Dealing with nights out

LegacyUser

Hey, just want to hear from people in the same situation or who gets through stuff like this.

Bitta background: I've progressively been going out less and less to the point where in the last few years I can count on one hand how many times I've gone on a night out with my friends.

So I went out in town with friends and then also friends of friends. I was planning on just havin a smoke or two at my friend's house but then he decided he was going out so instead of going home, and seeing as I was in a good mood thanks to the smoke I said I'd go in with him.

Big mistake. It started off grand and we were havin a laugh for the first while but I just find it so hard being out in situations where there's all this sexual energy. I literally get depressed just being out in town, there's so many girls looking great and they're flirting with guys etc. and I just can't block that sort of thing outta my head.

I try to just accept that I'm not aesthetically gifted and still have fun but the more I tried the more down I got, to the point where I ended up just standing in the bar staring into space, feelin that horrible rejection feeling from everyone who looked at me. It felt like I had gone up to every girl and been shot down badly, but all it takes is for me to notice any girl and I instantly feel like crap because it goes against every natural urge in my body to try and talk to one of my friends when there's so much going on around me.

To top it all off, one of my friends doesn't even have to do anything and he has girls all over him just based on them looking at him. Near the end of the night a girl just comes over and puts a card with her name and number on it and heads off... I had to stand there and pretend I wasn't dying inside.

I dunno what I expect. So far what I've done is just stayed away and sadly I think that's what I'll be doing from now on. What I can't see can't hurt me. I don't begrudge my friends anything, I just dont want to be there to be punched in the stomach watching them live the life...

audible sigh...

LegacyUser

I know exactly how you feel OP. I'm a fat bloke with ugly facial features who has been kissed twice his entire life and has gotten used to rejection. At this stage I'm come to accept that I am the way I am. I'm quite misanthropic, mainly because I had some bad experiences when I was younger (A group of girls once played 'kiss the elephant' in a nightclub with me when I was younger.. but they didn't even have the courage to kiss me. So humiliating. Another time a load of girls I half knew from the Gaeltacht starting mocking me and ridiculing me in front of my face. In underage disco's my mates used to try and 'get me the shift' but every girl they ever asked laughed openly in my face - though there were a few who made up lame excuses like 'I have a boyfriend' when they didn't, for which I was and am absurdly grateful - This was when I was younger but the scars are lasting.

I'm in my early 20s now, a college graduate with a good job and doing an MA in the humanities on the side. I think it helped strengthen my personality in the long run, I'm more resiliant now for example, but have never went beyond the friendzone. Its a lonely life to be ugly and lacking self confidence, but we each of us have our talents. Yours and mine has and never will be in 'pulling women'... but some have higher callings after all.

tenchi-fan

Maybe girls don't find stoners in pubs and nightclubs attractive..

cgordonfreeman

Lay off the smoke man., I'm not saying drugs are bad our anything but a few years ago I smoked heavily and felt much the same in those situations. Next time you go out skip the smoke, have a couple of drinks and just get chatting to people. It doesn't have to be in a sexual manner or with the end goal being sex, hell, it doesn't even have to be women.

Just engage with people and eventually you'll build up your confidence. In my limited experience women prefer confidence and character to looks.

I am a friend

Quit smoking that rubbish - it's obviously messing with your head

lace

Hi OP!

First off, I'd have to echo what above posters have advised and say to go easy on smoking. It could be adding to the way you feel about yourself at the moment.

The next thing you need to do is get a little perspective on the situation. The vast majority of guys don't just have women falling all over them all the time. Being attractive isn't just about how you look and a pretty face is definitely not a quick fix to every problem. This one friend of yours may have it easy but most men have to work at it, talk to girls, make them laugh, get to know them before getting a number or anything.

Your self-image seems to be the biggest thing holding you back. It's not about the way you look but about the way you think and feel about your appearance. The problem isn't how others see you, it's how you see yourself. You need to accept yourself for who you are and accentuate your good points. People aren't going to see you differently until you see yourself differently.

Once you get comfortable in your own skin you'll feel better about actually talking to women. This is key because although a pretty face can be a good initial attraction, a bad personality can turn women right off! And the opposite is also true. While your looks might not be enough to get you numbers, having a good personality and being funny and charming can actually seal the deal!

My tip would be to get chatting to as many girls as possible. House parties or quiet gatherings can be the perfect way to do this. Or next time you're out try hanging out in the smoking area where there's less noise. Just get chatting to as many girls as possible. You don't have to target only really good looking girls you're attracted to - in fact, it may be better off to start off with girls you're not physically attracted to but could see as friends. Work on building up your confidence and take hints from guys who do well with the ladies.

Baked.noodle

You are a human being and you have a right to exist. Some people will reject you, but it’s a big world full of every kind of person and you have so much to give. Try to gently open up with people. You will find you have much to contribute and much to learn. You’ll soon realise everybody has issues, and with trial and error you will learn to overcome your own. Lay of the smoke, its way to introverting.

Billy7878

cgordonfreeman wrote: »

Lay off the smoke man. Next time you go out skip the smoke, have a couple of drinks with the end goal being sex

Don't take this unwholesome advice man or maybe you will have a lot more trouble than you do now, alcohol has a lot more risks attached for people in social situations than a bit of smoke, you need to work on other things in your life than expanding your drug repertoire in order for you to start enjoying socializing, perhaps think of ways to start conversations with girls on these nights out and not just go after sex as the previous poster suggested, and looks aren't that important to a lot of girls, otherwise how would so many oafs have beautiful gals on their arms they way they do.. good luck!

cgordonfreeman

Billy7878 wrote: »

Don't take this unwholesome advice man or maybe you will have a lot more trouble than you do now, alcohol has a lot more risks attached for people in social situations than a bit of smoke, you need to work on other things in your life than expanding your drug repertoire in order for you to start enjoying socializing, perhaps think of ways to start conversations with girls on these nights out and not just go after sex as the previous poster suggested, and looks aren't that important to a lot of girls, otherwise how would so many oafs have beautiful gals on their arms they way they do.. good luck!

Ah come on you know what I mean. From what the OP described it's exactly what I was going through a few years ago. I'm not saying getting hammered is the solution but smoking just doesn't do any good for some people in a social situationm.

As I previously stated I'm not anti drugs it's just at times weed makes you think way too introspectively.

Anyway OP, it's something to try that's all.