Ex G/f gone travelling

LegacyUser

Apologies about the length of this and im sure it will ramble but i guess i need to write this down somewhere so here it goes

Went out with my gf for close to 5 years, for the last 3 of that we lived on other sides of the country. I made am effort to go home almost every weekend and we talked on the phone constantly. It was extremely hard but we loved each other and that honestly made it worth while for both of us. We were inseperable when we had free time and we were/are soulmates often talking about spending the rest of our lives together, marriage etc. I should also say despite the distance we both were so so happy

Then I guess last summer things changed. Up until that point i never made an effort in my new surroundings, looking at weekdays as work and an inconvience until i got to go home the weekends, pretty much wishing my life away. I had a near death experience (an actual huge health scare) which my ex was beyond amazing through, but it made me look at what i was doing with my life a little differently. I turn 30 next year and just couldnt continue to watch TV on my own 5 nights a week when i begun to realise how transient life actually is. That couch potato lifestyle im sure is what led to my health problems in the first place so i took up playing a sport 12 months ago and loved it. I made lots of friends and all through last summer there were constant conflicts between games/training and heading home to see my gf. This put a lot of strain on our relationship naturally and it culminated in a pretty horrible christmas of fighting and her extremely unhappy

Despite this we had a holiday booked with a huge group of us for the new year and we went and had a great time but i came home and simply wasnt happy and was too weary and drained to do the right thing and try and fix everything. I took the cowards way out and broke up with her. Looking back i think it was more that i needed a break rather than i didnt want to be with her and i went out and lived it up for 3 months. I basically drank 3-4 nites a week, making up for all the endless nites sitting on my own and thought i was happy but of course i wasnt. Worth saying that despite being single i had zero interest in any other women and still thought about my ex constantly. She tried numerous times to get back with me but i was stubborn and didnt relent until she hit me with a bombshell that she was going to head off around the world travelling and may not come back. I told her i loved her and i would wait for her next summer and wanted nothing more than to be with her, but that she should go as it was always her dream.

That happened 2 months ago and my world has honestly fallen apart. Im distraught to say the very least. Travelling is something she always wanted and could because of her job. Im not in the same situation and despite having a good job, cant really leave as i would be unemployed indefinitely on my return. So she is now in Asia and from the 2-3 conversations we have had she sounds blissfully happy. She says she still loves me but she looks at herself as single life and wants to "have fun". For me this is heartbreaking, she was the first and only girl i ever loved and slept with and one night stands are not my thing at all, the thoughts of her sleeping with someone else made me physically sick to be honest. Also worth pointing out that she has made almost no effort to stay in contact single she left with almost all calls or emails starting on my end.

We finally had a proper conversation yesterday and she said she is happy for me to move to OZ in the new year to be with her but im not in a financial position that i can do that. I have significant debts i need to clear and 2/3/4/5+ years globehopping simply is not on the cards financially and honestly it doesnt appeal to me in the same way it does to her. Also im not sure i could ever get the thoughts of her "enjoying herself" across Asia for 6 months out of my head (i know people are going to say its the 21st century etc but im unlikely to change my perspective on that).

Anyway im not sure what im looking to hear from people, i know im being a total pr1ck, i broke up with her and now im asking her to more or less come home for me or else wait for me until im in a position that i can come out to her. Thing is we both know we would be happy together but i also know with the level of apathy she is showing that 12 months time ill just be a distant memory.

Anyone got some thoughts they could share with me as im not really thinking rationally. I love her more than ever and its not seperation anxiety but should i just let her move on and live her life without me ?

Thanks for reading

LegacyUser

I think she is dead right to go and make herself happy.

If your relationship was so wonderful you wouldn't have broken up. Harsh reality, but true.

You said yourself she did everything to try and get back together and you turned her down. Now that's she doing what she wants, you suddenly want her back? I think thanks very selfish OP. Sounds to me like you can't make your mind up. Can I ask you: is it that you miss her or that you miss being in a relationship? I can understand if you don't feel like going on the lash 3/4 times a week isn't very fulfilling, but no-one told you had had to do that- I think you need to work out what it is you want in your life and go and get it as opposed to blaming your ex for it (I know you didn't say that per se, but let's be realistic, you are implying that you life is crap cos she isn't around).

As for getting annoyed that you're instigating the contact- you are broken up! she has no obligation to you!

Break-ups from LTRs are so hard but you need to take a leaf out of your ex's book and move on.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Not trying to be mean but your post was all me, me, me, me, me. You said yourself she was wonderful and that she was there for you during your health scare. TBH you don't deserve her and I think you only want her again because you can't have her. I think she's best off enjoying herself and living her dreams. If you really love her with an actual pure unselfish love you'll let her go and wish her well. Maybe tone down the contact too. So yeah you f*cked it up, learn from that and when the next one comes along threat them better. I doubt you two are going to reunite so I'd say the sooner you accept that the better it will be for you.

Best of luck.