....and guest?

johnos1984

hey people,

I'm hoping you can give me some advice here. I received a wedding invite from a friend who has emigrated to Oz.

The wedding shall be in Ireland however my question is: The invite only asked for me to come and not my partner of 5 years?

I don't feel I can go without her as i am assuming she isn't invited. There is NO reason why she wouldn't be invited. I have sent a message to the groom looking for clarification (a nice message) but would I be right in thinking she isn't invited?

John

OS119

johnos1984 wrote: »

...would I be right in thinking she isn't invited?

yes.

very roughly, i would suggest that if the couple don't know your partner, and the weddings location mean that it won't require you to stay over, then it falls within the bounds of good manners not to invite long term partners (manners are allways required, but weddings are expensive, and a dozen '+1's' can start costing real money...).

if the couple do know your partner reasonably well, or the wedding is one the other side of the country and you'll have to stay over unless you leave at 5pm, then, imo, it is bad manners to invite you but not your partner. people have the absolute right to invite - and not invite - whoever the hell they like, but conversely, invitees have the absolute right to decide that a wedding is too far, too expensive, too much hassle, or means they are away from a partner they rarely get to see anyway, and decline the invite.

ignore 'form'. my advice would be to put yourself in your partners shoes, and if you think they would, given whatever relationship they have with the groom/couple, be offended that they aren't invited, then i wouldn't bother going. if your partner couldn't give a mouse-poo that they aren't invited and said 'who?' when reading the invite, and it isn't going to deprive you of already scarse time with your partner, then i'd accept without further fuss.

johnos1984

OS119 wrote: »

if the couple do know your partner reasonably well, or the wedding is one the other side of the country and you'll have to stay over unless you leave at 5pm, then, imo, it is bad manners to invite you but not your partner. people have the absolute right to invite - and not invite - whoever the hell they like, but conversely, invitees have the absolute right to decide that a wedding is too far, too expensive, too much hassle, or means they are away from a partner they rarely get to see anyway, and decline the invite.

As my partner also lives outside the country and we have little time together I think I'll be declining the invite.

Also I'd have to take 2 days off work to go as it's at the other side of the country and being held on a Wednesday and we never normally do 'early nights' when we get together for a big night

POKERKING

johnos1984 wrote: »

As my partner also lives outside the country and we have little time together I think I'll be declining the invite.

Also I'd have to take 2 days off work to go as it's at the other side of the country and being held on a Wednesday and we never normally do 'early nights' when we get together for a big night

Maybe those are the reasons why they didnt invite your partner?? Or maybe they just dont like your partner(harsh but possible!).....

Toots

Fair play to you for checking with the groom anyway! It's always better to be safe than sorry. When I was doing our invites I wrote 'and guest' or 'and partner's name' for people who we were inviting +1s for, luckily we only had about 4 so it didn't get too out of hand.

My SIL didn't really consider this when she was writing her invitations and just put the one name on them even though the partner was invited also (really confusing) so there was one table at the reception with loads of empty spaces because the people hadn't realised that their partners were invited too. That said, I've been to a few weddings where it was only the one person invited and they brought the partner along anyway and space had to be created at the last minute! I'm sure your friend would be happier that you checked with him rather than just assuming.

I'd say considering your partner lives abroad maybe this is why she wasn't named on the invite?

johnos1984

Issue resolved

They assumed everyone would know that they were to bring a guest

He has had about 10 calls about this so he is preparing a text to go to everyone.

Thanks for the advice though, I was a bit miffed this morning over it

kandr10

Glad you sorted it out anyway OP.

It's really strange though that they would assume you knew the OH was invited even though they weren't named....
Hopefully the thread will be useful to those writing their invites!!

johnos1984

All I can assume is he is marrying an Oz girl so it's possibly the done thing out there. He had told me before she was invited but if it wasn't on the invite I wasn't sure what was happening