did something mental

LegacyUser

ok, so i did something really stupid.
the guy who has been in my life for 2 years told me something, i didnt believe him and i 'checked up' on him.
now i was sly and underhand, pretty much psycho behaviour really.
i told him i did it. he thinks im mad.

now, im not trying to excuse my behaviour, its my responsibility, BUT i have spent years being messed around by him, not knowing where i stood etc. etc.
being told one thing but actions not backing up the statements.
my mind went crazy.

its my fault i know, i shouldve stopped things before they got this far.
never knowing made me suspicious. it drove me mad.
i cant believe ive got like this, a suspicious person, im not normally like this at all.

i know people here are going to say i shouldve walked when i felt my trust slipping.
i know i shouldnt have checked up.

i feel absolutley terrible. sick with myself. i have let myself down and embarrased myself.

i have apologised. nothing will ever be the same with us and i guess thats the final nail, so to speak.
i doubt he will ever see me the same way again.
what should i do?

Magicmatilda

Is this guy your boyfriend? - strange how you describe him "the guy who has been in my life for 2 years".

How did you "check up" on him. Did this involve an invasion of his privacy or did you just ask another person to verify.

If you feel bad about whatever this is then all you can do is apologise. This should clear you conscience somewhat.

More details might help people advise, its hard to make out the issue.

ElleEm

Look, sometimes curiosity can get the better of us. If you've been hurt before, you are only going to protect yourself and try for that not to happen again.

Fair play to you for telling him you checked up on him. He may seem angry now, but he might come around.

Just apologise and apologise.
Try to explain why you did what you did. If he understands, well that's great, but he may not. If he doesn't, just chalk it down to experience, and move on.

LegacyUser

no invasion of privacy, just tried to verify he was somewhere he said he was, i didnt believe him.

i didnt call him my boyfriend because he isnt really. that was always the problem.
i never knew where i stood, he wanting to be with me without 'commitment' so to speak.
thats what drove me mad!
no excuse i know.

guess i can never make this right

ElleEm

imcrazy wrote: »

no invasion of privacy, just tried to verify he was somewhere he said he was, i didnt believe him.

i didnt call him my boyfriend because he isnt really. that was always the problem.
i never knew where i stood, he wanting to be with me without 'commitment' so to speak.
thats what drove me mad!
no excuse i know.

guess i can never make this right

Maybe not with this guy but you've learnt for future relationships.

Kadongy

imcrazy wrote: »

ok, so i did something really stupid.
the guy who has been in my life for 2 years told me something, i didnt believe him and i 'checked up' on him.
now i was sly and underhand, pretty much psycho behaviour really.
i told him i did it. he thinks im mad.

now, im not trying to excuse my behaviour, its my responsibility, BUT i have spent years being messed around by him, not knowing where i stood etc. etc.
being told one thing but actions not backing up the statements.
my mind went crazy.

its my fault i know, i shouldve stopped things before they got this far.
never knowing made me suspicious. it drove me mad.
i cant believe ive got like this, a suspicious person, im not normally like this at all.

i know people here are going to say i shouldve walked when i felt my trust slipping.
i know i shouldnt have checked up.

i feel absolutley terrible. sick with myself. i have let myself down and embarrased myself.

i have apologised. nothing will ever be the same with us and i guess thats the final nail, so to speak.
i doubt he will ever see me the same way again.
what should i do?

sounds like he might be a narcissist.
To make the relationship work you need to put all your time and energy into it and dominate him somewhat, since he will only understand rules. Trying to get him to look at things from your point of view is futile and seen as an attack.
Or you could walk away, and realise you are dealing with an illusion.

moco

imcrazy wrote: »

no invasion of privacy, just tried to verify he was somewhere he said he was, i didnt believe him.

i didnt call him my boyfriend because he isnt really. that was always the problem.
i never knew where i stood, he wanting to be with me without 'commitment' so to speak.
thats what drove me mad!
no excuse i know.

guess i can never make this right

You only checked up on him because you can't trust him because of his past actions. Don't beat yourself up about it. What you did isn't mental at all.

I would say though, he's not what you need. If you really like him but he doesn't want to commit and lies to you, maybe it's better that things end here.

Ickle Magoo

imcrazy wrote: »

....i have spent years being messed around by him, not knowing where i stood etc. etc.
being told one thing but actions not backing up the statements.
my mind went crazy.

its my fault i know, i shouldve stopped things before they got this far.

This. Take your own advice on both counts.

You have the right to a happy and healthy relationship, if you aren't getting it then it's up to you to walk away.

Put this one down to experience and if you ever find yourself wasting years of your life being messed around, then you know what you have to do.

All the best.

LegacyUser

ok, so he said he doesnt dwell on things, and basically what happened was forgotten.

until the next night when he went out drinking, txted me and didnt like my sober replies!!!
so he threw it back in my face, straight away, said i did something psycho etc etc.

he sobers up next day, apologises for throwing it in my face and says again he doesnt dwell on things.

for my part, i tell him if we cant talk things through and sort them then there is no point in continuing on.

i get 'ok whatever you want' as a response.
i know he wont fight for me.

i suppose it worked out for the best, but i am heartbroken. he will just do whatever i want. he wont fight.

guess im lookin for people to tell me i did the right thing?
head says right thing. heart is just breaking, pain in my chest and feel like lying down and never getting up.

Zhora

sounds eerily similar to a situation I was in 2 years ago. Those niggling feelings in your gut when he tells you something you just know is untrue. You have your doubts, listen to them, you question him and he throws it back at you as your issue not his, that is an alarm bell ringing loudly. It took me far too long ignoring the signs and it was so difficult to walk away from the longer I hung around. I turned into a person I didn't recognise or like so I advise you to walk now because the longer you keep in contact with the person the more it will erode your self confidence. You are worth more than that and if it makes you feel bad it's not the right relationship for you. Best of luck