Girlfriend admitted she thought about kissing another guy while I was away

LegacyUser

Hi all,

About a week ago, my girlfriend admitted to me while I was away that on a drunken night out, she wanted to kiss another guy. I was out of the country for a month and only got back a couple of days ago. Her friend had to convince her not to kiss anyone, and she didn't. She does admit she was also very drunk. This occurred about 5 days before I came home. We have been going out for 4 months (but have known each other very well for 4 years previously).

I have talked to her about it since I got back, and she has promised that it wont happen again. She couldn't explain to me why she thought about it, but the thing I admire is that she told me. She admitted that she felt very bad the next day (which is when she told me). She said that she wouldn't think about it again because she realised how much it would affect both of us. We are both very much in love and she knows that there is not a chance I would consider kissing another girl. She says the same thing to me about kissing a guy, but I just can't truly believe it. We are still both quite young (in our early 20's). The only thing is she was out with 3 couples, while she was on her own. That may have made her miss the feeling of being with a guy.

The problem I have is there will be nights out in the next few months that she will be going on and I won't be able to because of work. I know I don't fully trust her now when she goes out clubbing with friends. I do not want to break up with her, I love her too much. I know she didn't technically cheat, but its the thought that she had it in her mind which is hurting me.

I know she would tell me if anything did ever happen, but I have told her if she gets that feeling again but doesn't act on it, to please not tell me. It really has taken a hit on me. She is an amazing person and someone who I do not want to lose.

Am I thinking about this too much, or am I right to have lost my trust? It was her birthday and she had one too many drinks that night. I know myself it will take a bit of time for me to trust her again, I hope not too long.

LegacyUser

Your girlfriend is human. She thought about kissing a guy, she didn't actually do it. Your not together very long so your time away was a significant portion of the whole relationship. Im going to presume that at 4 months your still just settleing into the relationship. I can see how a longish absence could start her thinking is he really the guy for me. That doesnt mena shes going to stray. I dont think you have much to worry about here, she felt bad enough about a thought to confess it to you. Try not to make too big of a deal about it.

Sonics2k

It's fair for you to have doubts and trust issues now, nobody can begrudge you of that.

The upside, is that it seems she came right out and told you about it. Despite the fact she didn't do anything, she loves you and was honest enough to admit she almost made a mistake.

Acknowledge you aren't happy about it, but don't let it bother you to much, and definitely not enough to end the relationship.

minidazzler

should_i_be_worrying? wrote: »

I know she didn't technically cheat, but its the thought that she had it in her mind which is hurting me.

She didn't cheat period, she simply thought about kissing someone else. She found someone attractive, she didn't act on it though, I'm at a loss as to why she even feels bad.

Sonics2k wrote: »

It's fair for you to have doubts and trust issues now, nobody can begrudge you of that.

I would begrudge him not trusting her, she simply told him she thought about it but didn't act on it. That's not a trait an untrustworthy person has.

She doesn't need to feel bad, and you don't even need to think about it OP, TBH, I don't think she should have told you either way, but there is no reason to not instill the same level of trust in her.

Sonics2k

minidazzler wrote: »

She didn't cheat period, she simply thought about kissing someone else. She found someone attractive, she didn't act on it though, I'm at a loss as to why she even feels bad.



I would begrudge him not trusting her, she simply told him she thought about it but didn't act on it. That's not a trait an untrustworthy person has.

She doesn't need to feel bad, and you don't even need to think about it OP, TBH, I don't think she should have told you either way, but there is no reason to not instill the same level of trust in her.

As it says in the OP, her friend had to convince her not do it.

I base my comments on the fact it seems she had wanted and intended to, but had decided not to thanks to a friends advice.

But as I also said, the OP really has nothing to worry about anymore and shouldn't let it affect the relationship.

LegacyUser

Sonics2k wrote: »

As it says in the OP, her friend had to convince her not do it.

This is true, its what she told me. It sounded like she would have acted had her friend not talked to her and told her not to. That is the thing that was playing in my mind.

I kind of thought I was thinking too much into it. I don't want it to affect the way the relationship is, hopefully it wont. But I guess that is up to the way I act.

Sonics2k

should_i_be_worrying? wrote: »

This is true, its what she told me. It sounded like she would have acted had her friend not talked to her and told her not to. That is the thing that was playing in my mind.

I kind of thought I was thinking too much into it. I don't want it to affect the way the relationship is, hopefully it wont. But I guess that is up to the way I act.

Well not just the way you act.

I'm not really a cynical person when it comes to love and romance, and seeing as she told you straight away, I'd say she knows she almost made a mistake and you've nothing to worry about in the future.

Best of luck OP.