STIs - Please help

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Any advice appreciated though I am aware some people may judge me, I was diagnosed with genital warts when I was about 23, I ended up bawling crying in two doctors offices, I was in a long term relationship at the time and never told him, he wasnt very mature and we were in the same year in college and I was afraid he'd tell everyone. I have since been with three more people two long term relationships and one fling. I felt terribly guilty about this recently and told both the ex I was with at the time and the next one and the guy Im with now but not the fling. The guy Im with now and my last boyfriend were fine about it but kind of dismissed it as not a big deal, the first guy basically implied I was a bit of a slut as he knew I had messed around with one person before I meet him (even though if were we finger pointing he had been with far more people). He was freaking out about whether or not to tell his next long term girlfriend as she would freak apparently.

I havent told the fling as I would find that awful but am considering it but I realise if I say could you please tell every woman you have since been with that you may have contracted it he probably wont.

I went to a doctor in the Wellwoman Clinic who basically acted like I was a mental patient and said like some really high percentage of people have this virus and most will never know and people's health is their own responsibility, and the strain which causes warts isnt the same strain that causes cancer etc. and as I said seemed to think I was unstable.

I regret what I have done so much I wish I had told everyone since so they had a choice but it actually didn't even occur to me I think I kinda thought about it as it was in the past.

I started freaking out recently and told them all when I was reading about the link between HPV and cervical cancer even though that woman told me there is no link. Then yesterday I read about a case in the UK where I guy went to jail for giving someone herpes.

Anyhows as I said any thoughts/advice, stories welcome.

LegacyUser

I caught genital warts off my long term boyfriend a few months ago. I'm still going through treatment, as they keep moving from place to place down there (argh), but seriously, it's no big deal. Don't get me wrong, I don't like them, they're really annoying, and I can't wait till it's cleared up.

This is my first STI/STD, I'm stupid I caught them, and we regret not making my boyf and I go for a test before we slept together - but hey, as STIs go, it's one of the best to get. TBH I've asked my boyf if he knows who he got them from, he says he's not sure. I don't expect him to tell his exes about genital warts. If it was chlamydia or something more serious or 'hidden' then he should tell them. I would def tell my next partner (if I ever have one) bout the virus, but in the case of genital warts, I don't think you need to tell your 'fling'. Your fling will figure it out himself when he sees warts . . . although of course, he might not necessarily have caught it/it might never flare up anyway. The good thing about warts, is that you don't need to know about them, till you see them. It's not like the other 'more serious' diseases.

Believe the medical professionals, not The Internet - there is no link between genital warts and cervical cancer, even though both are from (totally different strains of) HPV virus.

I regret getting the warts too, but like, I think you need to get over it by now, it seems you found out about this a few years ago?

And to everyone else: Be warned! My boyf and I were never sluts, and we have this now . . . please learn from our mistake and get tested!

Well obviously you should have told everyone involved at the time, but you've done your best to rectify that, so you wont accomplish anything by still feeling bad about it. I'm not clear on whether you've told the fling or not, (you said at the start that you didn't but at the end you said you've told "them all") but if you haven't you should tell the fling, unless you have reason to think he's not at risk.

HPV is not one virus. It has many strains. Check out the HPV wikipedia page, (obviously not always the most reliable site but it explains better the differences the well woman doctor told you about) under Signs and Symptoms. Genital warts are caused by certain strains of HPV, cancers are caused by other, different strains. The strains for genital warts and cancer are as separate as the strains for genital warts and cold sores, or the warts someone might get on their hands.

I can understand that a lot of people don't understand how scary it must be, and that a lot of people would overreact if they knew, but anyone at risk should be told, regardless of how embarrassing/potentially damaging to your reputation it may be. On the bright side, if you make sure you've told everyone you need to, at least you can rest assured that you did the right thing. People might judge you at first for having it, but when they get over the stigma, they'll see that you acted for the best when you had the choice.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your reply, I should clarify it was 7 years ago so potentially several people could be at risk.

I spoke to a doctor at a Wellwoman clinic about it and she was of the view that you don't have to tell people that if people have more then one sexual partner they are at risk and that it their responsibility to look after their own health and she explained the thing about the different strains and that you could have it and not know it and then she said "Are you worried that you have given woman cancer or something" I said yes and she pretty much said that was mad.

I am pretty sure the guys I have told arent going to tell anyone past or future by their reactions, so short of tracking their partners down I dont know what to do!

I havent told the fling, I dont know him anymore he has moved to the UK and I only have an email address, we always used protection even though I know that may not be enough. So I think I will find I way to send him an anon email. Again though I imagine he still sleeps around so I dont know if he would tell anyone.

I really regret my behaviour I dont know what I was thinking at the time it was selfish and stupid and it may have actually really hurt people. The oddest thing is it didnt even occur to me to tell my other partners I think I must have thought it had "gone away" or something which I understand now isnt the case. I even remember worrying with my ex boyfriend that as he had been in Asia a lot I should ask him to get tested that how little I thought about my risk to him!

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I know what you're going through. I caught genital warts when I was in college from an absolute tool of an ex boyfriend of mine who had been sleeping around while we were together. I was warned by the doctor at the time not to be blaming anyone in particular. Apparently EVERYONE is at risk just by having sex. Condoms don't necessarily protect against it and it can lay dormant for a while before flaring up so you can never really be sure where you got it from unless you've only slept with one person in your life.

I had them treated and they've never returned (talking about 5 years or so).

It may appear irresponsible but I have never told any of my partners since. I was told by my doctor that it will only be passed on while you actually physically have the warts, which I haven't had in years and so as far as I was concerned none of my partners since have been at risk as long as there is no break out. Perhaps this was misinformation though - now I'm starting to worry.

neveah

OP you need to calm down. This is so common now you have no idea. I agree with the doctor in the Wellwoman's Clinic. It is up to people to protect their own health but the thing with genital warts is that you can still get the virus that causes it even if you use a condom, it's skin to skin contact. There is a very high percentage of people with this virus, some do not develop warts but they still carry the virus and can pass it on, totally unawares.

As for the guy going to jail, I read about this, as far as I can tell the Sexual Health Clinic in the UK is very unhappy with this verdict, they said something like 'it's tantamount to putting children in jail for passing on the chicken pox'. That's how common these viruses have become! If you drank from the same bottle as someone with a cold sore you could develop cold sores, it's the same thing!

As far as I am aware, every woman over the age of 25 in Ireland gets a free smear test and also if they are found to be carrying the HPV virus they will get regular smears as well, this helps detect early signs of cancer, every woman out there has access to these tests, so OP it will NOT be your fault if a woman gets cancer. You are one of millions of people with this virus. Who's to say that your ex's didn't sleep with someone else with the virus?? There is no sure way of knowing where you got it from unless you have only ever slept with one person. Calling yourself a slut or allowing others to call you that is not helpful and it is not true, don't focus on this. As I said you can sleep with one person and still develop this. Concentrate on dealing with your own situation and don't worry about others, obviously you don't want to pass it on but sometimes it's unavoidable unless you never have sex again for the rest of your life. You can be pro-active and wear a condom but as I said if people sleep with multiple partners then they know they are at risk of contracting something, it's not your duty to pass on the info about the warts to your ex's, their new partners, your flings, their ex-partners, the ex's ex etc......

lace

+1 to everything said above.

You need to tell all your previous partners who may have contracted the disease and suggest that get tested and contact any women they may have passed the disease on to. If you haven't yet told the fling then you need to make that phonecall. He could be out there passing it on to other women right now.

In relation to your doctor at the clinic - if you're not happy with the way you were treated there you should go back and ask to speak to a different doctor. She was right to say that a high percentage of people have some form of HPV (many strains have no symptoms) and that you shouldn't be overly worried about the risk of cancer.

As for people being jailed for spreading STI's I've only ever heard of one case and that was an American man who was convicted on multiple counts of assault with a deadly weapon (the weapon being his semen) after seducing and intentionally infecting a number of women with HIV. He had had all the tests, been diagnosed and been warned to tell all past and future partners years previously but seduced and had sex with these women without telling them about his diagnosis in order to infect them and ruin their lives as his had been ruined. You were embarrassed, didn't tell your partners and then later felt guilty and told them. You've done the right thing. You don't need to worry.

Once you've told your previous partners about your diagnosis and suggested that they go and get tested then your part is done. As long as you continue to be open and honest with partners then you're in the clear. I know there's a stigma attached to STI's and, unfortunately, this is something you're going to have to deal with. Hopefully the men you tell will be mature enough not to go spreading the word around.

LegacyUser

lace wrote: »

+1 to everything said above.

You need to tell all your previous partners who may have contracted the disease and suggest that get tested and contact any women they may have passed the disease on to. If you haven't yet told the fling then you need to make that phonecall. He could be out there passing it on to other women right now.

In relation to your doctor at the clinic - if you're not happy with the way you were treated there you should go back and ask to speak to a different doctor. She was right to say that a high percentage of people have some form of HPV (many strains have no symptoms) and that you shouldn't be overly worried about the risk of cancer.

As for people being jailed for spreading STI's I've only ever heard of one case and that was an American man who was convicted on multiple counts of assault with a deadly weapon (the weapon being his semen) after seducing and intentionally infecting a number of women with HIV. He had had all the tests, been diagnosed and been warned to tell all past and future partners years previously but seduced and had sex with these women without telling them about his diagnosis in order to infect them and ruin their lives as his had been ruined. You were embarrassed, didn't tell your partners and then later felt guilty and told them. You've done the right thing. You don't need to worry.

Once you've told your previous partners about your diagnosis and suggested that they go and get tested then your part is done. As long as you continue to be open and honest with partners then you're in the clear. I know there's a stigma attached to STI's and, unfortunately, this is something you're going to have to deal with. Hopefully the men you tell will be mature enough not to go spreading the word around.

Hi Lace,

Thanks for your advice the only problem is that there is no way of testing men for the strain of HPV that causes gentital warts - this is adding to my problem if it was a simple as saying to someone I had it Im sorry I didnt tell you you may have caught it please get tested and ask others to Id do it but what Im saying is I had it, there is a chance it was passed to you but we will never know unless you show symptoms which a lot of people who have that strain of HPV never do my ex who I most likely caught it from didnt.

neveah

lace wrote: »

+1 to everything said above.

You need to tell all your previous partners who may have contracted the disease and suggest that get tested and contact any women they may have passed the disease on to. If you haven't yet told the fling then you need to make that phonecall. He could be out there passing it on to other women right now.

In relation to your doctor at the clinic - if you're not happy with the way you were treated there you should go back and ask to speak to a different doctor. She was right to say that a high percentage of people have some form of HPV (many strains have no symptoms) and that you shouldn't be overly worried about the risk of cancer.

As for people being jailed for spreading STI's I've only ever heard of one case and that was an American man who was convicted on multiple counts of assault with a deadly weapon (the weapon being his semen) after seducing and intentionally infecting a number of women with HIV. He had had all the tests, been diagnosed and been warned to tell all past and future partners years previously but seduced and had sex with these women without telling them about his diagnosis in order to infect them and ruin their lives as his had been ruined. You were embarrassed, didn't tell your partners and then later felt guilty and told them. You've done the right thing. You don't need to worry.

Once you've told your previous partners about your diagnosis and suggested that they go and get tested then your part is done. As long as you continue to be open and honest with partners then you're in the clear. I know there's a stigma attached to STI's and, unfortunately, this is something you're going to have to deal with. Hopefully the men you tell will be mature enough not to go spreading the word around.

First off, it's not a 'disease' as you put it. It's a virus. It doesn't kill anybody.

If someone contracts this virus, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it only get treated if you develop warts. The only way someone for sure won't pass it on is if they never ever have sex with anyone again.

OP the reason I think you don't need to tell previous partners is for the reasons above. They may never develop any symptoms and the likelihood is they won't stop having sex either. You will not stop the spread of this by telling your ex partners. It won't achieve anything as far as I can see.

I would have a completely different opinion if it was chlamydia, HIV, syphilis etc. Some of these can be treated and cleared and you could prevent people from having fertility problems. HIV us obviously very serious as well. But honestly OP you will not cure anyone and you will not stop the spread so by telling past partners and all the people they might have slept with, I can tell you now, it's not going to change anything.

The only thing you can do is be honest with potential sexual partners in the future. If they choose to have sexual relations with you then thats their decision and you shouldn't feel guilty about it at all.

LegacyUser

lace wrote: »

You need to tell all your previous partners who may have contracted the disease and suggest that get tested and contact any women they may have passed the disease on to. If you haven't yet told the fling then you need to make that phonecall. He could be out there passing it on to other women right now.

Strongly disagree.

As stated above, it's a virus, not a disease!

As a doctor explained it to me - about 95% of sexually active people have already been exposed to the virus. Unless you're a virgin or only had unprotected sex with virgins, you probably already have HPV. Most people reading this thread have HPV. So do most people on the street.
For a small number of people, at times of stress, it can become symptomatic i.e. you get a wart. This can be treated or it can go away on it's own.
There is a link between some strains of HPV and the most common form of cervical abnormalities/cancer. Virgins rarely get cervical cancer though that can happen too.
But most women, as stated, will be exposed to HPV during their life time and their immune system will deal with it appropriately. Some women will get cervical abnormalities - so called pre-cancerous cells - which are not cancerous for many women, as they will often return to normal over time. Of course some women will go on to get cervical cancer but every woman should be going to screening for this.

So basically, seeing as ALMOST ALL of us have been exposed to the virus, the OP would be as well to get a louder speaker and talk to a crowd on O'Connell Street about HPV as start contacting a chain of exes from yesteryear.

I speak as a woman who has had cervival abnormalities and who's husband once had a wart on his penis. Which of us gave it to the other? We don't know and we don't care.
OP, you really need to give yourself a break. It's warts, not syphillus. You might as well be giving yourself a hard time about spreading the flu that time when you sneezed in a lift in 1999...

Alopex

What's not commonly recognised is warts are curable. not a simple cure but so long as you keep getting them treated your body can eliminate the virus.

I would also recommend going to national and private STD clinics not your GP or well-womans. the latter two use an aerosol spray can of liquid nitrogen (and you'll prob need expensive prescriptions)whereas the former use liq nitro from tanks applied with cotton wool or special devices which administer pure stuff

its a lot more painful but it works far better. The national clinics often give you topical lotions for free too.

also if you have health insurance they will cover the cost of treating warts at private clinics like dr. friedman in ranelagh(who would be top dog on STIs in ireland)

testing for other STIs not covered by insurance though

LegacyUser

hi op,

know how you feel. it's not the end of the world and like other posters have said it's a good wake up call.

was in a similar position about feelings for telling someone. in my case told ex girlfriend that i got them, she went nuts, only a little time later did i realise that i got them from her.