Jobs and familial/friend expectations

LegacyUser

I left my last job last October to treat depression and am now looking to get back into the working world. It's been a fairly demoralising 8 months since I left my job because I was only in the job for six months and it didn't end particularly well. I have drifted from friends and basically at my parents house. But I am coming out of it and hopefully will be able to patch up my friendships.

Getting back into the job market is daunting. I'm a science grad with a good degree and was lucky to win my last job, but I feel now that that was my chance and I blew it. It took a while to get my degree for health reasons, so that coupled with only being in my first graduate job for six months is bound to be a red flag for employers.

I've been applying for science jobs but know I'm well down the pecking order. I haven't been having much luck and I dread even getting an interviews, with having to explain away the huge gaps in my CV.

I think it's important to get back into working. Better working than not, right? So, I want to start applying for waitressing jobs too. I don't know what my friends would think of this but my family seem really disappointed and think I should hold out for something in science, or basically something "better" than waitressing. But time is racing by and I don't want to get to a year of not working. It could take a long time to get a science job if i ever manage to get on at all. I don't have the money to do a Masters and to be honest, want to get away from education for a while and just work.

I guess their tangible disappointment weighs on me because I feel that at 27 I should have achieved a lot more with my life so far, and all my friends are getting on with their lives and doing really well. I'm single, and feel am afraid I'll be seen as unambitious and aimless by men.

I just would have really liked my family's support here because it's difficult trying to get my life back on track as it is. I don't know what advice I am expecting here, just some kind words, I guess.

Jenneke87

Any man who doesn't understand that it's easier finding a job while employed than unemployed, even if it isn't your dreamjob is not worth your time. I don't think you should be so worried about your family. They are probably very glad you are trying to get your life back on track and with the current economical climate surely they would understand that jobs are not for the taken at the moment and that working while holding out for something you do want to do is better than being unemployed.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Jenneke87 wrote: »

They are probably very glad you are trying to get your life back on track and with the current economical climate surely they would understand that jobs are not for the taken at the moment and that working while holding out for something you do want to do is better than being unemployed.

I thought that too but I told my Dad this evening about a waitressing job I was going for and he was quite at first and then just seemed really disappointed. He said "It'd be a shame to go back to that, it's hard work." Um yes Father, jobs don't tend to be easy! Science jobs aren't exactly untaxing either!

LegacyUser

Aimless Girl wrote: »

I thought that too but I told my Dad this evening about a waitressing job I was going for and he was quite at first and then just seemed really disappointed. He said "It'd be a shame to go back to that, it's hard work." Um yes Father, jobs don't tend to be easy! Science jobs aren't exactly untaxing either!

And I should add, I don't think it's because he thinks it's "hard work", he just wants something better for me, but with the jobs market the way it is, I have to be realistic. He's not really thinking it through, it would be much better for me to be working and to be in Dublin having a social life again, rather than isolated down the country.

baby and crumble

The recession is a funny thing, because jobs are a million times harder to come by, for highly university qualified people as well as everyone else. BUT some people, who maybe have been lucky enough to escape most of the effects, simply don't understand that. Most likely your parents have come from a generation when having a degree (any degree!) was pretty much a guarantee of getting a great job.

My advice would be that you need to move back to Dublin, or some bigger city, and get away from your family. It really isn't any of their business what you do for a living. It's really hard to go against what you feel are their wishes. But I think you know for your own mental health and wellbeing, you need to get into the workforce- any workforce. It's so important to get back on the saddle, as it were.

You're 27, and need to be very firm with your family and friends. I can empathise with what you're going through, it's hard to see the rest of your friends and peers in good jobs, building or buying houses, having kids, and you're stuck watching. It sucks. But grab the bull by the horns- it'll give you some confidence back.

Best of luck!

ash23

I think you should be able to take a job, any job. However, I also think that when you have a job, you need to be applying for jobs in your field.
I would be disappointed at seeing my child struggle for years towards a degree and then not use it. I think you need to talk to your parents, tell them you need a job and are going to take what you can get but also keep applying for relevant jobs in the hope of getting one. Explain that waitressing etc will offer flexible hours and that you will be able to attend interviews. Talk them through your plans, sell it to them.

If you're living at home, I'm assuming (and open to correction) that they have helped you through college and since you left your job. If they have, you also have to think about what they are seeing i.e. that all the money they invested in your education is being wasted if you end up in a job you could have done by leaving school 10 years ago and never go back to your science discipline.

LegacyUser

baby and crumble wrote: »

The recession is a funny thing, because jobs are a million times harder to come by, for highly university qualified people as well as everyone else. BUT some people, who maybe have been lucky enough to escape most of the effects, simply don't understand that. Most likely your parents have come from a generation when having a degree (any degree!) was pretty much a guarantee of getting a great job.

Interestingly neither of my parents are college-educated. We are working-class and they have always struggled financially. I think they want me to avoid the financial struggle they had. But, like I said, my last job didn't end well at all, and so in a competitive market, I'm really going to struggle. I applied for a job a week ago that I was really interested in and had some of what they were looking for. I haven't heard anything back at all, I'm guessing they were chatting to my old boss (who said she'd give me as good a reference as possible but I guess she has to be honest too)

ash23 wrote: »

I think you should be able to take a job, any job. However, I also think that when you have a job, you need to be applying for jobs in your field.
I would be disappointed at seeing my child struggle for years towards a degree and then not use it. I think you need to talk to your parents, tell them you need a job and are going to take what you can get but also keep applying for relevant jobs in the hope of getting one. Explain that waitressing etc will offer flexible hours and that you will be able to attend interviews. Talk them through your plans, sell it to them.

If you're living at home, I'm assuming (and open to correction) that they have helped you through college and since you left your job. If they have, you also have to think about what they are seeing i.e. that all the money they invested in your education is being wasted if you end up in a job you could have done by leaving school 10 years ago and never go back to your science discipline.

They helped me a fair bit through college but I also worked during summers and saved up, never going on J1 or anything. Since college in my jobless periods, I've been relying on welfare, something else that isn't helping my self-esteem at the mo. "Hi, cute boy, I'm Aimless Girl. What do I do? Oh, I'm on illness benefit, sexy huh?" Well better to laugh about it, because if I don't, I'll just cry.

LegacyUser

Hi. I have been in your situation. It is important that you keep the depression away, amybe keep going to some counselling every month or so. Its a nasty illness that can creep up again over time without you being aware of it. I think you already know what you have to do....get working on something, even part-time for your self esteem.

It will get you out in the "working world" and interacting with people and keeping the depression at bay. And don't assume your ex employer has said something negative about you. And maybe if you want to learn how to make money (unlike your folks) ask a ......rich person how to do it.....there are plenty of poor scientists out there.....and plenty of people wihtout a degree who are comfortably well off. One thing I know .....from my own experience is that Depression is not good on the pocket.......so get back up on that horse.....and its what makes you happy......your parents will be happy to see you happy regardless of what you do.....and if they dont...tough....its your life!

LegacyUser

I talked to my mother today, she was MUCH more supportive than my dad. He'll come around, I think!