Date rape

RuthieC

I feel sick to my stomach. I just read that recent thread on a girl who had suspicions she'd been raped by a guy at a wedding. The thread is closed now, but some of the responses she got have got my blood boiling.

In response, I'd like to share some personal feelings about my own experience. In some way, I would hope to help someone from wasting years of their life denying what happened to them - like I did.

I was drugged and raped by a co-worker seven years ago. Because I knew him, and worked with him five days a week, I didn't understand what happened. When us girls are younger, we're told about rape. About how it can be violent, about how it can happen when you're walking home on your own at night. It can happen in that way. But for some of us, it happens with someone we know. It happens on a night out. It happens with little violence, maybe even none. But it still happens. And its affects penetrate so deep that it would blow your mind.

I spent the last six years telling myself that I must've got really drunk. That I must have lead him on in some way. That was consciously. Subconsciously I was telling myself that I was worthless. That I was a slut. That I was insignificant. I went from being pretty respectful with my body, to becoming vulgarly promiscuous. I woke up every morning afterward, with the feeling like I'd been raped again. Only I was allowing it to happen. Because deep down when it happened originally... I believed that I had allowed it to happen.

If someone is mentally incapacitated and doesn't know what they are doing... whether they got themselves into that state or not... if you have sex with them, that is rape. Compare it to stealing... if someone was slumped over in the street drunk, and you stole from their wallet, wouldn't that be wrong? So why do some people think that having sex with them isn't a form of theft. The worst form of theft.

It took a recent abusive relationship to wake me up to the fact that all was not right. I am now going to the rape crisis centre for therapy. Yes, I know who he is, and no I haven't decided whether to make a statement or not. It is far too long ago for a charge to be made, but a statement may scare him enough to stop him from doing it to someone else. I wouldn't wish this feeling on a single soul. It has the ability to rip you up inside. One night that probably means nothing to them, can destroy your world.

I guess what I'd like to say in this post, is that date rape is serious. Please don't be careless with your advice or words. Please think of your sisters, friends, girlfriends. Think of how you would feel if someone took advantage of them. Just because there have been people who have claimed rape before and been lying, doesn't mean that anyone who comes onto this board in a search for help would be lying. Also... maybe this is just a personal thing... but I really don't think anyone wants to be known for being raped. It's not something that anyone would want to openly broadcast about themselves. So please show a little kindness in future. And for those who are questioning whether it was or it wasn't... deep down you know. Don't lie to yourself anymore... talk to someone and get help.

Love and warm thoughts with you all x

Emme

Well done for facing up to this. It's a long hard road to recovery and you can't force it. You are getting counselling now which is good. All your reactions are very common and don't let anybody make you feel bad.

Take care.

Ickle Magoo

While I really do appreciate the sentiment OP, this is an advice forum and as you aren't looking for advice but rather commenting on another thread, I have to lock this thread.

If you wish to start a discussion on date rape then Humanities or The Ladies Lounge would be appropriate forums.

All the very best.