In love with a housemate?

Darith

A sweet girl moved in five months ago and i finally acknowledged a month ago myself i had feelings for her, love i think. So two weeks ago i told her. She said she was happy with her boyfriend. Heartbroken,i talked to others, cry to myself a few times. Getting better now. Now i have to try to move on. Some say i should just develop feelings for someone else. I am 37. I do not have the time waiting for someone else to come along especially since i find it particularly hard to connect with anyone. So should i stick it out or simply change house? Although i feel i am already moving on, i feel it is going slow.

baby and crumble

Well she's given you her answer, she's happy with her boyfriend, so I don't honestly see what there might be to 'stick it out' for? You do need to move on, but it's easier said than done. Like most things. You can't just 'develop' feelings for someone else. However, I can't imagine staying living with this girl will help that along. You're always going to see her every day, probably being happy with her boyfriend which will make it doubly hard.

My advice would be to try and move out, and get yourself out there.

Best of luck!

Distorted

You can't love someone after only 5 months of knowing them, and at 37 you should know that! A houseshare doesn't mean you have a special connection with this girl - she is there simply to share a house with you. I'm surprised that you didn't already know she had a boyfriend or find out before sharing your feelings with her, or indeed letting your feelings develop. Its probably best in future to find out early on whether or not someone is single.

I honestly think it would be difficult for both of you to remain as housemates unless you are both very easy going. This is why its best not to get involved with housemates romantically. There are loads of people out there, look beyond your immediate environment and get out and meet them!

zxcvbnm1

Distorted wrote: »

You can't love someone after only 5 months of knowing them

Well just how long do you have to know someone before you love them?

Surely 5 months is more than enough.

Distorted

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Well just how long do you have to know someone before you love them?

Surely 5 months is more than enough.

In the context of the question, does this really need to be explained? Yes, after 5 months of a relationship, you might rightly claim to be in the first throws of love with someone. 5 months after being someone's housemate? Get real.

People who talk of "being in love" with other people that they have never actually had a proper physical adult relationship with are verging too near being obsessive/stalker like for my liking. Apologies to OP if he is fully restrained and completely non offensive in his actions, but it does happen.

zxcvbnm1

Distorted wrote: »

In the context of the question, does this really need to be explained? Yes, after 5 months of a relationship, you might rightly claim to be in the first throws of love with someone. 5 months after being someone's housemate? Get real.

Nonsense

desertcircus

Falling in love with an attached woman you've been housesharing with for five months is not utterly impossible, but it should be close to it. She's happily attached. You're her housemate. Would she have listed you as one of her two or three best friends before you told her? You're infatuated rather than in love.

There is no question of whether you should be "moving on"; she's not interested. She's in a relationship. She has told you clearly that she's not interested. Refusing to accept this is not caring, loving behaviour. Find a new place to live and find other people to talk to. If you think you don't have the time to find somebody else, bear in mind that you don't have the time to wait around on the off-chance that A) her relationship collapses, and she decides she actually likes you. Go meet other people, pick up a hobby, join a political party if you're so inclined. But at all costs try to remember that whatever the odds are on falling in love with someone without having an actual romantic relationship with them are, the odds on doing it twice are astronomical. If you think it's happening again, bear that in mind and try to keep a sense of perspective.

Darith

Distorted wrote: »

You can't love someone after only 5 months of knowing them, and at 37 you should know that! A houseshare doesn't mean you have a special connection with this girl - she is there simply to share a house with you. I'm surprised that you didn't already know she had a boyfriend or find out before sharing your feelings with her, or indeed letting your feelings develop. Its probably best in future to find out early on whether or not someone is single.

I honestly think it would be difficult for both of you to remain as housemates unless you are both very easy going. This is why its best not to get involved with housemates romantically. There are loads of people out there, look beyond your immediate environment and get out and meet them!

Sorry i did know she had a boyfriend.I was sharing the house with her before she had a boyfriend.

Darith

desertcircus wrote: »

Falling in love with an attached woman you've been housesharing with for five months is not utterly impossible, but it should be close to it. She's happily attached. You're her housemate. Would she have listed you as one of her two or three best friends before you told her? You're infatuated rather than in love.

There is no question of whether you should be "moving on"; she's not interested. She's in a relationship. She has told you clearly that she's not interested. Refusing to accept this is not caring, loving behaviour. Find a new place to live and find other people to talk to. If you think you don't have the time to find somebody else, bear in mind that you don't have the time to wait around on the off-chance that A) her relationship collapses, and she decides she actually likes you. Go meet other people, pick up a hobby, join a political party if you're so inclined. But at all costs try to remember that whatever the odds are on falling in love with someone without having an actual romantic relationship with them are, the odds on doing it twice are i astronomical. If you think it's happening again, bear that in mind and try to keep a sense of perspective.

I have accepted she is happy with her boyfriend. I have wished her the best.When i meant "moving on",i was talking of becoming just friends with her again as before. Is such a thing possible while sharing the same house. I am beginning to think not.

Darith

baby and crumble wrote: »

Well she's given you her answer, she's happy with her boyfriend, so I don't honestly see what there might be to 'stick it out' for? You do need to move on, but it's easier said than done. Like most things. You can't just 'develop' feelings for someone else. However, I can't imagine staying living with this girl will help that along. You're always going to see her every day, probably being happy with her boyfriend which will make it doubly hard.

My advice would be to try and move out, and get yourself out there.

Best of luck!

To stick it out , i hope to just become friends again, but i am wondering if that is possible.

Darith

Distorted wrote: »

In the context of the question, does this really need to be explained? Yes, after 5 months of a relationship, you might rightly claim to be in the first throws of love with someone. 5 months after being someone's housemate? Get real.

People who talk of "being in love" with other people that they have never actually had a proper physical adult relationship with are verging too near being obsessive/stalker like for my liking. Apologies to OP if he is fully restrained and completely non offensive in his actions, but it does happen.

Physical Relationship? Sorry can you explain this one to me.

johnr1

Darith wrote: »

Physical Relationship? Sorry can you explain this one to me.

Distorted, forgive me for answering a question directed at you.

Ahm - Kissing,(on the mouth, not friendly airkisses)
Hugging, holding etc
Touching areas of the body reserved for couples/sex partners
Sex in some or all its forms.

There you go OP, couldnt be clearer.

I might add that as you didnt seem to know what a physical relationship is, maybe "being in love" is too difficult a concept for you to grasp just yet.

Distorted, I find it extremely odd to be agreeing with you, but in this case, you're absolutely right. :eek::D

Distorted

johnr1 wrote: »

Distorted, forgive me for answering a question directed at you.

No, you're quite all right there! Thanks!