be sectioned for their own protection and the protection of others it is this girl.

I know you are afraid that if you finish it she will try again - and you know she might - but it will be her choice - and in NO way are you responsible for the choices of others. You have to protect yourself here - and you have to wake up - the woman you loved is a lie - the monster you hate/fear/whatever - this is who she really is...

Sleepy

OP, get out before you're watching her mood swings being directed at your children. Being treated badly in the past gives her no more excuse for inexcusable behaviour than her abuser had.