Am I over-reacting

LegacyUser

I'm kinda having a little disagreement with one of my best friends (through text because I'm up the North!) about events over the past week. A lot of things have been playing on my mind about her and after a lot of deliberating I decided to let her know I was upset. These are some of the reasons!
My birthday was on Friday and I received a message or a call from loads of people but didn't hear anything from my friend until today. I found out from the supervisor of the store I work in that my friend had gone home sick on Weds and would be off for a month....(all I could say was oh yeah I know, letting on I knew when I didnt because the supervisor knows we'd be good friends). As it was my birthday, I went out on the town last night with friends, as we do every year and for all our birthdays, and my friend never showed up, no text to say she wasnt coming, nothing. Then today, she text me saying she hoped I had a good night and she was sorry she didn't come in. I was annoyed and didnt text back for a good while but eventually text back sayin that I wasn't annoyed but was disappointed she hadn't come in, even for an hour to my house before we went out and that I didnt expect her to sit and watch us drinking for the night. I've just found out from another friend (the 3 of us would be really good friends) that the first friend is pregnant (7 weeks) and hasnt even bothered to tell me, she's taking the month off work in case something might happen.
I'm annoyed that she didnt show up last night and didnt tell me she was off work herself knowing that I would eventually find out but a part of me is also annoyed that she has told our other friend that she is pregnant and not me.
I'm trying to be nice in my messages to her because she doesnt know I know she's pregnant but it's becoming increasingly difficult! What I really want to know is am I over-reacting on the whole situation and should I just let it go?

Sorry for the long rambling post too

Ickle Magoo

Moved from tLL.

This is the advice forum for all issues of a personal nature. :cool:

LegacyUser

Oh my God OP. I cannot believe how self absorbed you are. It's not all about you!

You found your friend was off sick for a month and didn't show to your Birthday and your first thought was yourself. Not one ounce of concern for the girl. Then you find out she's pregnant and all you care about is someone else found out first and you lecture your friend for not coming to your Birthday do for an hour!!

Can't you see how ridiculous/unbalanced and childish that is?

I'm not suprised she told someone else first by the way. You sound as shallow as a puddle.

Being pregnant is a little more important than your Birthday you know. You are being extremely juvenile and self centred. You need to grow up.

LegacyUser

Thanks Ickle, wasn't sure where to post!

fits

Get over yourself maybe? Seriously what is the big deal with birthdays. I dont get it.

She's pregnant which is a pretty huge thing in anyones life and maybe she needs time to get her head around it.

Stop texting her with this passive aggressive stuff. Either pick up the phone or leave it.

woodchuck

To be honest I think you are over-reacting. It sounds like your friend has a lot on her plate at the moment and is understandably being self focused. If she's taking a month off work that early in the pregnancy then there could be something risky about her particular condition and she's following medical advice. If that's the case the last thing on her mind would be attending a birthday party (she might be on bed rest?) or making sure she's keeping all if her friends in the loop about her personal business. For whatever reason she chose to tell another friend before you... You'll just have to accept that and she'll confide in you if and when she's ready.

iguana

So you knew she was off sick from work and would be off for a month and didn't immediately figure out that under those circumstances she would certainly not be going on a night out.

Then when she text you to apologise for not showing up your reaction was to berate her for not putting your birthday ahead of her health.

Then when you find out she is off work for a month due to being pregnant, something which means there must be issues with this or previous pregnancies, you are not immediately worried about her and her baby and offering her any support she needs, but are upset that she didn't tell you.

Did it ever occur to you that she didn't tell you what was wrong because she has much bigger issues to deal with right now than birthday drinks? Or that maybe she didn't want to worry you on your birthday? Or that most women keep their pregnancies secret until 12 weeks because the miscarriage risk reduces significantly at that point and in her case there is obviously a much larger than normal risk if she's been signed off work?

You are definitely over-reacting but rather than leave this go you need to make a rather enormous apology to the woman.

Miss Fluff

You're being unbelievably self-absorbed OP. And yes, you are really over-reacting also. Rather than be concerned that you friend had to take a month off work, you throw your toys out of your pram because she didn't show up to your birthday You maybe need to reassess what your priorities are.

Lollipops23

Jesus.
So your friend has (i'm assuming?) an unexpected pregnancy and you're annoyed that she didn't come out on the lash?
She's probably going through a tough enough time right now without you telling her you're "disappointed" she didn't come out for your birthday party (btw, once you're past 21 or so, it just comes across as selfish and attention-seeking to demand everyone go out to celebrate your birthday).
Incidenatlly, she probably told your other friend about it because she knew you'd react in this immature and selfish manner. If I were your friend I wouldn't tell you either. She doesn't need selfish and self-absoarbed people around her right now.

Caraville

Just ring her and talk to her for God's sake! This ar$ing around with texts over and back isn't going to get ye anywhere. The girl is probably worried about her pregnancy and you birthday is hardly top of her priorities. I can understand to a point though about being annoyed that she told another friend and not you about her being pregnant, but even at that- you have to realise that she'd going through a stressful time at the moment and maybe she just wanted to tell one person and not have everyone talking about her.

Besides, she's only 7 weeks pregnant apparently- most people don't tell others til 12 weeks, so she's probably just waiting to tell people til then.

Yes, you're totally over-reacting.

Let it go and be there for your friend.

Neyite

You dont get signed off work for a month for pregnancy unless there is a risk - that would be significant bleeding, health problems in the mother or prior miscarraiges.

You rarely tell others outside of your partner until about 12 weeks, so for her to tell work /friends indicates something is wrong with the pregnancy and she is doing all she can to be careful. This is her baby's life at risk, and you are pissed off that she didnt attend your birthday. It sounds like she is closer to the other friend - maybe because she is supportive and understanding at a very traumatic time in her life?

Seriously, bunch of flowers and a massive apology.

shinikins

Huge, massive over-reaction on your part OP.

Your good friend goes home unexpectedly sick and you don't even bother to text and ask if she's okay? Your peeved that she didn't tell you first-she doesn't need your permission to be sick!
She doesn't turn up to your birthday, again, because she is sick, and again, your annoyed!
You find out from second hand information that she is pregnant, and your first thought is "why didn't she tell me first" when it should be "OMG thats wonderful/I wonder does she need her friends around her rightnow"

Step into her shoes for a minute. She's just found out she is pregnant, and has had to take a month off work unexpectedly, possibly due to complications with her pregnancy. Her "best friend" couldn't be bothered to even ask how she is, but she still takes the time out to wish her well and apologise for not going out, and instead of being gracious, that friend ignores her message then eventually texts back to express her "disappointment" that she didn't crawl out of her sick bed to go on the rip on Friday-and still hasn't asked her how she is feeling!

You are incredibly selfish! This girl has a million and one things to worry about right now, and your birthday is very far down on the list. Take a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour, and apologise to her for being so childish and petty.