have to ask..... any big news?

boardie100

just looking for other guys opinions on this....
Something that probably shouldnt get on my wick but is..within the last six months all my girlfriend keeps getting from her friends is so any big news? (as in has he popped the question.)..
this has really started to piss me off because as being a private person i dont think its anyones business to be commenting on someone else's relationship...
To be honest i really want to tell them to mind their own bloody business putting it mildly but i know this would put my other halves nose out of joint....

anyone got any measured way i can tell them to butt out without upsetting all and sundry?... i tend to deal with these things like a bull in a china shop! ..

anyone think im overreacting?... honestly i think people like this have nothing else going on in their lives!

i posted this in the gentleman's forum because as far as im concerned its mainly women that do this (not all of course)

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

SheRa

Just because women are doing the asking, doesn't mean that all women do this .

I get this question a fair bit i.e. when is your boyf going to pop the question, mostly when people have a bit of dutch courage from alcohol.

I also find it very intrusive, just as bad as asking when people are going to have kids. I find the best response is to make a joke of the question, turn it back on them, like jaypers why are u so interested, are u dying for your fella to ask you, or god woman you are obsessed. They won't mention it twice.

Neyite

Sooooo, OP, Any news? *nudges*

Nah, just messing.

I am pestered with that question (well as a 36 year old woman in a 7 year relationship, I'm a bit of a sitting duck!) and my replies vary depending on who is asking. If its elderly relatives, they get a polite brush off, if it friends I would be more cheeky, or blunt - if they are married, I sometimes tell them that they put us off the idea. or I'd answer "yeah, like I'd tell you, blabbermouth". Occasionally I tell people we are already married (a buddy who happened to be a ship captain drunkenly muttered some words over us as a joke one night)

The short answer is that you cant stop people from asking, and you cant stop them from thinking they are highly original and witty. :rolleyes: Then, if you do pop the question, they ask if you've a date set, then after you are married they ask Sooooo, OP, Any news? *nudges*

No escape I'm afraid.

Just tell them privately that every time they ask, they push the news farther away, and that you aren't thinking of proposing but that when you do, it will be impossible to make it special if they're constantly bringing it up.

ie., every time you ask you're being a bitch and making things awkward.

SheFiend

I may be overly suspicious, but any chance your girlfriend is getting her friends to drop hints?

Tricia1

If you're single, it's why aren't you in a relationship.
If you're in a relationship, it's why aren't you married.
If you're married, it's why haven't you got kids yet.

You are living your own life- your girlfriends friends do not come into the equation.

The best policy is to keep quiet and say nothing- eventually her friends will realise that nothings happening currently and will find other things to gossip about.

If you entertain her friends or feel that you have to keep them informed then you won't hear the end of it.

Say nothing to them and don't get involved with them. They will move on to different gossip over time.

ash23

Is your girlfriend telling you her friends are asking or are they asking her in front of you? If the former, perhaps it's her way of broaching the subject?

When I was with someone I got it all the time. It got on my wick towards the end as it was something that was causing problems between us (not that the person asking would have known though) and I found it hurtful.
Now I'm single and am always being asked have I got a man. And I'm sure when I get one I'll be asked when we're getting married. And then when we're having kids.
It's human nature and I wouldn't get too stressed out about it.

lazygal

This is so annoying but I think its just some people's way of making conversation. I found the only way to deal with this kind of nonsense was to toss it back, ask "Why? Did you hear something about "insert celebrity name here"?".

I don't think people mean to be hurtful but it seems like relationships are fair game for Irish people to comment on. We're recently married and having some problems getting pregnant and sometimes when people ask us "Is there any news" I want to shout "NO, NOT KNOCKED UP YET, I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I FINALLY OVULATE".

LegacyUser

This is awful. I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend and these questions feel like they never stop. It makes you question everything in your previously ticking away at it's own pace relationship which is the worst part, because society seems to have a time limit on life stages, which makes you wonder if your relationship is "normal" if you don't reach all these milestones at the "correct" time. And the constant, "so when's he going to propose?" is just so stressful if you want to get engaged. So that's between you and your girlfriend, but here's some stuff I did/said to put people off:

1. Some older bird I'd met for the first time sitting next to at a wedding who was at me all day long: "so no kids huh? When are going to have a baby?? You can't??? That's sad isn't it." End of conversation. Didn't work exactly as I had planned and even backfired a little but it shut her the f&&k up.

2. To grandaunt (who I adore) who thinks my other half is the second coming, "I don't know when he's going to propose. Here's my mobile, call him and ask him yourself". Obviously she didn't do that and also shut up.

3. Generally, when someone asks, turn it back on them with "I don't know, when are you going to get married/move in together/meet someone/have a baby?"

4. If all else fails, and big smile, a tap on the side of the nose and a cheeky "mind yer own beeswax nosey!!" does wonders.

boardie100

SheFiend wrote: »

I may be overly suspicious, but any chance your girlfriend is getting her friends to drop hints?

thanks for all the replies guys...

i dont think she is getting her friends to do the dirty work, i would hope that she wouldnt do this and it would really annoy me if she did

boardie100

Lis21830 wrote: »

This is awful. I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend and these questions feel like they never stop. It makes you question everything in your previously ticking away at it's own pace relationship which is the worst part, because society seems to have a time limit on life stages, which makes you wonder if your relationship is "normal" if you don't reach all these milestones at the "correct" time. And the constant, "so when's he going to propose?" is just so stressful if you want to get engaged. So that's between you and your girlfriend, but here's some stuff I did/said to put people off:

1. Some older bird I'd met for the first time sitting next to at a wedding who was at me all day long: "so no kids huh? When are going to have a baby?? You can't??? That's sad isn't it." End of conversation. Didn't work exactly as I had planned and even backfired a little but it shut her the f&&k up.

2. To grandaunt (who I adore) who thinks my other half is the second coming, "I don't know when he's going to propose. Here's my mobile, call him and ask him yourself". Obviously she didn't do that and also shut up.

3. Generally, when someone asks, turn it back on them with "I don't know, when are you going to get married/move in together/meet someone/have a baby?"

4. If all else fails, and big smile, a tap on the side of the nose and a cheeky "mind yer own beeswax nosey!!" does wonders.

some good suggestions here ... problem is i'm getting it second hand and i'm starting to tell my gfriend im pissed off over it... she doesnt see what all the fuss is about..
I genuinely think this is an Irish trait.... is it because were on such a small island or something?
I dunno if i can bite my tongue any longer when i see these people

LittleBook

boardie100 wrote: »

problem is i'm getting it second hand and i'm starting to tell my gfriend im pissed off over it... she doesnt see what all the fuss is about

Then just tell HER to stop telling you that they're asking. Problem solved!!

curlzy

Hey OP,

As hard and infuriating this is for you I can gaurantee it's a hundred times worse for you gf. I get this regularly at work, I'm 29 and in a relationship 5 years and where I work I'm surrounded by the sterotypical "aul wans". Sweet jesus they have zero problems asking you the most intrusive questions. I put a stop to it by being pretty rude, to one woman I said out straight "it's none of your business, please stop asking me that it's really rude". That may not be an option for your gf though, if it's her friends that's asking the questions. Like I completely understand where you're coming from, it's damn infuriating, but it's your gf that has to stand the pitying looks and the "oh, I'm sure he'll ask soon". You have no idea how drive you up the wall, batt**** crazy, infuriating that kind of pity is. You feel like screaming at them "save your pity for yourself you nosey f*cking aul wan, is your life so f*cking boring that you have to amuse yourself with this". TBH I don't think I'll even tell them if I do get engaged because then it'll only turn to "have you set a date?", "when you going to start a family?". So yeah unfortunately short of telling someone to "f*ck off", they really don't seem to get how ****ed up it is to continuously ask someone this. I agree that all the good will be taken out of it by the time it comes around, maybe as someone suggested a smart answer is the way to go such as "well I was going to ask but we keep getting hounded by all and sundry so we've decided that we're not going to get married" or as someone else said (paraphrase) "well I was going to ask but then I looked at your marraige and it really just put me off". So yeah just remember that it's not just you that's getting hounded to conform to this crap, you're gf is too, so both of you should deal with it together.

Best of luck.

moco

I used to get this all the time before we actually got engaged and it was really annoying. I just used to answer back 'No, have YOU any news? or I'd say yea and tell them something really boring and trivial.

It wasn't so bad when we were only together a few months, as it was obviously a joke, but the longer we were together the more annoying it was!:mad:

Daisy M

Your getting this info second hand your not the one been asked, so tell your gf to say whatever she likes but not to tell you when people ask her. It doesnt sound as if she is bothered about it so she shouldnt have a problem with this.

Pearlring

Awe Lad i know what your girlfriend is going through.
I'm at the stage where it is really ripping the piss now then, had 5 weddings this year and at everyone people were asking me and after each wedding our families were at us.

So i decided to be a right cow when they ask and i rub my tummy and say well with saving for the baby now it might be a while.
or i say i want a baby first.

They generally dont know what to say.
nosey buggers

Esoteric_

I'm only 22 and with my boyfriend a year and his MOTHER asked him out straight when is he proposing to me, and when are we gonna get engaged, the other night. Needless to say (as my boyfriend is only 20!), we were both stunned at this! When she asked, he just said 'well, when ae YOU gonna get off the shelf and get married (she's widowed)'? and laughed about it, making it into a joke.

I think that's all you can do here OP. I know it must be really annoying, but if you're sure your girlfriend isn't dropping hints at her friends, then all you can do (without causing drama) is keep making a joke of it, act like you think they're joking, or say something like 'When the economy is stable again, then maybe I'll be able to afford a ring and a fancy hotel do' and laugh it off. Getting rude or snotty might work in the short term but it'll cause friction.

I am a friend

Ok first of all it's none of their business.

HOWEVER, maybe they are wondering if you are committed to her and if your idea of the future matches hers.

As another poster mentioned, it's not being said to you so ask your gf to stop reporting everything they say. I also tbh think she is telling you cos she wants to know herself.

loloray

boardie100 wrote: »

problem is i'm getting it second hand and i'm starting to tell my gfriend im pissed off over it...

So the problem isn't with 'people', it's with your gf.
Why tell your bf something that you know is p!ssing him off???
This is a problem you clearly need to manage with your gf. The advice from posters about what to say when asked the question clearly isn't relevant in your case.

Angeles

boardie100 wrote: »

I genuinely think this is an Irish trait.... is it because were on such a small island or something?

Hit the nail on the head there dear boy.
your age, time with your partner, your parents age, friends and parents..etc all factor into this.
To my knowledge it was only 30 years ago it was still *shocking* for many to have pre marital sex, and have a relationship outside of marriage!
Now granted alot has changed in that time, but the curiosity and marital tradition in many cases has not..

Some people these days may ask to get a raise out of you! but many still out of genuine curiosity and it would be surprising to know the question may have jumped from a further point then you think, like your best friends mom!

"It's usually an irish mammy to say, Jasus ave those 2 not tied the knot yet!"
So a few beers later, your friend will say so when are you 2 gona tie the knot?

Now you can tackle it with anger or frustration because of your own wants and desires conflicting with this question, or you can take it with a pinch of salt op and as a complement!

I mean on the side of it, I don't ever hear or see anyone asking that question if they didn't think, you 2 were a strong and happy couple.