A little bit of loneliness

wobblyknees

I don't smoke, drink or drive and have my young kids from a previous long term relationship every weekend so apart from work, I rarely if ever get the chance to socialise with other adults. For a number of different reasons, mainly due to the previous relationship, I drifted away from the few close friends I had and so I now find myself feeling quite down about the fact that as much as I love and adore the time I spend with my kids, I feel quite lonely at times. I guess these are the cards I've been dealt and I just have to get used to it. Is this normal? Does anyone else feel the same or similar to this?

TouchingVirus

It's normal to feel lonely and isolated if those are your circumstances, yes. For some people all they need is their kids for complete happiness, they're grand as long as they have the children. For others though, while they undoubtedly love their kids, they need interactions with people their own age or of similar mentality.

I wouldn't view smoking as a social thing, unlike drinking, so whatever about that. The not-drinking isn't that much of an issue either, there are plenty of things to do and this means there are plenty of ways to meet up with people. If you need advice on some activities there's always the non-drinkers forum here on boards. The lack of a car/ability to drive though does take away some of your options and I personally find being able to drive increases my independence, especially when I lived rurally and the area wasn't serviced by any public transport. Why don't you try to learn how to drive? I'm sure your kids would love trips here and there too.

Are you afraid to get back in touch with your old friends or have you tried and they've made it clear they have moved on? Some people will lose contact with friends when they're caught up in a relationship, maybe use this current predicament to remind yourself friends are important the next time you're in a relationship; you can have friends and a partner, people have been doing it for generations

Feeling lonely at times isn't something you just have to get used to either, not unless you want to and you don't, or else you wouldn't have posted Regardless, I do empathise with your current situation, even in the city I sometimes feel a little isolated and lonely. You can either accept the situation, or suck it up and go about changing it - best of luck OP!

ToniTuddle

I'm sure you love the time you get to spend with your kids but can I ask why exactly you have them every weekend? Would it not be possible to re-arrange it to having one weekend off in the month or at least every 6 weeks or something?

CDfm

This is dreadfull wobblyknees, bin dere -dun that , and you need to get out more.

Going out need not be costly and you need to see what is local to you and available -even a work social do gets you on the ladder of going out.

The boards non drinkers group is doing a refocus back to what it was as a social forum and not a recovery forum and someone is trying to start a meet up

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=74013243&utm_source=notification&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=notify#post74013243

Currently it is national heritage week -are there events in your area

http://www.heritageweek.ie/

And ,ahem , you might want to meet women ,events like the funky seomra exist

http://www.dublin.ie/websites/movement/the-funky-seomra.asp

Don't limit yourself and boards own burlesque and caberet forum have get togethers and discuss events

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1290

Xios

How old are you and where do you live?

If you're in small town ireland, i really really suggest you learn to drive, a car is more suited to your situation, but motorbikes are a fun option

Then people can throw ideas at you, cause there's plenty to do on weeknights if you look around.

CyberJuice

I also was feeling as you do OP and im starting to come out of it now after some talks with my doctor and a shrink he sent me to

im not sure how old you are but for people of all ages joining a gym is a good way to get you out of the house 4 or 5 mornings or evenings a week, even if your not into lifting weights just do some tredmill or cycling machines or use the swimming pool / sauna.. really gives you some good feeling about yourself when your doing a bit of good work for your body

most gyms will have classes which many people attend,this is a great way to meet new people,they do spin classes,yoga classes,zuma classes,all kind of stuff with other people.

Also changing your diet can also change the way you feel at times and give you better moods throughout the day

I dont know if you have pets or are into dogs,but a dog is a good companion and also you can walk the dog in places where there will be other people with their dogs,this is a good way to get out of the house and have conversations with the other people,ask them about their dogs ect

Tried internet dating?you can join many different sites and set up dates for dinner or movies or whatever with other people,even if you dont want to ever meet the person face to face you could just have them as an internet friend and chat with them on msn a few nights a week,you wont feel so lonely on them nights.

It might not be a bad idea to go to your GP and tell him how you feel,he could mayb prescribe you something to help your moods,maybe your not depressed,it doesnt sound like you are but mayb the doctor can help you,dont be afraid to tell them your feelings its all confidential afterall.

MCOD

My time is all kids and work, I travel for work to some great places but at the end of the day, I am lonely. Does who think they know me think I have a fantastic life, and I do but I would love someone to share it with.

Turning 40 in 4 wks and dreading it. Not because of the age. I have been separated 2 years and happy with my decision but it is the only time of the year that I hate. I hate spending my birthday on my own which I will again this year. I am lonely most time but my birthday is the worst day. Is that childish, even at my age.:(

CDfm

Cyberjuice is talking a lot of sence and I work in sales and a positive attitude has to be worked on.

wobblyknees

ToniTuddle wrote: »

I'm sure you love the time you get to spend with your kids but can I ask why exactly you have them every weekend? Would it not be possible to re-arrange it to having one weekend off in the month or at least every 6 weeks or something?

Honestly, because I love them and they are still quite young. I feel it's important to see them every week. Going from coming home to throwing them in the bath or kissing them goodnight to not seeing them for a couple of weeks just seemed wrong to me. Although I will say they were away for a few weeks recently and I really was able to recover and get a few things organised for a change at the weekend!

wobblyknees

CyberJuice wrote: »

I also was feeling as you do OP and im starting to come out of it now after some talks with my doctor and a shrink he sent me to

im not sure how old you are but for people of all ages joining a gym is a good way to get you out of the house 4 or 5 mornings or evenings a week, even if your not into lifting weights just do some tredmill or cycling machines or use the swimming pool / sauna.. really gives you some good feeling about yourself when your doing a bit of good work for your body

most gyms will have classes which many people attend,this is a great way to meet new people,they do spin classes,yoga classes,zuma classes,all kind of stuff with other people.

Also changing your diet can also change the way you feel at times and give you better moods throughout the day

I dont know if you have pets or are into dogs,but a dog is a good companion and also you can walk the dog in places where there will be other people with their dogs,this is a good way to get out of the house and have conversations with the other people,ask them about their dogs ect

Tried internet dating?you can join many different sites and set up dates for dinner or movies or whatever with other people,even if you dont want to ever meet the person face to face you could just have them as an internet friend and chat with them on msn a few nights a week,you wont feel so lonely on them nights.

It might not be a bad idea to go to your GP and tell him how you feel,he could mayb prescribe you something to help your moods,maybe your not depressed,it doesnt sound like you are but mayb the doctor can help you,dont be afraid to tell them your feelings its all confidential afterall.

That's very good advice. As it turns out I am quite active, and work out quite a bit, and this certainly helps keep my mood level. I'd probably go as far as saying that I've filled the void of spare time with exercise. After all, what else is there to do! Haha.

I also have a dog. I got one from a sanctuary and bring her out for walks a good bit. This again is enjoyable and rewarding actually. As for internet dating, I've had a look but it's just not my thing at the minute. I really do like the social interaction and company it's just I don't seem to have many options for it at the min apart from the odd family gathering.

I doubt I'm depressed, I get through each week fine and enjoy one or two of my own hobbies a lot. It's that end of the week feeling that gets me. I can't really describe it properly.It feels like I'm just watching the clock sometimes if that makes sense.

wobblyknees

Xios wrote: »

How old are you and where do you live?

If you're in small town ireland, i really really suggest you learn to drive, a car is more suited to your situation, but motorbikes are a fun option

Then people can throw ideas at you, cause there's plenty to do on weeknights if you look around.

I'm in my early 30s and am not living in small town Ireland so can get around quite easily. One thing I love doing is traveling, whether it's on a bus or a plane, I'm happy knowing I'm heading somewhere different!

wobblyknees

MCOD wrote: »

My time is all kids and work, I travel for work to some great places but at the end of the day, I am lonely. Does who think they know me think I have a fantastic life, and I do but I would love someone to share it with.

Turning 40 in 4 wks and dreading it. Not because of the age. I have been separated 2 years and happy with my decision but it is the only time of the year that I hate. I hate spending my birthday on my own which I will again this year. I am lonely most time but my birthday is the worst day. Is that childish, even at my age.:(

Definitely not childish, in my experience its perfectly natural.

CDfm

It depends how you define lonlieness. For me it would be a lack of intimacy.

This evening my adult kids are over, one is at a gig the other at the cinema and I am in with my OH and dog.

When you are young it is spontaneous but when you get older you need to live a bit more deliberately.

gmac102

I feel quite lonely at times aswell, separated from my ex husband with two kids. Currently Im making myself stay single tho to try and be ok with it,

I dont know what to say, just wanted you to know your not alone in it.

To the dude about the birthday no its not childish, everyone wants someone to share special days with