Where did it go wrong?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Seen some good advice on here so I thought someone could share light on my situation as I am very confused. Sorry if it's long.

About 4 weeks ago I meet a guy at a festival through a friend (we're both early 20's). We really hit it off and even held hands like a couple and spent the whole time together (nothing sexual though)

So after the festival we got in contact and talked. We decided to met up, so we went and I seriously had the best first date ever. We were so comfortable together and it was romantic (feeding ducks in a park) The date lasted for hours and after we met up with some of his friends at the local pub. He then invited me to his friends party the next night and to bring my friends.

So dateish two happened. We were couply and amazing, hanging out with all our mates etc. So next day we went to a bbq together, I even walked him hand in hand to work as it was just down the road.
Now I know that was a lot of seeing each other but it was on him, he keep asking and I guess we couldn't get enough of each other.

So we set an official second date, just the two of us. It was amazing, anyone looking at us would have thought we were going out. We spent the whole day together and just couldn't stop smiling.
Later that night he sent a text saying, "It was amazing being with you today. I had a truly awesome time " etc etc
Then this is were it gets weird. We talked a good bit after but it ended up being a week with not seeing each other but still talking nearly everyday.Some days texting till maybe 4am (initiated equally)
So, we set up another date, this one initiated by me. The day came and he never contacted me, so I just thought maybe he is busy with work. I had contacted him the night before about times and that but he never replied which I thought was because he was working till 1am so I didn't want to ring or text again and seem too keen.
Next day I text him asking how he was, seeing as we didn't see each other the day before like planned. He replied saying he was sorry and that he had alot to do. He also guessed he wasn't looking to get into a relationship at the moment and asked if it was cool to stay friends. I said I was saddened by this as I do really like you and thought the feeling was mutual. I got no reply.
Next day he replies saying he was sorry for not getting in contact and that he didn't want me to think he was ignoring me or anything. I just said, I guess you want to just stay friends?. He said "I think friends would be the best"

I just don't understand, what happened? It was not as if I was coming on to strong as we were both smitten with each other and both initiated contact equally. I would love some outside views on the situation? I can't ask friends because they also were very shocked by this behaviour as they had seen us together and really thought he liked me a lot!
Also I just don't know what to do, I haven't talked to him since and don't plan to unless he does first as I assume the friends thing is just an easy way to give the blow.
I know he hasn't really been in a serious relationship and his last one was about 2 years ago, so couldn't be getting over a recent one. All his friends said it's about time he got a women in his life one of the nights we were all hanging out. I was thinking that maybe there was someone else but from what his friends have said and mutual friends it seems like he has no one else...? Or just none that his best friends knew of.

I don't plan on going into the whole friends with benefits with him and won't allow it if that ever occurs.

Thing that gets me is, he was so into me and then how it just changed in a matter of literally two days?? I am seriously baffled, is there anything I could have done or shouldn't do in future so this doesn't happen again?
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance

LegacyUser

Sounds like someone else is on the scene. Sorry OP.

Mc Kenzie

awww sorry to here, but yanno this stuff does happen. it seems to havedotten very lovey dovey very soon, i think some guys do that at the begining, but i think here is the best time for you to "play it cool"

However you didn do anything wrong. this is the choice hes made if hes not interested, its his loss remember this.

ceez

Hi!

I've been in a similar position. All I can say is as Mc Kenzie has said there: play it cool. Not freezing, as in if he does say hello to you, you snub him and do the typical "grab the first guy you see and shift his face off him in front of him". If you do see each other on a casual encounter,which you probably will; play it cool, as in not awkward but like nothing too serious ever happened - chat to him like you would have normally when you first met and were on level grounds.

If he was that honest with you, I genuinely think that he values your friendship so much that maybe he's scared that being in a relationship with you might burden and put your friendship at risk.

Although you do mention "friends with benefits", which might suggest that he might have been initiating this. Have too been in this situation, with this mad rush of inviting me to do stuff, treating me like a queen bee and on for meeting up in the space of a few days, and then having not gotten anything - Getting the "can we just be friends" text. But this began from a casual date with an almost stranger. From what I gather this began from a friendship so I'd rule that out

Its a hard one. I really hope you do at least stay friends and I really hope it can develop from there on. Its difficult to know where exactly it went wrong, and I'm sure there are many people out there asking themselves this! I still do. Theres not a thing you can do or could've done or shouldn't do to be honest. Its love causes and solves a lot of hardship.

All I can say is play cool, try remain friends. He'll probably realise soon enough, but I would't depend on it either.

tallaghtmick

Sorry to hear that OP but I agree with the first poster sounds like theres someone else on the scene maybe an ex.

dellas1979

Uh - I honestly feel for you, I do - its not nice to be on the receiving end of someone elses confusion, and not know what is going on.

You have a few options:
1. Ask him straight out what happened - not advisable. Men view this as some kind of "stalking".
2. As suggested, keep it cool - you'll feel disappointed for a few weeks, but youll get over it - you seem like a nice chick.
3. Hunt him around the place to find out what happened - also not advisable.

I am a friend

Yep this happens a lot unfortunately...

I think this guy wanted it at his pace and he got cold feet them you started making plans. I also guess he felt, even though he was a willing accomplice, that it was moving too quickly and he ran off. Dont take it personally and don't let it get you down. Onwards and upwards ....

LegacyUser

Thanks a million for the replies! You are all right. He could have got scared, still like an ex or have someone else (I don't think it's this one but who knows except him)

dellas1979 - thank you that made me laugh. I won't go hunting him down, well I don't need to he only lives 5 minutes down the road from me.

I was re-reading texts from him last night, I am just shocked by his behaviour. Especially after all he said to me, such nice things. I really thought he was genuine and that we had a true relationship blossoming.

But as sunflower27 said, I need to stop dwelling and just let it go. He obviously has some issues and if he could act like that at the beginning of a relationship, who knows what he could have done a few months down the line.

Thank you all