Does my work colleague like me?

LegacyUser

I'm 31 and need some "mature advise" in trying to read the signals from a male work colleague that I "think" I am getting. I'm usually not very good at this kind of thing as I don't have alot of confidence in the whole dating scene though I do have good intuition and people skills.....once I'm not the one that is involved.

Aboout 12 mths ago this male work colleague who I will call Connor (not his real name) moved into my section. I have worked with him for 7 years, and only knew him to see and not to talk to. To be honest, I considered him to be a bit rough around the edges, and he is well known among our other colleagues as having a rather brusque manner!

Anyhow before Christmas we did get talking in our work area (he made the inital approach). He is not the type of person I would normally fancy or go for (I'm not from Dublin and he would have a typical "tell it as it is" Dublin personality. He is also 10 years older (not attached, I have made discreet enquiries). So from talking to him a few times I think that he actually is a little shy and that his abruptness is just a "front" . I would catch him looking at me and then when I would meet him going to the water cooler etc he would kinda of ignore me (thats what it seemed like) so I would just nod,smile and keep walking.

I guess I started developing a little crush but I have tried to ignore these feelings and act professional in my job.
I was surprised one day when he deliberately caught my wrist to call me back after I put some work on his desk.......bloomin heck couldn't think of anything smart to say at the time and uttered something completely stupid!

Anyhow about 2 months ago he said to my face that he thought I was "stuckup". I replied you don't know me. A colleague who heard him say this also defended me and said that he was completely wrong to say this as I was not "stuckup".....so after that incident I started being much cooler with him.

After this incident he got himself a move,closer to my desk which is not helping with my concentration very much lol (this could be just a coincidence but I don't think it is)

I felt I should still play it cool as I keep thinking I'm certainly not the type of person he would be interested in, however lately I have noticed that he is being very "polite" and "extra nice" towards me......it's melted me a little. Theres been other subtle little things he has said/done that indicate that he possible is interested in me.

I have found myself now looking forward to seeing him when I get into work so I think what I need to figure out is if he is just "flirting" with me, does he genuinely like me? I know I'm completely intrigued by him and I do like the guy
How should I go about "finding out" if he is interested or not, whilst not embarrassing him or myself.

Jesus things are so much easier when you are 17!

LegacyUser

Hi!
I think i'd thread Very carefully in this situation! Work romances can get to be very messy so if you were to go ahead then I would advise that you make sure you're absolutely sure you like him as it would be awkward and possibly painful working with him if things didnt work out. It could also have a huge effect of your work. ALSO! Make sure that you are not mistaking you fancying him for being bored in work. Happens often!! A little distraction from work, romanticised in your own head!!
Saying that, there does seem to be signs there that he's possibly interested in you. It can often be the case that you find people brash and when you get to know them you realise it's to cover up insecurities.
On a brighter note! Going to a wedding in 2 weeks of a friend who met his wife to be in work, so it works for some people!!Good luck!

I am a friend

OP, I think I would cool my jets on this one.. Not trying to dishearten you but its easy, when we like someone, to believe every glance we get from them is a sign of interest - because we want to....

In any event if he is interested, for a 40+ year old man he sounds like a gimp... Talking to you and then ignoring you. Calling you stuck up and then being nicer to you. He sounds like a bit of a headmelt. I would personally not read anything into it so put it to the back of your mind, if you can and concentrate on work.

ash23

I don't think he does like you in that way to be honest.
I think he's being extra nice to you because he insulted you, was overheard by another colleague and now you're acting cool with him....he's probably just afraid you'll make a complaint about him.

LegacyUser

Thank you both for your replies. I just need to see this through some objective eyes,as for obvious reasons I can't discuss this with some of my female friends at work.

@livelyd Yeah I'm well aware of the problems of work romances and this is the real reason I played it cool with this gentleman from the beginning, possibly resulting in him thinking I was "stuckup" . I don't think I'm bored in work always have a laugh with my other male/female workmates and pretty much enjoy my work. I am just so annoyed that he took it upon himself to move beside my desk!

@I am a friend. I have to agree that I have felt that my head has been a little melted by him and am not trying to read something into every signal. It's just there has been a few specific things, some of which I have not disclosed, as It might give the game away if a colleague was to read this ;-)

I am a friend

WorkingGirl wrote: »

@I am a friend. I have to agree that I have felt that my head has been a little melted by him and am not trying to read something into every signal. It's just there has been a few specific things, some of which I have not disclosed, as It might give the game away if a colleague was to read this ;-)

Well fair enough but you wont get productive answers if we only know 50% of the story...

Distorted

I'd be of the opinion he is messing with you. He might find you attractive, fancy you but not in the genuine, open minded sense that a good relationship could come out of. It sounds more like he is doing it entertainment and that ignoring you one minute, the next minute being all keen, is never a good sign. Even in a young person, but in someone in their 40's, it sounds potentially manipulative and messy.

LegacyUser

@ I am a friend: I totally understand, but I think I have given enough details for the mo.

@ash: Whilst I was personally "upset" (because it was he who said that!) normally it would be "water off a ducks back" and certainly not a serious issue to make a complaint about!

@ Distorted: I think you possibly have hit the nail on the head and whilst I hope this is not the case, I think the odds are that he IS messing with me...I think this is perhaps one of the reasons I played it so cool all along.

johnr1

Distorted wrote: »

I'd be of the opinion he is messing with you. He might find you attractive, fancy you but not in the genuine, open minded sense that a good relationship could come out of. It sounds more like he is doing it entertainment and that ignoring you one minute, the next minute being all keen, is never a good sign. Even in a young person, but in someone in their 40's, it sounds potentially manipulative and messy.

Bull - of the first degree !

Ya right, like its not possible or more likely he's just a gimp as suggested above with a serious lack of social skills.
Some absolute dopes think calling a woman stuckup is funny or gets their attention.
Maybe he thought that by saying that, that you'd give him more attention or chat with him more, I dunno, but the fact that someone usually as gruff as a bear is now trying to be especially nice to you would indicate interest above usual.
In any case, I'd leave it OP, cos someone with no social cop on like that would probably be an absolute headmelt in a relationship anyway.

But leave off with the "He's doing it for entertainment" crap, that's not fair.

LegacyUser

johnr1 wrote: »

Bull - of the first degree !

Ya right, like its not possible or more likely he's just a gimp as suggested above with a serious lack of social skills.
Some absolute dopes think calling a woman stuckup is funny or gets their attention.
Maybe he thought that by saying that, that you'd give him more attention or chat with him more, I dunno, but the fact that someone usually as gruff as a bear is now trying to be especially nice to you would indicate interest above usual.
In any case, I'd leave it OP, cos someone with no social cop on like that would probably be an absolute headmelt in a relationship anyway.

But leave off with the "He's doing it for entertainment" crap, that's not fair.

I was hoping to get a male viewpoint so thanks for chiming in John.

I feel like throwing all my files at this guys head....there he is today when I come into work glancing at me across the section as I arrive into work....then when I headed off to do something in a different part of the office he drops by to "have a loud chat" with another staff member who is right beside me. I know he had no reason to be in this area! (need to do my roll eyes smiley here)

John it's not that he a pig or anything ....he can be quite a charmer when he wants to be and I've caught him blushing which I have found rather amusing...but I wish he didn't have to blow so hot and cold although I too have been cool with him.
Apologies for going on and on about it ......I think I just need to write some stuff down and then i will be able to think more clearly.

ash23

ok well you're adamant he does fancy you. So either act on it and ask him out. Or move on from it and try to get over it. Thats all you can do.

Distorted

johnr1 wrote: »

Bull - of the first degree !

Its not bull if women would think this and be put right off him though, is it!

Maple

OP, I don't mean to be harsh but on the basis of what you've said it seems to me that you're just caught up in a crush and reading way too much into this situation.

The guy told you to your face that he thought you were stuck up, he was refuted on that point by another colleague, since then he's been nice to you? I think he's just embarrassed by being an utter clod and is trying to make it up to you that way. Again going on what you've said I wouldn't think that there is anything more to it than that.

As for the glances and him being in an area where he's not supposed to be, again I think you're looking for signs that just aren't there.

I don't mean to be harsh, crushes are great fun but there's rarely anything of substance to them in my opinion.

borabora

OP I'm going to go against the grain here and say yes I do think he fancies you! You seem to think so yourself and you're probably not wrong, I don't think women tend to be too often in this kind of situation. A 41 year old single man, perhaps he has intimacy issues? It would tie in with this gruff front he seems to be putting on. Maybe he's a bit messed up emotionally. Personally, I kind of go for that, but if you don't perhaps you should steer clear! So I think you should bite the bullet and very casually ask him out for a drink. I doubt he's going to ask you out- it could be magic if it gets going though! Good luck OP, keep us posted.

I am a friend

You seem convinced he is into you and are not listening to those to tell you he is not so go on and ask him out. Its the only way you will get a firm answer...

LegacyUser

Maple wrote: »

OP, I don't mean to be harsh but on the basis of what you've said it seems to me that you're just caught up in a crush and reading way too much into this situation.

The guy told you to your face that he thought you were stuck up, he was refuted on that point by another colleague, since then he's been nice to you? I think he's just embarrassed by being an utter clod and is trying to make it up to you that way. Again going on what you've said I wouldn't think that there is anything more to it than that.

As for the glances and him being in an area where he's not supposed to be, again I think you're looking for signs that just aren't there.

I don't mean to be harsh, crushes are great fun but there's rarely anything of substance to them in my opinion.

Maple: You havn't been harsh! (perhaps if i was 17/18 I'd think you were though) ;-)

Perhaps I am reading much more into this then I should, however it really was "the move closer to my desk" that got me pondering, as "the move" was mentioned to me by more then one colleague in conversation at the time. We normally work in designated areas and he did take it upon himself to move close to my desk (and when I say close I mean close).........perhaps there is a perfectly logical reason why he moved...but if there was I'm sure I would have actually heard about it!

borabora wrote: »

So I think you should bite the bullet and very casually ask him out for a drink. I doubt he's going to ask you out- it could be magic if it gets going though! Good luck OP, keep us posted.

Well I guess at least I'd know one way or the other.....and perhaps this is the only way I am actually going to know what the story is!

Folks thanks for all your replies and advise which has helped me to think a little more clearly about this situation.