People getting too close, how to get a message across??

LegacyUser

Hi everybody. I hope to ask your advice.

I have a person in my life who is a friend, but a long distance friend. We became friends over the phone through work, and it was never really more than a laugh and a joke. Recently, this person came to my home area for a holiday, and I spent some time showing them the sites of the area and giving a bit of a tour. While they were here, they seemed to become quite attached to me, and this made me very uncomfortable, as I don’t see this person as anything more than a long distance phone friend that I done a favour for. I have not done anything to instigate the woman becoming close to me, and literally just acted as a tour guide during the day.

Now, since the person has returned home, I am getting numerous texts a day saying things like “I miss you so much” and “I love you” and its making me very uncomfortable as I barely know the woman. She is married with kids, and quite a bit older than me. In saying that though, I don’t want to hurt her by being blunt, but I need this to stop. She is going through a tough time I think, and I feel I need to be very gentle about this. I have tried to broach the subject before, but I have had occasion now where her daughter has texted me after I sent a mild rebuttal text to tell me I have upset her mum so much, and that she is in floods of tears and extremely upset. I am getting texts as early as 8am and as late 1am in the morning. If I don’t respond, I get more and more texts asking what is wrong with me and saying things like “I am not very happy with you right now” Its beginning to drive me a bit mad.

Any idea how to gently advise somebody to stop behaving like this?
thanks

allym

I think you need to tell her straight out that you are
not interested in having any sort of a relationship with her, beyond what is required for work (or whatever the case may be).

She will probably make you feel guilty and you'll probably get several texts trying to make you feel bad but you have to ignore it!
I know it's hard as you don't want to upset her but you have to make it clear that her behaviour is unacceptable and you won't put up with it.

She has to be told flat out that your not interested or she'll never get the message.

Taltos

You have 2 choices

1. Be blunt
2. Cut all contact immediately - though since she knows where you live this is difficult.

Seems like a common enough thing though - I and a colleague of mine both have experienced this to different degrees. In my case I just stopped all contact and made it so they could not contact me. Freaked me out as she knew I was married and happily so - weirder still we only ever really talked about work issues. In my colleagues experience though - this woman arrived in Dublin airport and he got a phonecall to collect her... Which he did - but he drove her to an hotel and wished her a happy holiday - again he too is married and did nothing to lead this person on.

Hope it works out ok for you.

Doirtybirdy

Keep the texts,do not delete them
You have a stalker I'm afraid and thats illegal afaik.

She'll possibly have previous form with this.

In the meantime,get yourself a different phone and don't pass on the number to anyone that will give it to her.

Have someone contact her daughter locally with your concerns but talk to a garda first and let them know how you are proceeding or get their advice on it.
Tell them you want to be carefull as you want rid of the nuisance but don't want a suicide case on your hands.
I hope that helps