how can you get over someone?

LegacyUser

how can you get over someone?,we used to be friends then we fell out.i did all the usual stuff by deleting emails,unfriending them and changing my number.

in my mind i learned to try drop the hate for them. i would like to hear any coping skills.

This is just a friend you fell out with?

To be honest it seems like you're going quite far. Maybe explain the situation?

I've fallen out with friends before (the no chance of making up kind) and I've never felt the need to delete emails, change my number and "unfriend" them (I assume you mean facebook). Without more information about what you're going through the best advice I can give is distract yourself. Be busy and don't think about them.

johnboysligo

keep yourself busy try to find a hobby where you can socialize with people of a similar age and given time with maybe one or two new friends you wont feel so down.

humanji

I think it all depends on why the situation arose. I'm not looking for details, but you should be able to think it all out straight yourself. Think about what the actual feelings you are having and want shot of.

You may be feeling a pang of guilt for not ending on better terms, or maybe even regret over the whole thing. Maybe you're happy with how things turned out, but just want to stop thinking about it. Once you know exactly what it is you want to stop feeling, you can work at it.

Sadly, there's usually no easy way. If it's guilt or regret, think about the relationship you had logically. It's unusual for you to cut someone out of your life for just one little thing, so think about all the reasons why you were upset with them. You may have had good times together, but did that make up for all the struggles you had to go through in the relationship? If you try and remember all the problems dispassionately, you'll likely see that the friendship just wasn't capable of being sustained.

To simply try and forget about the whole thing can be fairly difficult. As said above, it's best to keep yourself busy. Try and be around people a lot and it takes your mind off it. Eventually you'll get used to not thinking about them much at all.

Finally, and this may be something you don't want to hear (and I'm only suggesting it because I know nothing about your situation), but are you sure that you stopped the relationship for a good reason? I mentioned above that it's unusual for one event to cause you to cut someone from your life, but it's not impossible (in fact it's happened to me not long ago). I could be way off, but it might be possible that you're subconsciously realising it was a mistake. Only you will know for sure. You may have to suck it up and apologise.

Like all things, time will see you through. Keep busy and know why it happened. If nothing else, you'll be able to make sure it doesn't happen again.

LegacyUser

Being on the receiving end of this recently I would say that it all depends on the circumstances.

In my situation, it was a short relationship of a few months but we knew each other and had been in contact for a while before that, mutual friends, plenty of nights out etc.

As far as I'm aware, I did nothing at all wrong and have tried to clarify what's happened but I'm getting nothing in return. I agree with the above post that it's unusual that you would cut someone out of your life completely unless something terrible has happened or been done to you. So I would be cautious at 'cutting someone out' without a bit of communication first. if you are very hurt about something that has happened or whatever the reason is....let the other person know first. From the point of view of someone who's been cut out, if you don't know what it's about it's hurtful and has given me a really bad impression of the other person in the future.

Obviously this may be only be relevant in some cases but I think it's important to say. Getting over someone is always hard. Allow yourself time in the beginning to think about it, be sad, be angry, all those good emotional responses and then say to yourself...right moving on and try and fill your time with friends and family etc. I find that affirming to myself like that that 'right I've spent enough time thinking/mulling it over, not going to allow it anymore' it can actually work!

Wompa1

humanji wrote: »

I think it all depends on why the situation arose. I'm not looking for details, but you should be able to think it all out straight yourself. Think about what the actual feelings you are having and want shot of.

You may be feeling a pang of guilt for not ending on better terms, or maybe even regret over the whole thing. Maybe you're happy with how things turned out, but just want to stop thinking about it. Once you know exactly what it is you want to stop feeling, you can work at it.

Sadly, there's usually no easy way. If it's guilt or regret, think about the relationship you had logically. It's unusual for you to cut someone out of your life for just one little thing, so think about all the reasons why you were upset with them. You may have had good times together, but did that make up for all the struggles you had to go through in the relationship? If you try and remember all the problems dispassionately, you'll likely see that the friendship just wasn't capable of being sustained.

To simply try and forget about the whole thing can be fairly difficult. As said above, it's best to keep yourself busy. Try and be around people a lot and it takes your mind off it. Eventually you'll get used to not thinking about them much at all.

Finally, and this may be something you don't want to hear (and I'm only suggesting it because I know nothing about your situation), but are you sure that you stopped the relationship for a good reason? I mentioned above that it's unusual for one event to cause you to cut someone from your life, but it's not impossible (in fact it's happened to me not long ago). I could be way off, but it might be possible that you're subconsciously realising it was a mistake. Only you will know for sure. You may have to suck it up and apologise.

Like all things, time will see you through. Keep busy and know why it happened. If nothing else, you'll be able to make sure it doesn't happen again.

That's possibly the best break up advice post I've seen.

Everything is spot on. If you broke up and regret it and have no mitigating reasona keeping you apart you should apologize. I think peoples pride keep them from doing that a lot.

LegacyUser

hi all thank you for replies.the reason we broke up friendship was due i felt betrayed in something and other personal reasons with that person started to annoy me. i don't think they would even admit they upset me if i told them,looking at the bully thread,i took an excellent advice from RedXIV in the bully thread,by sending an message apologising with that person*like in reds situation the person wasn't an saint either* and leaving it at that.

midlandsmissus

It really is just time. Time heals and fades the pain.

Second most important tip, and I wish I'd done it myself sooner - take up a new interest or volunteer. Your life has changed, and your reeling, the future you imagined is gone so you need to make a new one. Do something new!

Good luck

LegacyUser

I have three pieces of advice.

You should know where that person is “at” in relation to you. Otherwise it’ll keep playing on your mind, preventing you from fully coming to terms with the situation. Have you tried talking to them?

Remember why ye stopped being friends. I fell out with a close friend about a year ago and hardly a day goes by where I don’t feel sad about it. However I try to rationalize it, that it was ultimately the right decision because they would inevitably end up hurting me again. Now I’m just waiting for time to heal.

It might sound like simple advice but sometimes the best thing you can do is to will yourself to get over it. And then you can take pride and comfort in the fact that you are a strong, self-respecting person.