Help needed!

Galway2726

I think my Father may be having an affair and I don't know what to do? My younger sister was using his phone and a strange message came that implied it was from a woman. We made note of the number and check all his old phonce records and found quite a lot of calls and texts mostly late at night and even a text on Christmas day to this number. Surely if it were somebody he was friends with he would have the number saved? I am so bloody hurt by this my Mother is an amazing person and is going through a roght time at the minute with a family berevament and money and busniess problems down on top of it all. My sister and i are both moving away to Australia in a few weeks and don't know what to do.

I am a friend

You can dial into the voicemail and see if you get a name - dial 0875XXXXXXX or 0865XXXXXX etc.

Then you might have an idea what you are dealing with. I would ask him out straight and dont say anything to your mum yet. WHat did the message say?

Galway2726

I did already dial into her voicemail I heard her voice on it but it doesn't seem familiar to me and she doesn't have any voicemails I can listen to to see if a name is mentioned. I decided I wouldn't say anything to Mum yet anyway not until I know more. My sister had been texting off his phone and the phone beeped she assumed it was one of her friends texting of a different number so she opened it it read: 'are you working' and she replied who's this and the reply back was 'ohh playing hard to get now are we' something along them lines. I feel so sorry for my sister she's only gone 17 and is very innocent it broke my heart to see her upset she didnt say anything to me or my other sister until yesterday and she got the text last Saturday. From looking at his phone bills they have been in contact for at least a year and from looking at the pattern I know well she is married too because there might be weeks before a call or text is made and then it will continue for another few weeks i suppose they become guilty or something and to answer your question sunflower 67 a good few years back i found out he was texting a girl i would have been friendly with who is much younger than him but I never got any proof anything happened but something was going on. There was a very brief sepearation and then everything seemed really good again this has really knocked me for six. I am so mad with him I could kill him.

missyb

Its always tough when you ask a question like this online, people often say its none of your business , you looked at his phone ect. imposing their own past behaviour or experiences on your question and not looking at the actual issues, but of course its your parents and you cant just shrug off such a thing as though your a robot. A neighbour of mine found out about an affair their dad was having and confronted him, (she didnt tell the mother), he was forced to face up to alot of things as a result not just an affair but money/gambling problems ect. He decided to tell his wife and got help for other issues, they are still together though she was devastated when she heard and there was separation for a while. Thats they only similar example I have, each case is different. I would talk to your dad about this and ask questions, he may need a mirror held up to what he is at in order to make decisions, or there could be another explanation? Talk to him, you will know if he is being honest with you and then after that it is up to him. Your anger will fester if you dont at least find out whether you are correct. You are heading to Australia but you shouldnt feel bad about your dads behaviour (If its true) it is up to him to face the consequences for his own actions and not for you to sweep up after him. if its true remember dont do anything and agree to do anything you will resent your dad for later, an example being, covering up his lies if thats the case, good luck to you

Galway2726

Thanks for the message Missyb my father is very hard to talk to he is a bit of a messer always joking and messing with us and we never really talk about real issues he does tend to fly of the handle if i do ever give out to him about something he is the hardest man ever to talk to. I want something concrete before i confront him these texts ususally happen on a sat nite when my mother would be working so I am going to catch him out and confront him then. I don't live at home but don't live too far away. I hope it is all a big misundersting fingers crossed.

Galway2726

Ya there was a brief sepeartion maybe 8 or 9 years ago maybe more because he had been texting another woman but at the time we never found out anything concrete we didn't see them meeting up or whatever. I wont go to my mother until I know who the other woman (if there is another woman) is and if that means me following him so be it i am going to sort it out once and for all. I didnt sleep a wink last night and i wont either till i know whats going on. I don't want to approachhim yet not even all three of us until we know something because i know him and he will think of something to make us believe we were being silly.

tyview

I really hope for your mothers sake its not an affair and that there is an explanation but there is a good chance that the other person has already told him or questioned him about the text ur sister sent him back. If she is married to then I was imagine she'd have to be watching her tracks too. If your dad suspects that one of you is onto him, there may be nobody to follow for the next few weeks.

I would have to sort of agree with confronting him, all three of you together so theres no chance to joke it off. Have a copy of the phone records too, especially the one that shows texts on xmas day. That is question enough and tell him you want to know the truth before you go to your mother, But that you are going to your mother. Just my thoughts... hope i'm never in that position.
Best of luck