Being friends after admitting feelings

LegacyUser

Hi there, let me give a small bit of backstory here for context and whatnot.

I met a girl about 2 years ago, she was fun, I hooked up with her last year a few times and have held a flame for her since. I was dating a girl in between this and girl 1 was a little annoyed about this because she felt I chose someone over her, when I was under the impression sshe was done with me. We hooked up again a few weeks ago at Oxegen reigniting everything I felt for her, and more.

Last night I was out with friends, she was out with friends, we met up for a while, talked and parted. I was texting her later that night on my way home, and just let spill, told her I like her a sh1ttonne more than I should. She responded very well to this, much better than I expected and we basically text until about 4 am, her faux pissed I hadn't said anything earlier, though I did think I had made it obvious. One of her texts said "cos I thought we had entered the friend zone after all this time...." At the time I thought little of this and said to her I don't do just friends because it's bad for me. I ended the texting session with we should go on a date soon, all seemed rather hopeful.

I woke up this morning to a text about what we taled about last ngiht saying roughly, don't know how much you meant, and then about how she doesn't know how to and can't go out with me because she wouldn't want to hurt me. That's all well and good, I've been friend zoned, I think.

Her next message asked about the being just friends thing the ngiht before, and I responded truthfully, being just friends won't reallly be enough for me, and it's not something I can really do. She got a bit upset about that and now I am at a loss to explain my position.

Essentially I don't think you can be just friends with someone where one side harbours feelings for the otherside it leads to bitterness and hurt. But I am pretty much in love with this girl, she's literally perfect for me and that's not the standard exaggeration, sexually we are perfectly compatible we are both into weird and wonderful things, we get on like a house on fire when we are together though she is the only girl I have met in 2 years that I get nervous and self-conscious around, and our senses of humour are very similar.

I'm at a loss of what to do, I don't want to not be friends with her but I also don't wanna be that guy in the friendzone who has to watch from the outside, it's the most painful thing I can think of.

LegacyUser

The title was supposed to be feelings, I messed up, can a mod please change it? Thanks.

Maple

Done

Maple

IrishEyes19

Been there done that with a guy before and to be honest, its just not worth it. The friend situation is horrible if you really like them, because sometimes they take advantage of that too. I found the guy I liked knew how much I cared, so he'd ring me up, and want emotional advice or Id be there when he needed me. It was so exhausting as my hopes would flare up, only to see him flirting with other girls, or fb flirting right in front of me. So painful. So I drew the line eventually, and walked away.

I think you need to make it clear, you are interested in her romantically and romantically only. that the friends thing is a little weird after your past with her. So ask her what does she think and if she comes back with a yes or else a confusing I dont know excuse. Just draw the line and wish her well. Unless you are entirely comfortable with her dating others in front of you. Thats just my cents worth on it. But I learnt a valuable lesson. Men and women can be friends. But ONLY if theres no romantic interest on either part. If there is, its bloody painful.

Doirtybirdy

Don't be texting your feelings,theres too much scope for misunderstanding.
Do it face to face.
It takes balls but thats half the battle trust me.
Faint heart and all of that.
Good luck

Red Hand

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Been there done that with a guy before and to be honest, its just not worth it. The friend situation is horrible if you really like them, because sometimes they take advantage of that too. I found the guy I liked knew how much I cared, so he'd ring me up, and want emotional advice or Id be there when he needed me. It was so exhausting as my hopes would flare up, only to see him flirting with other girls, or fb flirting right in front of me. So painful. So I drew the line eventually, and walked away.

I think you need to make it clear, you are interested in her romantically and romantically only. that the friends thing is a little weird after your past with her. So ask her what does she think and if she comes back with a yes or else a confusing I dont know excuse. Just draw the line and wish her well. Unless you are entirely comfortable with her dating others in front of you. Thats just my cents worth on it. But I learnt a valuable lesson. Men and women can be friends. But ONLY if theres no romantic interest on either part. If there is, its bloody painful.

+1

You'll be deeply unhappy if you are interested in him and him not in you. When things are going badly for him as regards dating etc, he will be looking to you for attention and an ego boast only to shelve you once he has someone else. No point in being someone's back-up.

LegacyUser

I have been in the situation before, but this particular one seems different, probably because we have hooked up before. I find it hard to just not be friends with her, when I told her I might not be able to be friends with her she got really really upset with me.

I am not sure what exactly it is she thinks I want, I just want to date her, make an honest effort at it, but I think when I phrased it, while a little tipsy, it might have come across as wanting alot more. I am at a loss, I am pretty successful with women, but I tend to keep them on the long finger because I don't like the thought of a relationship myself, but the one girl I do want one with is the one who has the same attitude as me.

@Doirtybirdy, I wanted to tell her in person, I had been intending to all week as we were supposed to all be going away saturday night but it was cancelled so I couldn't.

She messaged me earlier after I had basically text her saying we can't be friends and then I had slept on it for a few hours and text her saying "Sorry got ahead of myself" kinda thing. Her reply was generally just saying that I have no choice but to be her friend anyway, she had to take a break at work to have a cry and other stuff like that. I know I mean alot to her as a friend, and I know we are attracted to eachother, I think her aversion is to having one guy keep her tied down rather than to me. But I don't know. I haven't felt like this about a girl since I was 19.

I am finding it so hard to make a decision on this, I like her far too much to be just friends, but I value her as a friend far too much to not talk to her.