Wait for the spark?

LegacyUser

My usual type of man would be the bad boy where the chemistry is amazing but it doesn't last long.

For about 6 weeks I have been seeing a lovely man who treats me really well and takes me on fun dates. I enjoy spending time with and I do find him attractive but feel like there is a bit of a "spark" missing. Could the spark ignite with time?

It's his birthday this week so I'm cooking for him tonight and going to his party on Saturday. I genuinely do like him but feel a bit of a fraud as not sure we could have much of a future without the spark.

Curry Addict

sounds like you are not ready for a real relationship yet

@rti-shm@rti

spark2011 wrote: »

My usual type of man would be the bad boy where the chemistry is amazing but it doesn't last long.

I have always been the same. Chasing after guys who for whatever reason are all wrong, treat me badly, can't commit etc etc. If it's there's drama and difficulty I'm all over it.

I always thought that dating a 'nice' guy wouldn't have the same excitement and spark that goes with going out with the type I mentioned above however recently I dated a 'nice' guy and although he was a bit immature in the end, the spark was 100% there from the start. This was a new thing for me....he was treating me really well AND there was excitement and chemistry. HE was chasing ME. Actually now I think half the time the 'chemistry' that you feel dating these other guys is half created in your own head and more down to the fact that you're was always left wanting more than an actual real connection.

What I'm trying to say is that the spark is either there or it's not. The chemistry exists or it doesn't. It's actually nearly easier to tell when the guy is a 'nice guy' because all the drama that goes with the dodgy ones isn't intensifying your feelings. If there's no throwdown now, I don't think there will be so I'd move on if I were you.

hollyday

You might be surprised how you will feel in a few weeks or even months time. I started seeing a guy around last christmas and after the first date I thought he was nice and good looking. Date 2 and 3 I got the feeling that there was no spark there at all. But at the same time I liked him and found him interesting so I kept seeing him. Fast forward a few months I suddenly felt this 'spark' that was missing at the start. I think getting to know someone takes a while to do and you can grow to like someone a lot just by spending time with them. This may not be the case with you but it's amazing how things can turn around

SheFiend

The adrenaline rush of seeing a bad boy is not comparable with having a connection with a nice guy based on mutual respect. They are two very different things. But as a thrill-seeker in a respectful relationship I can assure you that there are plenty more satisfying and less hurtful ways to get you rocks off with someone you trust, with none of the negative drama.

Emme

The "spark" isn't always a good thing, particularly if it's with the wrong person or with somebody at the wrong time.

OP, I'd stick with this guy and give him a chance. He treats you well and takes you on fun dates. If you're having fun together there must be some kind of spark but it's just not the kamikaze rush you got from bad boys which is akin to bunjee jumping.

Hang in there.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. Had a great time with him this week so think will give it some more time and see where it goes!

SheFiend

Hurray! Glad to hear it! Hope ye have a ball

magpieseye

Can I ask how long you've been with your boyfriend? I'm kin of in the same situation myself and I'm interested in knowing how things are going for you both.

Scealta_saol

Can I just suggest the film "He's just not that into you"? Although the typical multi-character romcom, it had some great bits in it and it seems to have really cottoned on to women and men in relationships/looking for a relationship etc..

Here's the bit about "the spark": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yarinkmsD_s
Enjoy

pilph

Hang onto him & see. I've just come from the total opposite, broken up from a girl I love but can't seem to get on with, constant rowing and disagreements. She was the sexiest woman I've ever gone out with and I'm really sad that it's over, but sometimes I've thought I'd rather someone where life is pleasant, without rows and we are nice to each other.

If the spark does not ignite at a future point you will know it's never going to go anywhere. But your situation is a far better platform to build on in comparison to mine.

Just my 2c

spark2011 wrote: »

For about 6 weeks I have been seeing a lovely man who treats me really well and takes me on fun dates. I enjoy spending time with and I do find him attractive but feel like there is a bit of a "spark" missing. Could the spark ignite with time?
QUOTE]

LegacyUser

Been with him for just over two months now.

There seems to be some kind of "spark" there now so very glad I gave it a chance now

BoardsMember

Good for you, it could be the making of you to enjoy a spark from a good bloke for once!