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Abuse issues

  • 25-08-2011 10:59pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I've been seeing a Chinese lad for the past few months. He's a really nice bloke but one thing that really bothers me is his self-esteem issues. He's a handsome guy, but thinks he's hideous, he's smart but thinks he's stupid, he's sweet but thinks he's a brute.
    I brought it up with him the other day and it turns out he went through the ringer as a child. Since he was old enough to go to school his father used to regularly shave off his hair, treat him to buckets of icy water over the head and beat him up. Needless to say I was shocked, but all he could say was "But I was a bad child. A bad child." I can't imagine him being a 'bad child', and no matter how bad he was this was obviously abuse. Then he started trying to say it's what parents do in China. Having had a number of Chinese and Asian friends, I can say that I have NEVER heard anything like this before.
    He just can't seem to admit that there was something wrong with what happened to him. If he even starts to think about how horrible it was he'll just go back to musing about what a little punk he was. He blames himself entirely.
    What can I do to help him? I know he won't want to go to a counsellor about it, but I'd like him to somehow face it and cope with it. Any pointers?


Comments

  • #2
    Shelby Narrow Stairwell
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Shelby Narrow Stairwell


    Holy Hades wrote: »
    What can I do to help him? I know he won't want to go to a counsellor about it, but I'd like him to somehow face it and cope with it. Any pointers?

    Look I know you want to help, but you cannot fix someone else. Especially with such a background of abuse as this. He genuinely needs to talk to a professional about this, and if you try to help, at best you'll do nothing and at worst he'll start taking the issues out on you in confusion, or get worse.
    Try again to get him to talk to a counsellor and be there for him, that's about it I think


  • #3
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    I wonder if he is aware of the book that made headlines a while ago called Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother. It caused quite a stir. I wish he would have noticed it, and the backlash against it. It might have caused him to re-think his conviction that he somehow deserved such horrible treatment. (one example which I think is well worth reading)

    As it is I don't really know what to tell you besides encourage him to talk to a counselor, and hope that they can convince him.


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