How to know someone loves you?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I know this is a weird question but anyway...

In my first serious relationship, totally in love with somebody whos gone from being my best friend to the love of my life in the space of 2 years. We're 1.5 years as a couple and he says he loves me too, wants to spend his life with me, we've looked way into the future..

The thing is, I have CONSTANT thoughts that maybe he doesnt love me really? That he THINKS he does but he just really likes me and its not love and will only last until it fizzles out or he meets someone who he actually DOES love..

its not how hes treating me, he makes an effort to see me, takes me out, etc...sometimes he doesnt call when he says he will but generally we talk every day and if we didnt he'd meet me the next day..

I dont want to be plagued by doubt cause I think for the most part its my own insecurity..how can you KNOW someone loves you? how can i stop myself doubting aspects of the rel??

Vicxas

Look, its all in your head if im being honest. you need to relax and give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. If he says he loves you, he does. So learn to relax or the doubt will eat you and eventually the relationship.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think you can KNOW somebody loves you - you can just believe them when they say they do. Not believing him sounds more like self-esteem issues of your own than anything he is saying or doing wrong. Perhaps learn to love yourself a little more until you are able to accept you are loveable to others?

All the best.

tinkerbell

^^ Exactly - OP you're being a bit dramatic methinks. Your boyfriend says he loves you, you have a wonderful relationship - why keep doubting him if he has never given you reason to? If you keep these thoughts up you're gonna drive him away and ruin your relationship.

So don't do that, chill out and enjoy your relationship.

AnneElizabeth

Have to say I disagree, I think you will know when someone truly loves you, when you're perfectly happy and in love you won't have nagging doubts.

Wibbs

...only if you don't have nagging doubts about yourself. Plus if anyone is looking for "perfect happiness" they're in for some disappointment outside of the early heady days of being in love and mills and boon. "Happy ever after" may better be written as "Pretty content with a fair bit of effort on both sides ever after".

So how do you know he loves you? Love is a set of actions not a word. It's what he does and how he treats you not what he says that matters. If I kick you in the arse and at the same time say "I love you" which do you or should you believe? This guy is with you for years and was and is a close friend. He treats you well by your account and is pretty consistent with it. This guy is also openly planning a future with you. Sounds like love to me.

Try not to sour it with your own issues. Too many do this. They're yours and also yours to try to work through and resolve. Try not to refocus them on him and the relationship. Neither will "save you". You save yourself with his help if needed.