Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Friends with benefits, relationships, am I being fair?

  • 25-08-2011 9:28pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I am in my first relationship with a girl and we're both youngish. For ages, it was really obvious we both liked eachother (perhaps I liked her more than she liked me) and we were really affectionate (what I interpreted as the part before you're in a relationship but theres still a level of mutual loyalty, but correct me if this isn't fair), but she said to me she was unsure of her sexuality so I didn't back her into a corner over it and left it until very recently when I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes.

    So, now I'm after finding out that she was in a friends with benefits situation with one of our other friends to 'experiment' during most of the time this was happening, but it ended the week before I declared properly how I felt. I feel kind of betrayed and upset but I'm not sure if I'm being fair considering we weren't officially anything, but at the same time she still never told me. My other friend says that she was effectively leading me on the whole time. Now she seems to be spending a lot of time with this girl because everyone is fighting with her, but I really don't like the thought of them being together alone. Am I being totally unfair on her here or am I letting myself being made a fool of?


Comments

  • #2
    SheFiend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 362 ✭✭SheFiend


    Honestly it's not fair to judge her on what she was doing before you asked her out, and you were not entitled to know her business. But I can understand you feel hurt.
    Considering she ended it with the other, it shows she wanted to be with you.
    Are you being cold / angry to her now that you know she was seeing someone? That may be what is pushing her away from you and back to the other girl.
    Are your friends fighting with her over this? If so, I think that's ridiculous. Sorry. But it's not like she cheated on you.
    TBH I wouldn't say she was leading you on. You're both young (I assume) and are finding yourselves.
    I hope you at least make peace with her, as it seems like you really like this girl.


  • #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,214 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    I think you need to talk to her about it.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I don't want to bring it up if I'm being totally unreasonable I just want to know if I am or not. No the other people are fighting with her over the same girl, but its not about my side of the story. There are other people involved who aren't really relevant.

    Also, just to be clear we've always been like really close friends, so thats why I don't like not being told, but as you've said, yeah she's going out with me now whats the problem. I'm just wondering what your opinions would be on them spending so much time together, specifically alone together.


Advertisement