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Not sure about relationship anymore

  • 19-08-2011 7:06pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi All,

    Regular user going unreg.

    Just wondering what peoples' opinions would be on this situation. I've been with my girlfriend for four years. All through college, essentially and a year afterwards.

    Up until last year, things were amazing. Now we've both got jobs, and I never really see her. We don't live together, and it doesn't seem to be on the agenda for either of us, although we do from time to time dicuss the future. Early this year, we had an argument, which is out of character for us as a couple, basically I insulted her one day (didn't mean it, it just kinda came out) and we had a massive fight but sorted it out. A couple of months back she, out of nowhere, suggested that we go on a break, and I refused, saying a break is a break up, and that considering I barely see her anyway it wouldn't achieve anything that we couldn't achieve by talking our problems out. Since then things have been fine again, and I can see that she's ok, but I haven't really gotten over the suggestion of a break myself, it really hurt me that after all I invested in our relationship she would suggest this.

    I have since found myself semi-avoiding her company - I'm happy to work later and at the weekends just to avoid having to dwell on the insecurity that this suggestion has left me with. I have also had advances from a fair few really awesome girls in the last while that has made me look around more often than I did before, and I find myself constantly fantasising about being with other women - I don't care what anyone says, but looking at other women is normal for any guy, no matter how deep in a relationship. The difference is that now I actually do give consideration to following up on these thoughts - one girl that I have known for a while recently kissed me, and although I pulled away and stopped it straight away, I really did want to carry on. I have never cheated though, and I'd like to think that I wouldn't.

    I have decided to make more of an effort for the rest of this year to see more of my girlfriend and hope that things will get back to how they were, because to be fair I think every relationship must get a it stale sometimes, especially after so long - the novelty factor about diving into bed with a girl you just met is always going to wear off, which is the main reason I wouldn't cheat out of pure lust, I just don't see it as a fair cost for a 4 year relationship with someone special.

    I have decided that tomorrow I am going to air my grievances with the OH and tell her where I am at the minute, I'm not going to tell her that I am giving things until the end of the year to see if they improve, but I feel that after the amount of time we have spent together (the vast majority of which has been amazing) I owe at least a sustained period of work to see if things can be fixed rather than just jumping overboard without serious consideration.

    The problem is I just don't feel loved. I feel like i'm in a relationship in name only, and that things are passing me by. Do you guys think I'm doing the right thing or can anyone make a reommendation as to how I should go about resolving my issues?

    I would be grateful for any advice, as I have never been in such a situation before.

    Sorry for the rant!


Comments

  • #2
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    your contradicting yourself , on one hand you say you don't feel loved and are in a relationship in name only yet on the other hand you freely admit you are semi avoiding her company.

    How can you be in a proper relationship if you are avoiding your partner. I understand that you felt hurt when the break up was suggested but I would say try lose the hurt and recognise the fact that your girlfriend felt all was not right. She clearly felt enough for you to stay within the relationship and make it work.

    Im all for discussing your feelings with your partner , your 100% right to go down this route. If she is serious about the relationship she will respond positively

    fwiw stick to your guns and don't cheat on her, once you open that floodgate there's no going back.

    good luck tomorrow


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