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What should i do

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  • 13-08-2011 9:21am
    #1
    wellam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭


    Hi all,
    I recently done a search for my birth mother through the agency I was adopted and also did a search my self at the same time, I located my birth cert and my birth mothers cert also, when i received my non identifying information it confirmed everything. Since then the agency has came back to say my birth mother doesn’t want any contact, i know her name and current address, her husbands home place is only 5 miles from where i grew up, :eek: they currently living about 30 miles from me, which isn’t a lot in our country, should i tell the agency what i know ?


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    #2
    tyview
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭tyview


    wellam wrote: »
    Hi all,
    I recently done a search for my birth mother through the agency I was adopted and also did a search my self at the same time, I located my birth cert and my birth mothers cert also, when i received my non identifying information it confirmed everything. Since then the agency has came back to say my birth mother doesn’t want any contact, i know her name and current address, her husbands home place is only 5 miles from where i grew up, :eek: they currently living about 30 miles from me, which isn’t a lot in our country, should i tell the agency what i know ?


    Hi Wellam, sorry to hear that your BM wants no contact. If I were you I probably wouldn't bother saying anything to the social worker. Its not gonna change anything. There could be so many different reasons as to why she might not want contact. If I were you I would give it a little while, let her digest it and then you could try to contact her yourself. You could even ask the social worker if she will come back to the file in 6 months or so and see if your bm had changed her mind.
    Hope you're ok!


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    #3
    wellam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭wellam


    Hi tyview,
    Thanks for your reply, im disappointed that my bm doesn't want contact, it took me a long time to get the courage to do a search so maybe she needs time to get the courage aswell, i know it can't be easy for her either, its awkward that i know so much about her now and can't do a lot about it, as you said maybe in a few months things might change, thanks for the advise, wellam


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    #4
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    I'll tell you a little story... My partner is adopted and recently (2 years ago) he found out he had a biological birth sister who was also adopted, she is 2 years older than him. They met and they also traced their birth father through the adoption agency... they've also tried to contact the birth mother but it turns out she does not want contact with them at all and has said so on many occasions. We can understand where she is coming from.

    Thing is though, my partners birth father lives less than a 5 minute walk from where my partner lived until he was seven years old, and about a ten minute walk from where he lived until he was 30. The birth father confirmed the birth mothers name and it turns out, my partners mother used to work with my partners birth mother. My partner has met his birth mother many times, but didn't know that she was his birth mother at the time. His mother knows where she currently works and lives, but they haven't pursued it, because they know that she doesn't want contact, and they don't want to put pressure on her or bring up old, and possibly, hard memories for her.

    I'd leave it, she possibly hasn't told anyone that she has an adopted child and doesn't want the upset or conflict some of that might bring... I wouldn't take it personally though...


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