He Won't Ask Me Out

LegacyUser

I posted this thread a while ago

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056344315

Since then we have been texting and talking and we have met up, but haven't slept together again. I've been accepted into a teaching college right beside his University.

I want us to be an item. I like him, and he likes me. If he isn't prepared for us to be in an exclusive relationship I want to cut contact with him altogether because I can't keep going on like this. When he doesn't text back I'm in bits and I can barely eat or sleep as it is.

I don't want to approach it with thim this way, but I need a way of sensitively putting it that I can't keep going on like this. I think we've got an unspoken agreement that neither of us are going with anyone else but the fact we're not an item means that he can, so can I, and if either of us do then it's "no big deal". The thing is, if I heard he was with someone else I would be absoloutly crushed. That's why I can't keep going on like this.

How can I ask him what the story is between us without sounding desparate?

Thank you

johnr1

Hey,

I remember reading your first thread, and it struck a chord with me as with the others who posted on it, but they said it all so I didn't reply.

I'm going to disagree with Sunflower here, and suggest that you organise to meet him -once more, by day, and go for a walk or something, feed the ducks or whatever, just by yourselves. I saw a suggestion on another thread today which might work simply because of its simplicity.

You; "So whats the story..." pause "y'know with us....."

You'll get an answer, whether its the one you want or not, but you'll almost definitely get one. If he wont answer, or beats about the bush, then sorry hun, its the one you didn't want. If he asks the same question back just say you want to be an item as you like him a lot.
By asking, you raise your own value to him, - he will know you wont be strung along, that you have options.
If you get anything other than a "yes I'd like that too", or a "lets give it a go" then you need to take that as an outright NO and leave it there. Just politely tell him you'll "see him around"
This bit is very important :
Do not agree to be friends, this is one sure way to get your head wrecked for months to come.

Everybody here will tell you the same thing, -if he's not interested in a relationship with you, then for your own recovery you need to cut all contact for a good long while. In that situation, he'd be happy out to have you as a friend/buddy/occasional score, as he wouldnt be feeling the same emotions.
But you need to look after you.

I hope he says yes to you

Distorted

I suspect that whatever happens, he will have a lot more respect for you if you don't chase him. I think JohnR's suggestion is excellent - find out where you stand (if he won't meet up with you for this then I think you have your answer) and if its negative, then cut contact. Keep him at arm's length. It might be that he is at a time in his life where he wants to keep his options open even though, as you say, he likes you. But since your wish is to be exclusive, texting and the odd meeting isn't going to do you much good! Its better to find out as well, because with you starting college, you are going to be meeting a lot of new people, and theres no point wasting time hankering after someone who isn't going to give you what you want.

LegacyUser

Sunflower27: Thank you for your advice. I know deep down that you're right, but I don't think I'd be able to cope if I didn't give him one more chance to tell me where he's at and what he wasnt to do.

I think if I hadn't lost my virginity to him then it wouldn't be such a big deal, which is probably wierd but that was a BIG thing for me. I'm devastated that we aren't a couple. I feel like a slut even though not many people know we slept together, the fact he could be sleeping with someone else makes me feel like a worthless piece of cr*p

Johnr1: Thank you so much. I know this is what I need to do. It's absoloutly perfect and I whole heartedly agree that this is what needs to be done. We haven't spoken for 2 days now but the next time we do I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go for it. I think the only reason I'm reluctant to do it is becuase I'm afraid of the answer. As you said, I wouldn't be able to deal with him having me as just a bit on the side which is what I'm starting to feel like, although I'm 95% sure he's not going with anyone else at the moment.

I think the main reason why I'm so insecure is that he had a LOT of girl/friends. There is constantly flirty (apparently just sarcastic, according to him) messages between him and other girls on facebook and I can never tell if they're being serious or not. He is really good looking so even if he is being sarcy I don't know if it's mutual from the other girls..

Distorted: The thing about starting college and meeting new people is wierd. I was out on results night and the boy we're talking about had to go home early. Another guy I have fancied for years started flirting with me and tried to kiss me at the end of the night. I didn't kiss him back even though before the situation I'm in now I would have jumped at the chance (lol). I just can't imagine myself being with anyone else at all. I've never been so emotionally attached to someone as I am with "Paul" and I seriously can't imagine going with someone else.

if you can sleep with him you can surely ask him out

stop over thinking it and just ask

Distorted

Lost&Insecure wrote: »

Distorted: The thing about starting college and meeting new people is wierd. I was out on results night and the boy we're talking about had to go home early. Another guy I have fancied for years started flirting with me and tried to kiss me at the end of the night. I didn't kiss him back even though before the situation I'm in now I would have jumped at the chance (lol).

I think if he went home early, leaving you with a guy who fancied you, is a clear indication that he is not interested in asking you out. Sorry.

Just say it. You're the one who wants the answer, so you should be the one to ask the question.

"So would you be interested in becoming exclusive? I really like you but I don't want to keep going on in such a casual way."

The guy you're talking about doesn't seem particularly interested to be honest, I think you should find out where you stand ASAP. But if you're not even comfortable enough with him to ask him what's going on, that's a pretty bad sign.

Resi12

Ask him out yourself, you're not Rapunzel. Stop being a damsel in the distress and take initiative if he isn't capable too.

That way you'll know or you can spend more weeks racking your brain. Do it, it might be scary but like all things scary they usually turn out for the better once done. Good luck.