To cut contact?

LegacyUser

Ok first things first, myself and my ex have been broken up now since June (after I found out that he repeatedly cheated on me when he was away). I took the break up pretty badly, I cried everyday and every night for 2 months and lost nearly 2 stone. He physically and mentally destroyed me. At the time I thought that he really didn’t care about our relationship, he went abroad again for a few weeks and never bothered to contact me. I would contact him regularly because I was such a mess but my attempts were rebuked each time. My ex is back now, but currently seems to have a renewed interest in me (constantly ringing me, texting etc). I met up with him last week for one last time, and he acted as if we had never broken up. Stipulations for the meeting included no attempt to kiss me, or make any move on me, this was ignored. When we were going for walks he would even attempt to hold my hand (no way would I allow people to see me doing this in public!). One of the reasons why I went down to him was to see if I had any real feelings left for him, I realised I do not thankfully. His behaviour (acting as if we were still together) was both fascinating for me and relatively disturbing, I could not see how someone who hurt me so much could be so dismissive of the last few months. This week, my ex has started to argue with me, random arguments over ridiculous things; he absolutely destroyed me last night with his insults and comments. We had been arguing since I told him I had kissed someone the other night, he went mental and accused me of being as “bad” as he is (I don’t think sleeping with multiple people in a relationship is comparable to a kiss when single?). He basically used every excuse to try and make me feel guilty about going off, insisting each time that he wasn’t angry about it, when clearly he was.

My question is whether or not I should break contact with this lad once and for all? He has a lot of alcohol related problems (I'm the only person that knows of this) and is extremely lonely at the moment, therefore I would like to stay in his life as a friend. However, I know that each time we meet up he will make a move on me and I fear that feelings may develop again. I feel perhaps that he had his fun when away and now is coming back to his “back up”? I got on really well when I met up with him, to the point that I decided to try and be friends with him, but I don’t know how he will cope with friendship only. I have no intention of getting back with him, never again will I put myself in such a vulnerable position but I don’t know what’s going on in his head? We don’t have any mutual friends (I never met any of his friends because in the year we were together he would never allow me to meet them) so if we did meet up it would just be the both of us, and like I said he has a tendency to ignore his past actions and pretend as if nothing has happened. I would really like to stay friends with him, but I don't know if it's going to work?!

I am a friend

Why would you want to stay friends with someone who shat on you from a height?

Then he continues to abuse you when ye are 'friends' and ignore your wishes.

When it's simplified like this, what do you think you should do?

fallen01angel

I am a friend wrote: »

Why would you want to stay friends with someone who shat on you from a height?

Then he continues to abuse you when ye are 'friends' and ignore your wishes.

When it's simplified like this, what do you think you should do?

+1.

You're ex sounds like a really horrible person,can't see any benefit in being friends with him.Best thing you could do is delete all contact numbers and be done with him.

LegacyUser

Trying to be friends with an ex out of pity when he clearly isn't over you strikes me as wrong on quite a few levels, tbh, and what he did to you only makes it worse. He doesn't deserve it, and I doubt it would help either of you.

Sephiroth_dude

Ya break contact with him,he's no good for you,anyone who cheats is no good to anyone.

seenitall

unregistered wrote: »

Trying to be friends with an ex out of pity when he clearly isn't over you strikes me as wrong on quite a few levels, tbh, and what he did to you only makes it worse. He doesn't deserve it, and I doubt it would help either of you.

LOL. If he's "over" the OP enough to cheat on her, and "over her" enough to disrespect her wishes and try and guilt-trip her, we can trust that he's "over her" enough not to warrant any concern or consideration whatsoever.

Get rid, OP. The guy doesn't deserve your friendship, but more importantly, you deserve to have a much better breed of "friend" than that. Believe it.

LegacyUser

Agree with everything said above ...

This guy sounds very similar to my ex. Was in similar situation, totally destroyed by break up and I did the friend thing for a while after, because I was concerned about him (drug related problems) and wanted to be there for him as a friend ..

Don't do it!! It will drag you down and destroy you! People like your ex don't change! he will take take take until he finds someone else to sap the goodness out of! He will use and abuse your "friendship" and believe me you will get absolutely nothing positive out of it!

A friendship has to be beneficial to both parties. If you stay friends with him you will constantly be there for him and he will never ever be there for you!

LegacyUser

Hey thanks for replies

Just got asked by the ex whether or not I wanted to get back with him? He basically said he wants to give it another shot, of course I said no, I'm a firm believer in the "once a cheater always a cheater" argument and I think I am perfectly justified in my thinking. Trouble is, now he wants nothing to do with me, its either "all or nothing" as he said, no friendship, nothing. Frankly, I'm starting to think the lad is a bit insane so I am running far away!!

musicinyou

tocutcontact wrote: »

Hey thanks for replies

Just got asked by the ex whether or not I wanted to get back with him? He basically said he wants to give it another shot, of course I said no, I'm a firm believer in the "once a cheater always a cheater" argument and I think I am perfectly justified in my thinking. Trouble is, now he wants nothing to do with me, its either "all or nothing" as he said, no friendship, nothing. Frankly, I'm starting to think the lad is a bit insane so I am running far away!!

dont think he sounds insane, he just sounds like an absolute doosh! leave him behind and move forward, you seem like a good soul and someone like that can only be a bad thing! id say good look and fook ye pal! nobody needs meffs like that!