He's just not that into me?

LegacyUser

hey,

so new to the dating scene, I have been dating this guy for about a month now...
just need some advice....

if a guy doesn't text you back (until a day after) he is not interested right? he actually calls me every few days and we will arrange to go to the cinema, or he will call me out of the blue and ask to meet up in an hour or two.

We have had sex a few times....but there is no indication of where this is going, he seems kinda distant and as I said i would send him a text and sometimes not get a reply for a day.

He has also been reluctant about me staying over on nights we had sex (i kinda understand this...but it would be a sign he is not keen right?)

On nights we go to the cinema we just go home straight away afterwards and Ill get just a peck of a kiss (is this unusual)

I don't know... I really like this guy, I just don't know what to make of all this....should I just take it that he is just not that into me?

Let me know what you think

Mac0783

I hate to break it to you but i really think this is definitely a case of, he's just not that in to you, he hasn't pursued you at all, it looks like you're doing all the chasing.

My advice, quit while you're ahead and find someone who thinks you're the bees knees and will make a real effort to be with you / spend time with you.

LegacyUser

This sounds like a "thing" I had with a guy years ago. In hindsight I came to realise he only kept up contact with me for the sex. There are certainly similarities - not texting back for ages if at all, not staying over, the distance. On those cinema dates, I wonder why he's just giving you a peck on the cheek? Has he got another woman on the go somewhere? Sorry for my being cynical but I reckon he's really into you

neveah

I agree with Mac0783. I've been on the dating scene for a while myself and I've met so many guys who will start off really keen and then just turn ice cold leaving me questioning and analysing everything and wondering what went wrong! It's a head wreck really. I've just come to the basic conclusion that if he is interested he will text you, ring you and ask you out and there will be no ambiguity about where he stands.

At the moment it seems that this guy is using you as a back up of some sorts, sorry if that sounds harsh, but what I mean is that he rings you and gives you 1-2 hours notice, sounds like he's found himself at a loose end and he thinks your an easy option for some company. Also he is getting sex already so it's a win-win situation with him without having to put any more effort.

Maybe cool off a bit with him for a while, don't initiate any contact or be available at the drop of a hat and see how he reacts, this should give you your answer whether he's into you or not.

Miss Fluff

hesjustnotthatintoyou wrote: »

He has also been reluctant about me staying over on nights we had sex (i kinda understand this...but it would be a sign he is not keen right?

What reason does he give? It's really only when it's a fcuk buddy situation that sleeping over isn't part and parcel of a night's lovin' tbh. I'd find this hugely insulting if I saw him in any light other than being a casual FWB situation.

I don't think the signs look good here OP, sounds like he's not that serious about you. Also MASSIVE alarm bells him wanting to meet up giving you an hour's notice. Fine if he is so mad about you and it's just lovely and spontaneous but sounds to me like all of this is on his terms.

Proceed with caution. If he was mad about you you'd know about it.

LegacyUser

ugh...this is upsetting...

I feel a bit stupid now.... well okay there have only been two situations when we had sex, the first time it was a work night, and I didn't really want to stay (and he only has a single bed)

the second time we had spent all day together hanging around and then went back to his, now he did ask me if I wanted to stay - but I just got the feeling that he wouldn't have been too pushed if I hadn't (but I did stay over and there was no problem and we had breakfast and all that the next day)

cinema, well i get a kiss on the lips but it's only a small kiss.

When he calls me, we will chat away on the phone for ages, and he will arrange to meet me at the weekend, but then he might call the next day after work and say "want to go to the cinema" - he just loves the cinema and well he knows I do too...but ya, the last minute thing might be a big warning sign...

I think I will do what ye said and back off and see if he chases me - then I will know, because we do get on really well.

I am so fed up of this, I seem to be always on here wondering "whether someone is into me" i guess i am choosing the wrong ones....

Thank you for all your help! More advice is appreciated though!

Magicmatilda

I find you second post very different to your first, Conflicting even.

So both times he has asked you to stay, once you refused and the second time you stayed and had breakfast and all. Hardly reluctant. He calls you and then spends time chatting while arranging a date. He also on top of arraneged dates asks you to the cinema at short notice. Men often do tings at short notice, in my experience women plan men don't. I would assume he has decided to go cinema at short notice and thought that maybe you would like to come along. That's a good sign, no? To me it sounds like he does like you. But only from the second post you added.

Why don't you ask him? Just say "I'm just wondering how you see this thing panning out" or something like that. He might say he doesn't know , its early days, which would be fair enough but he might also have an answer.

To be honest I don't see how a relationship can work without honest communication and you need to get into that habit from the start.

Magicmatilda

Is it ever you asking him out?

How does he know you like him? You seem quite reluctant to stay over in his, or at least that must be how it looks to him, esp. if you said no the first time?

boxoff

OH MY DAYS! I know this guy! Well take it from me, 'went out' with him (or his twin) for a year and a half - reason why I have it in inverted commas is the very reason as you said, I never knew where it was going and it carried on exactly like that for a year and a half - Yes I was the bigger fool - Very hard to figure him out! Honestly if I were you I just plain simple ask him whats he expecting out of relationship etc - I regret I was blinded by love supposely that I never did!

LegacyUser

Hey, okay maybe that wasn't clear...

the first time we had sex he said "you can stay if you want but you will probably regret it since you have work in the morning" which I kinda agreed with ...cos well I would have had to go home really early anyway etc...but I also took this as a way of him saying "i'd prefer if you left cos I have work in the morning" (although he does start work at 8 )

the second time - ya he said I could stay over, but if I had left, he wouldn't have been too bothered Im guessing!

I think he knows I like him, I mean I have arranged some dates etc and I will initiate texts and stuff....

I dunno...ye might be right about the sex on a plate thing...not having to make too much of an effort texting etc...

Oh I don't know! sorry I am just finding the dating world a nightmare at the moment! I will just have to calm down and go with the flow!

Miss Fluff

hesjustnotthatintoyou wrote: »

I am so fed up of this, I seem to be always on here wondering "whether someone is into me" i guess i am choosing the wrong ones....

Your second post completely contradicts your first one. Are you sure you're not looking for problems where perhaps none exist? And that's why you're "always on here wondering" whether someone is into you or not?

Perhaps it's time to go with the flow a little?

If you're this uptight about everyone you start dating you're going to jeopardise it with over-analysis and chanelling your inner crazy every time they do something which you then feel compelled to pick apart.

How about you take this guy at face value? I'm not a planner at all either so a spontaneous trip to the cinema doesn't make him a bad person. Maybe you need to chillax tbh?

LegacyUser

Okay, so he text me saying i can call over to his tomorrow if I want to....am I a f*ck buddy!!??

Miss Fluff

How are we supposed to know? You should probably ask him.