Friend's jealous of my wedding

LegacyUser

My friends are not being supportive of me, I had a lovely big wedding but they are jealous of it. They are either single or going out with loser guys who won't pop the questions and don't want to see my wedding photo's or dvd, they are not interested. Even though I would be happy if they married and not jealous of them. I dont know if I should ask them whats' wrong or what i should do, they are very good friends but not great after the wedding.

MitchKoobski

Maybe they just don't want to see the photos or dvd?

Ickle Magoo

I wouldn't call watching the wedding DVDs or going through the photos of a wedding I'd attended being supportive - it sounds entirely unnecessary and rather indulgent to expect your friends to want to comb your post-wedding media with as much enthusiasm as you have.

Perhaps they are picking up on the vibe that you think they are jealous and have loser boyfriends or are a bit showy with your "big" wedding? Seriously, I think you need to take a step back and put things in perspective - your post comes across as more bridezilla than good friend and that's never a good look.

All the best

Miss Fluff

happy wed wrote: »

My friends are not being supportive of me, I had a lovely big wedding but they are jealous of it.

And that's what you think the coolness is about? Them being green with envy over your wedding? How narcisstic of you.

If I was to hazard a guess, the coolness is probably directly attributable to your attitude. Which stinks. You obviously look down on your friends and have a superiority complex. You also sound incredibly self-absorbed and selfish. Why would they want to look at your wedding DVD?

Get a bit of perspective girl before you find you've no friends left.

trio

OK, as a married woman, I'm genuinely confused.

Presumably these people were AT the wedding? Then why would they want to sit through it again?

I would never in a thousand years expect anyone to even want to sit through my DVD except perhaps people who couldn't make it and were sad to have missed it and wanted to check out everyone's style.

Honestly? Once the day is over, then it's over.

They are not bitches because they've moved on once the thing was over. It wasn't their bloody wedding. Exactly how fascinating do you think your wedding WAS to them?

That doesn't mean they're jealous, it just means that your wedding wasn't half as interesting to them as it was to you.

LegacyUser

I may come across here as a total bitch but IMO there is nothing worse than having to endure a wedding. I am neither bitter or jealous of weddings but I strongly dislike them as functions and dont think try get completely blown out of proportion. They are supposed to be about the love and commitment that two people have for each other but they're not. The majority of them appear to be about extravagance and I find that vulgar and offensive. People lose sight of the fact that the wedding symbolizes the start of their life together as a partnership and it becomes all about the hen party and the flowers and the tantrums and people falling out with each other.

When my friends are getting married my first thought is usually "wow, that's beautiful, good for them" followed swiftly by "****, I hope theyre not having one of those horrible big weddings and please god don't let them ask me to be involved". You then spend the next year where every conversation with your mate is about her wedding. You do dress fittings, you organize her hen, you spend a fortune on silly hats and a wknd away, you spend hour after hour helping her decide on flowers or invitations or whatever....


The morning after, my first thought is always "Thank **** that's over.".

Reckon I wanna keep talking about my friends "big day"? Not a chance. Sick to the back teeth of it at that stage.

If I ever got married, which I dont currently intend to, I would not subject my friends to that, I would invite them to a registry office in their casual clothes. Job done.

You're wedding should be about showing the world that you love a man enough to commit to him for the rest of your life. It shouldn't be about bickering with your friends over their supposed jealously.

LegacyUser

Ok may be I am not explaining properly, they all wanted to see pics etc but when we got back from HM with everything and got dvd and pics I texted dem to come and see everything but they were too busy and kept putting it off. Now its been two weeks and they haven't seen anything.
I know they are jealous because we all talked about my big day and they wanted one too, only they are not engaged and some single, so I have a great day to look back on but not them.

Jess16

happy wed wrote: »

Ok may be I am not explaining properly, they all wanted to see pics etc but when we got back from HM with everything and got dvd and pics I texted dem to come and see everything but they were too busy and kept putting it off. Now its been two weeks and they haven't seen anything.
I know they are jealous because we all talked about my big day and they wanted one too, only they are not engaged and some single, so I have a great day to look back on but not them.

I think I spot a clue

lazygal

If this is the biggest problem you have, good luck! I'd have no interest in seeing someone's wedding day after the fact. Some of my friends wanted to see some pics on an online gallery our photographer set up but no way would they be bothered seeing the dvd!

Neyite

Wedding DVD and Photos are mostly for the mammies.

I had to sit through my sisters DVD multiple times and it was boring from the first viewing - and thats my own flesh and blood having a hooley on it. If I was not related to half the people on it I would not have sat through it at all. And I generally like weddings.

Honeymoon pics are different - those are interesting. But unless they ask to see the DVD, dont put it on.

seamus

happy wed wrote: »

Ok may be I am not explaining properly, they all wanted to see pics etc but when we got back from HM with everything and got dvd and pics I texted dem to come and see everything but they were too busy and kept putting it off. Now its been two weeks and they haven't seen anything.

A whole two weeks?

Look, nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do. And nobody ever will.
They're putting it off because they have more important/fun things to do. Your wedding was what, 6, maybe 8 weeks ago? They're not that interested in seeing the photos again so soon. Sure they've probably been looking at the non-professional photos on facebook for the last two months.

I'm sure they do want to have a look at the photos, but they don't want to attend, "Jane's night of looking at her wedding photos". What they want is "A night out with Jane and the girls", where they'll take a look at your wedding photos during it.

Your friends aren't rushing to come look at your photos, not out of jealousy but because they just don't care that much. Not about you, but about looking at photos of a day which they've attended. For you, it was the most important day of your life. For them, it was just another fun party, ranked up there with someone's 21st and the day Ireland won the triple crown. You need to get some perspective.

Here's what you do - try to set a date where they all come to your house for some wine and stuff, maybe a month or so away. You arrange to set up the wedding photos as a slideshow and have them playing on the TV in the background. Not a picture-by-picture commentary, just a slideshow playing in the background.
Do not stick on the wedding DVD unless someone asks. Even then, go for the highlights. They were there remember? They don't want to have to look at 2.5 hours of footage.
Honeymoon snaps are different, they're interesting.
When you're done with the photos, go out for dinner. Then you're done, wedding is over. The photos are not a big deal.

wild_cat

As someone who has recently had to endure watching a wedding DVD and going through "snaps of the big day".

Maybe they don't want to be bored senseless?

Logical Fallacy

happy wed wrote: »

Ok may be I am not explaining properly, they all wanted to see pics etc but when we got back from HM with everything and got dvd and pics I texted dem to come and see everything but they were too busy and kept putting it off. Now its been two weeks and they haven't seen anything.
I know they are jealous because we all talked about my big day and they wanted one too, only they are not engaged and some single, so I have a great day to look back on but not them.

People , in general, are not stupid. It's entirely possible they have picked up some vibes that you think they are all hopeless singletons or going out with losers. It's entirely possible they just don't want to invest too much effort into an event they have already witnessed and which you appear to be holding over them.

Napper Hawkins

happy wed wrote: »

My friends are not being supportive of me, I had a lovely big wedding but they are jealous of it. They are either single or going out with loser guys who won't pop the questions and don't want to see my wedding photo's or dvd, they are not interested. Even though I would be happy if they married and not jealous of them. I dont know if I should ask them whats' wrong or what i should do, they are very good friends but not great after the wedding.

Wow, you sound like a right catch you do.

LegacyUser

ok so nobody thinks its bad that they made a fuss about seeing pics and dvd before wedding and now don't want to know about coming over to see them.

Im not a bridzilla, I just taught they'd be more interested in my big day Id be interested in theres.

Sooopie

happy wed wrote: »

My friends are not being supportive of me, I had a lovely big wedding but they are jealous of it. They are either single or going out with loser guys who won't pop the questions and don't want to see my wedding photo's or dvd, they are not interested. Even though I would be happy if they married and not jealous of them. I dont know if I should ask them whats' wrong or what i should do, they are very good friends but not great after the wedding.[/QUOTE]


speaking from experience, when my mate got married she turned into a total and utter nightmare & seeing as it was her big day we all bit our lips & said nowt. Once the wedding was over, we breathed a big sigh of relief.

We'd had our fill of it!

zxcvbnm1

happy wed wrote: »

Ok may be I am not explaining properly, they all wanted to see pics etc but when we got back from HM with everything and got dvd and pics I texted dem to come and see everything but they were too busy and kept putting it off. Now its been two weeks and they haven't seen anything.
I know they are jealous because we all talked about my big day and they wanted one too, only they are not engaged and some single, so I have a great day to look back on but not them.

My God - you are out of touch with everyone.

Guess what - most people don't get jealous when their friends get married.
Most people don't give two hoots in fact. They just go along, get p1ssed and that's it as far as they are concerned.

But no - in your case you insist instead ALL your friends are jealous.
Unless they are an unbelievably bad bunch of people then you are most certainly wrong.

These people don't want to see you pics from your wedding day becaue they simply couldn't care less. Looking at pics from someones wedding is BORING !!
How can you not unerstand this? I think it's amazing how some people cannot realise syuch basic things.

They are all probably laughing at you behind your back comparing the excuses they made up to get out of such an uninteresting evening.

Unless these girls are a particularly spiteful bunch (which begs the question why you would be friends with them in the first place) then i can assure you they are not jealoius.

They simply just don't care !

zxcvbnm1

happy wed wrote: »

ok so nobody thinks its bad that they made a fuss about seeing pics and dvd before wedding and now don't want to know about coming over to see them.

.

They clearly just said it out of politeness.

Of course they don't want to bother looking at the dvd and pictures.

How on earth could that be considered an interesting evening by them?

and how on earth can you not understand that?

Sooopie

happy wed wrote: »

Ok may be I am not explaining properly, they all wanted to see pics etc but when we got back from HM with everything and got dvd and pics I texted dem to come and see everything but they were too busy and kept putting it off. Now its been two weeks and they haven't seen anything.
I know they are jealous because we all talked about my big day and they wanted one too, only they are not engaged and some single, so I have a great day to look back on but not them.

:rolleyes:

pass my congrats onto your very lucky husband.

Neyite

happy wed wrote: »

ok so nobody thinks its bad that they made a fuss about seeing pics and dvd before wedding and now don't want to know about coming over to see them.

Im not a bridzilla, I just taught they'd be more interested in my big day Id be interested in theres.

No, I dont think its bad - they mentioned it before the wedding. Then they went to the real thing, saw photos on facebook and dont want to sit through a night of more of it.

Or maybe they dont want to spend the evening with a smug married who looks down on them and the "loser" men they love.

I know if a friend implied that she was somehow better than me because of a ring, I wouldnt be long in dropping her like a ton of bricks, quicker if she called my partner a loser.

Logical Fallacy

happy wed wrote: »

ok so nobody thinks its bad that they made a fuss about seeing pics and dvd before wedding and now don't want to know about coming over to see them.

Im not a bridzilla, I just taught they'd be more interested in my big day Id be interested in theres.

You were on cloud nine at the time, they were hardly going to say anything else? It's been a mere two weeks since you got back from the honeymoon you need to chill on it a little bit.

LegacyUser

ok Ill leave it for now and ask dem again in a few weeks, thanks.

LegacyUser

OP, you obviously misinterpreted your friends' enthusiasm to see the photos and video. They were only humouring you.

NOBODY should have to sit through anyone else's wedding album/video. It's a memento of your and your husband's day. Even your immediate family will care little for this, despite what they might tell you.

Spare yourself any embarrassment and spare anyone the torture of having to sit through something they really do not want to do.

It si , also, noticeable, there's no mention of the husband in all of this. Was his role only peripheral? Or was it a day for two people?

LegacyUser

happy wed wrote: »

ok so nobody thinks its bad that they made a fuss about seeing pics and dvd before wedding and now don't want to know about coming over to see them.

No. Nobody thinks it's bad. More than likely your friendsw were just being polite and making a fuss of you on your big day. And I'm sure with a few drinks taken they managed to sound interested.

But really they're not. That's ok. Weddings really are a bore unless it's your wedding.

You've got to understand, your wedding is over. Don't become a wedding bore. People WILL start to avoid you.

happy wed wrote: »

Im not a bridzilla, I just taught they'd be more interested in my big day Id be interested in theres.

No, they're not interested in your big day. If you're interested in theirs that's nice but given that they've just been to your wedding it's a bit ridiculous of you to expect them all to haul ass out to your house to look at the feckin DVD and pictures a mere two weeks later.

OP, I suggest you find something else to get on with. The wedding's over. It's back to reality now. Oh and it is really deluded to jump to the conclusion that they're jealous of your wedding. Don't say that to anyone, you will be laughed at.

trio

happy wed wrote: »

ok so nobody thinks its bad that they made a fuss about seeing pics and dvd before wedding and now don't want to know about coming over to see them.

It was before the wedding. I'm sure they meant it. But now they've actually seen the DVD - through their own eyes, on your wedding day. They don't need to see it again.

Im not a bridzilla, I just taught they'd be more interested in my big day Id be interested in theres.

You talk as if your big day was still yet to come! They WERE interested in your big day. And then it happened. And they were presumably delighted for you, and enjoyed celebrating it with you.

But your wedding day has ended. And your time as a bride has ended. And I sense that you are still thinking of yourself as The Bride.

I'm sorry, but once you come back from honeymoon, then you're not The Bride anymore. You're just the You that you were before you even got engaged. And it can be startling to re-adjust to. But you're gonna have to - cos your friends don't deserve this at all. You're just being downright bitchy about them, just cos they have other stuff in their lives more pressing than oohing and aahing about a wedding they were actually at just a few short weeks ago.

tinkerbell

Ah OP, deluded much? Your friends have moved on. They were most likely being polite when they said they'd look at the weddings pics and dvd as they didn't want to let the princess bride down. Get over yourself. They are not jealous of you. In fact, you are the one being downright nasty here by assuming your friends must be jealous of you coz you've just gotten married and so that makes you far superior to everyone else. Get over yourself. Nobody cares about wedding albums and wedding dvds unless they are the bride and groom or parents generally.

You need to stop being a bridezilla - the whole world does not revolve around you and your bloody wedding.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies, I just taught it was weird no one was interested because mam and dad and there friends loved seeing the pics and dvd but not are friends. So other people don't care, well when there days come Ill know not to care.

LegacyUser

My sister got married recently and the happy couple gave me a copy of the wedding DVD. I've not watched it yet and keep putting off doing so. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister dearly, am delighted that she's married and I did enjoy the day. I just have no interest whatsoever in watching that DVD or reliving the day. It was wonderful for the married couple of course but it's a bit presumptuous to expect everyone else to share their sentiments. If I do watch the DVD it will be out of sheer politeness or a fear of insulting them. That's honestly how I feel about it. Call me a beeatch if you want.

Don't ask your friends about the DVD or photos again. If they change their minds and ask to see them off their own bat, then let them see them.

And finally, don't turn into a Smug Married. I couldn't help but notice your comment about your friends being single or with losers. That's their business. Don't assume that just because the ring's on your finger that your life's more wonderful

Ickle Magoo

happy wed wrote: »

Thanks for replies, I just taught it was weird no one was interested because mam and dad and there friends loved seeing the pics and dvd but not are friends.

Perhaps it's a generational thing? Or your parents and their friends felt less able to say no and were just being polite? Honestly, I have never been the slightest bit interested at viewing my own wedding DVD or pics - I can only imagine how other people would feel at the prospect.

happy wed wrote: »

So other people don't care, well when there days come Ill know not to care.

I suspect when their day comes you'll suddenly understand how your friends are feeling now. They cared enough to come to the wedding, probably the hen, most likely the afters and partook in all the excitement in the lead up to the big day - you can't surely think bad of them for hinting now that enough is enough?

Firetrap

happy wed wrote: »

Thanks for replies, I just thought it was weird no one was interested because mam and dad and their friends loved seeing the pics and dvd but not are friends. So other people don't care, well when their days come I'll know not to care.

Now you're just coming across as a spoiled child. Sorry if I'm being harsh but that's the way I'm reading it. How do you know everyone loved it? For all you or I know, they sat through the DVD out of sheer politeness. Honestly, most people I know would sooner walk barefoot across hot coals than sit through a wedding DVD. I can understand why the footage is important to you and your OH. It's a bit much for you to expect your friends to feel as strongly about your wedding as you do though.

username123

What AGE are you OP?

Honestly - you sound like a child, your friends have loser boyfriends, theyre jealous of you cos you had a big day and they didnt, youll know not to be interested when their big day comes!!!

Seriously - grow up!!

lazygal

Weddings are just not that interesting after the fact-to anybody! Like, my parents loved seeing the pics but we haven't yet given them their dvd copy, we only have one for the parents because it was part of the package!

You sound like a pretty limited person if this is a major issue for you, you are not a bride!

Big Bag of Chips

I've never even sat through MY OWN dvd! it's boring!! I flicked through my album once or twice.. haven't seen it in about 6 years I'd say.

Your friends aren't being mean, or bitchy, or jealous.

You on the other hand.....

Neyite

happy wed wrote: »

Thanks for replies, I just taught it was weird no one was interested because mam and dad and there friends loved seeing the pics and dvd but not are friends. So other people don't care, well when there days come Ill know not to care.

So your friends sat through the saga of the engagement, listened to you regale them with how he proposed, and assuming you threw a bash to celebrate, bought an outfit and attended; listened to the minutae of each and every step of your wedding planning over months and months, listened to you talk about colour schemes, and favours and the band and the car and the church and the flowers, attended a hen party or hen weekend (another few outfits+ hotel room) , attended your wedding at a (another outfit , probably bought you and your husband a nice gift or a well-padded card maybe hired a babysitter), wished you well on honeymoon, and now you are going to snub them on their Wedding day when it comes around all because they simply could not feign interest any longer after years of hearing you prattle on about you.

Yes, other people dont care. Its a day out to them. Its important to you because you made vows on that day, and important to your family because someone officially joined the family, but to the rest of the people, it was a day out. A session. One of probably several they went to this year alone. They have spent a fortune on you and now you want to snub them when their turn comes.

I think I know why your friends are avoiding you.

Seraphina

Plus 100 million to the above post.

Not every woman is as interested in weddings as your are OP (I'm one of them) If you were my friend, for your sake, yes I would have sat through hours of planning and non-stop wedding talk, secretly wishing you'd shut up but listening anyway. I'm not jealous, I have no desire for a 'big day' with all it's vulgar accoutrements, forced spending and annoying etiquette. But you're my friend, so I'll sit through it anyway. I'll buy the outfits, make a fuss of you again and again, after he proposes, at the engagement party, at the hen party, and on the day itself. I'll do it because while it's not important to me, it's important to you and I want to make you happy.

But you're married now. The fuss of the engagement and the wedding is over. You need to accept you are no longer the centre of attention, and stop trying to re-live the time you were. If you were my friend, you'd have received a much ruder response to your request that people would come over for an evening of snaps and dvds. UGH. I have other things in my life that go beyond your obsession with marriage and weddings.

Maple

Sooopie wrote: »

[/B]

:rolleyes:

pass my congrats onto your very lucky husband.

Completely unnecessary, another comment like that and you'll find yourself on the end of a ban.

All of you, going forward please keep your replies constructive and courteous.

You may not agree with the "severity" of the OP's issue but abusing her is against the charter.

Maple

Sooopie

username123 wrote: »

What AGE are you OP?

Honestly - you sound like a child, your friends have loser boyfriends, theyre jealous of you cos you had a big day and they didnt, youll know not to be interested when their big day comes!!!

Seriously - grow up!!

I was wondering this - she must be quite young!!!

I am a friend

happy wed wrote: »

a lovely big wedding

IMHO, there is no such thing... Why do you think they would be so engrossed if they were one of hundreds at your wedding.

Like most thing, its much more important to the person experiencing it than the lookers on...

Sleepy

Look seamus is right in his advice here. No-one is as interested in your wedding pics as you are. I'd be stunned if even your husband had half as much interest as you. Your friends were being good friends and polite when they let you believe they'd be interested in seeing the pics. TBH, your attitude to their "failure" of not being married yet suggests you're the one who needs to consider how good a friend you are to them.

LegacyUser

You are being very ungrateful and unreasonable OP.

They came to your wedding, spent a fortune and made all the right noises throughout and now because they are less than enthusiastic about looking at the wedding dvd you throw your toys out of the pram.

Your day is over. You are coming over as bitter, spoilt and ungrateful.

You really need to have a think and show some manners. Your remarks about your friends boyfriends being 'losers' and imagining that they are jealous of you are awful.

Life is not a competition you know.

LegacyUser

OP first off Id like to say congrats on your big day, I have no doubt it meant a lot to you! Now secondly I would like to ask you have you made any sort of effort since you got married to see how your friends have been and what has been happening in their lives?

What many brides need to realise is that the world doesn't stop for them. You should appreciate that your friends all made the effort to attend your big day. Weddings are expensive. I can also guarantee you as a single woman I would NEVER want the pity of a married person just because Im single. Each to their own!

If you were even half the bridezilla before the wedding that you seem to be in those posts I would imagine your friends are breathing a sigh of relief it's all over and not quite ready to go through it again and possibly aren't even ready to be around you again (. . . Back in 'Nam!).

I would also stop asking them to watch the dvd or see your pics and as others have pointed out they have probably seen as much as they want to see on facebook and they know you have them so they can ask you themselves if they want to see them.

WindSock

You had 'your big day', they went along and celebrated 'your (and your husband's) big day' already. Why should they continue to celebrate it? Reliving someone else's vows, speeches and drunken old people dancing are hardly on the top of anyone's list for peak entertaininment.

I'd be happy enough if I were you if they were still around to wish you well on your 10th anniversary.

brokensoul

The only person who has ever looked at all of my wedding photos is my mother!

Apart from that, most people dont really care to be honest.

I think it can be easy to get carried away with it, but you need to remember that just because it was the best day of your life (if it was) that doesnt mean it was the best day of your friend's lives.

LegacyUser

ok thanks for messages. I will just stop asking dem over, they can see them in a few weeks when they are calmed down about my day.

baby and crumble

happy wed wrote: »

ok Ill leave it for now and ask dem again in a few weeks, thanks.

Nobody has mentioned this- really, OP, don't ask them again. If they want to see them, they'll ask themselves. If they know every few weeks you're going to ask if they want to see your wedding pics, it'll just annoy them.

I went to a friends wedding last week, and my brothers a few weeks before that. Now, it was lovely to see my brothers photos, but there were huge chunks of people I simply didn't know. Why would I want to sit through millions of pictures of my sister-in-laws friends from school, or her cousins or whatever it is? And there are loads of pictures of them. All I wanted to see was pictures of my family and me, tbh. Same goes for the wedding of one of my friends last week. I couldn't give a crap about all the randomers i didn't know that were at that wedding. Yes, it'll be lovely to see the official photos when they come out, but I'd prefer to do it at home, on my computer thanks to a web gallery. I don't have to panic about getting the prints dirty, or giggling at the wrong time or something.

But definitely the DVD would hold no interest for me at all. I was there, I saw all this happening. Yes, I can understand how it's nice to for YOU to see what your weddings was like from another viewpoint, but that viewpoint is pretty much what your guests saw. Why would they want to see it all over again?

gosuckonalemon

Jesus OP you sound like a very spoiled, immature, self obsessed child. By the sounds of it you were lucky to have had anyone come to your wedding at all if you really are as you have portrayed yourself in this thread.

To think other people would want to sit down and go through your wedding pics! What planet do you live on?

Otis Driftwood

happy wed wrote: »

ok thanks for messages. I will just stop asking dem over, they can see them in a few weeks when they are calmed down about my day.

This thread has run its course.

Just to add,insulting posters is not on so respondants would be wise to remember that when posting here in future.