Love and IN Love?

phoenix833

Long story short my ex and I broke up amicably due to work commitments and distance between us. We got on really well before that and we were both upset about having to part.

One night while drunk I txt her that I loved her. I guess I was looking for a reason for us to get back together. She never said she loved me but that she was heading that way if we stayed together. She wasn't too impressed with me and she said I was messing with her head. I apologised etc. But she has been distant ever since saying she didn't want to lead me on.

The thing is I do love her but I'm not IN love with her. Should I tell her that what I said while drunk wasn't exactly true or just leave it be. I just can't forget about this girl as she was perfect for me.

musicinyou

hey op,

id leave it now, specially if she is distant with you! nothing wrong with a her how are you text though!

sorry to read of your situation and i hope things get better for you!

Taltos

I think you need to leave her well enough alone. Otherwise you will just wreck her head.

This I love you but I'm not in love with you is one of the most used get out of jail free cards. Why not be honest.
I am very fond of you, but I don't love you.
Word is used way too much and the real meaning has been diluted by this overusage.

If you really loved her do you really think you would play games like this?
Am sure you don't see it as you playing games - but what else would you call it?

phoenix833

Taltos wrote: »

I think you need to leave her well enough alone. Otherwise you will just wreck her head.

This I love you but I'm not in love with you is one of the most used get out of jail free cards. Why not be honest.
I am very fond of you, but I don't love you.
Word is used way too much and the real meaning has been diluted by this overusage.

If you really loved her do you really think you would play games like this?
Am sure you don't see it as you playing games - but what else would you call it?

But wouldn't the love/in love thing be used in a situation where somebody was trying to get out of a relationship?

I understand your point about the games. I'm not sure what I'd call it. I just realised that I wanted to be back with her but went the wrong way about it. Completely wrong way. But the "love" thing has scared her off a bit I think.

I probably should leave her alone but if you don't put up a fight for what u want you would never get anywhere. Well IMO anyway but maybe you disagree.

Taltos

phoenix833 wrote: »

But wouldn't the love/in love thing be used in a situation where somebody was trying to get out of a relationship?

I understand your point about the games. I'm not sure what I'd call it. I just realised that I wanted to be back with her but went the wrong way about it. Completely wrong way. But the "love" thing has scared her off a bit I think.

I probably should leave her alone but if you don't put up a fight for what u want you would never get anywhere. Well IMO anyway but maybe you disagree.

OP - in your first post you said you are "Not in love with her" - so come on - either you love her or you don't.
If you don't and you want to be with her - it is more about you and missing companionship. So hence playing games.

At the end of the day it is up to you - if you love her and see a future great. If however you just want some fun I think she has given you the answer already, and there are plenty of people out there who just want fun with no strings.

phoenix833

Taltos wrote: »

OP - in your first post you said you are "Not in love with her" - so come on - either you love her or you don't.
If you don't and you want to be with her - it is more about you and missing companionship. So hence playing games.

At the end of the day it is up to you - if you love her and see a future great. If however you just want some fun I think she has given you the answer already, and there are plenty of people out there who just want fun with no strings.

No I certainly don't just want fun with her. I'd love to get back together. I found things in her that I always knew I wanted. And I would be lying if I said I didnt miss her companionship, of course I do but I miss more than that.

Even as recently as last week she was saying she's looking forward to us catching up again soon and a few weeks before that she was saying that she hoped we get back to how we were before this mess which I created. I don't think she would lie about it just to keep me happy as this would be adding fuel to the fire, so to speak. Maybe I'm just being naive though?

Distorted

phoenix833 wrote: »

my ex and I broke up amicably due to work commitments and distance between us.

If you were in love, this wouldn't break you up.

phoenix833 wrote: »

One night while drunk I txt her that I loved her.

phoenix833 wrote: »

The thing is I do love her but I'm not IN love with her. Should I tell her that what I said while drunk wasn't exactly true or just leave it be. I just can't forget about this girl as she was perfect for me.

Sounds like its more a case of wanting what you can't have. You also sound like you're not ready to commit to someone yet though. I think you should leave her alone because whats the point in getting back together if you are not "in love" with her? She may well be perfect for you, but not perhaps at this time. I think all of us know people who split up with "perfect" exes, only to marry the next, not seemingly so perfect boyfriend/girlfriend that comes along!

I also think splitting definitions about "in love" and "loving" someone is a way to madness and ruining a relationship.

phoenix833

Distorted wrote: »

phoenix833 wrote: »

my ex and I broke up amicably due to work commitments and distance between us.

If you were in love, this wouldn't break you up.

Sounds like its more a case of wanting what you can't have. You also sound like you're not ready to commit to someone yet though. I think you should leave her alone because whats the point in getting back together if you are not "in love" with her? She may well be perfect for you, but not perhaps at this time. I think all of us know people who split up with "perfect" exes, only to marry the next, not seemingly so perfect boyfriend/girlfriend that comes along!

TBH it was next near impossible to continue seeing each other as I work nights including weekends where as she has a 9-5 weekday. Our hours overlapped and couldnt use our phones in work so we both thought a relationship would be hard to sustain under the circumstances. I suppose it could be a bit of want what I cant have but it was definately a case of you don't realise how good it was till its gone.

As I said earlier she has mentioned a few times she wants it go back to the way it was.

I didn't think you had to be in love to be a couple? I thought that would be the progression if the couple were to stay together not the reason they got together in the first place?

Distorted

phoenix833 wrote: »

TBH it was next near impossible to continue seeing each other as I work nights including weekends where as she has a 9-5 weekday. Our hours overlapped and couldnt use our phones in work so we both thought a relationship would be hard to sustain under the circumstances. I suppose it could be a bit of want what I cant have but it was definately a case of you don't realise how good it was till its gone.

As I said earlier she has mentioned a few times she wants it go back to the way it was.

I didn't think you had to be in love to be a couple? I thought that would be the progression if the couple were to stay together not the reason they got together in the first place?

You're confusing me. You're saying it was impossible to continue the relationship, yet you want to get back together with her. If its because you work nights, then doesn't that restrict you to girls who also work nights or who are unemployed?

You're saying she's being distant with you and telling you you are wrecking her head, but she wants to go back to the way it was.

You're saying you love her but you aren't in love with her and that you can only be in love once you are a couple, but you were presumably a couple and you still weren't in love with her then.

I can totally see why she made her head wrecking comment! You don't sound as if you know what you want! To be honest, there are a lot of guys out there who do know what they want and if she is that great a girl, I don't think she will put up with someone who doesn't for too long.

phoenix833

Distorted wrote: »

You're confusing me. You're saying it was impossible to continue the relationship, yet you want to get back together with her. If its because you work nights, then doesn't that restrict you to girls who also work nights or who are unemployed?

You're saying she's being distant with you and telling you you are wrecking her head, but she wants to go back to the way it

Ok I understand how it all seems like that I don't know what I want and what exactly happened of d space of a few weeks when I give Information out of context. I don't like putting every last detail up here because I don't know if people want to read it.

Why I think getting back together now would work is because my night shifts are coming to an end shortly. I'm actually not making up an excuse for everything you say to make me sound more sane! That's the truth.

I know exactly what I want and that is to try get back together!