Personal stuff.

LegacyUser

I’m a single man in my early thirties, and I’ve always longed for somebody special in my life. Over the years I’ve had quite a few girlfriends, and I really fell in love with one of them. Now, I’m not perfect, and neither was she but we spent three years together and whilst I knew we had problems I really believed we were going to overcome them. We didn’t and she left me. I realised later she had found another and I took it very badly. I spent a year living in shared accommodation, binge drinking heavily and doing nothing else really. I know this was my choice.

Eventually I became mentally ill and spent a period of time in hospital. The last six to eight months have been much better. I’ve stopped drinking and taking drugs, and I’m volunteering my time to build some kind of meaningful life for myself. I still have mental health problems, but I’m on medication to control it and it works well for the most part. Women used to pay a good deal of attention to me when I was younger, but they mostly look away from me now, which upsets me but I deal with it. I haven’t changed that much in physical appearance, or maybe I just don’t notice how much I have changed. Anyway, I really am quite defensive with the fairer sex for fear of getting hurt. I’m not nasty or anything, just careful. I can also appreciate that I’m not really in a position to offer much. This girl I know for a few years occasionally flirted with me, and this felt really good. I met her recently in the pub and she looked into my eyes, touched my arm, laughed at my crappy stories. I took a chance and asked her out, by text. She texted back that she would think about it and then nothing.

I ran into her by chance with a friend and we went for a drink. She made it plain without saying so that she wasn’t interested and after sitting there like a dope for an hour, I left. Now, I know she doesn’t owe me anything but I still felt really stupid for being played with. I think my anger was disproportionate though, and it’s made me realise that I’m too much of a mess to have any kind of relationship with a women. This makes me terribly depressed. I don’t know how I got so messed up, or how I can fix it. I really am beginning to think my mental health will hold me back for the rest of my life. If I can do anything about it I will.

chicken fingers

Ahh in fairness lad, she did give you a shot, you went out for the drink.
She probably picked up on some of your issues and problems and decided she wasn't interested.
I'd say, get your own house and head in order, be cool, relax, keep taking the meds and everything should work out ok in the future with some other lady.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your thoughts chicken fingers. I suppose I blew it, but I get the feeling she was just messing around anyway. I think most people will be turned off by my mental health. If it ever works out ok with a lady, she will probably be touched herself. Given my experience I think mental health problems carry the worst kind of stigma. Though givin the reality of my pulling prowess, I find the future kind of bleak. Chin up and all that I suppose.

lost815

I just want to say that you shouldn't give up hope.

I have a friend who's story was eerily similar to yours, he's the same age as you and a few years ago he split up with a girl and then started drinking a lot more than he had been and taking ecstacy, he ended up being admitted to a mental hospital, came out and he still drank a bit too much and did some stupid things but out of the blue he met a lady and they now have a little baby and he's happier than ever.

Things can definitely change for you, you're only young and like someone else posted it's often ourselves who hold us back the most.

LegacyUser

Reading over my post, it does seem kind of silly. I guess there are things in life that you have to do, and there are things in life that you want to do. I had to come back from where I was. I want more than this however. Before, I assumed I would get what I want eventually if I learned from my mistakes. I not so sure any more, but that's a heartening story lost815. Thank you sunflower. I really don't have any positive pastimes. I'm broke, but it's no excuse I know. I will try to get out more, but I think I need to be single for a while more. I do't want to blow it now do I.

lost815

Don't think that it's silly because it's not at all, sometimes it's hard to believe something good could happen to you but give it time and have some faith in yourself!

danslevent

OP, just relax and just take life as it goes, if you meet a lady that's great, if you don't then it doesn't matter because you are still sorting things out in your life. Just try not to obsess about meeting someone or put pressure on yourself, it doesn't seem like the added stress is needed in your life

I also don't think your mental health wont hold you back in your future relationships because I'm sure the future girl you want will be kind and caring, which I mean to say is that I'm sure she will be understanding

Good luck OP, you seem like a nice guy and welldone for getting your life together.