Feel awful after ONS

LegacyUser

Hi all

I am a poster here but said Id keep this drivel to anon

Last weekend, I had my first ever ONS. I am out of a long term about a year and although Ive had a few encounters since and a two half seeing type relationships, i have not yet actually gone home and slept with a person on the first night til now

I just feel manky. I mean It was fun at the time, it was safe etc, he was cute out but like, its seriously just not worth this empty mank I have in me now.

Is this like a rite of passage or something that i missed out on in my younger 20s cos I was going out with someone? I know, for certain its not for me now, how exactly do other people deal with it emotionally.

See, told ya, total drivel!!

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to PI - anon posting is also allowed here.

Wompa1

usualdrivel wrote: »

Hi all

I am a poster here but said Id keep this drivel to anon

Last weekend, I had my first ever ONS. I am out of a long term about a year and although Ive had a few encounters since and a two half seeing type relationships, i have not yet actually gone home and slept with a person on the first night til now

I just feel manky. I mean It was fun at the time, it was safe etc, he was cute out but like, its seriously just not worth this empty mank I have in me now.

Is this like a rite of passage or something that i missed out on in my younger 20s cos I was going out with someone? I know, for certain its not for me now, how exactly do other people deal with it emotionally.

See, told ya, total drivel!!

See it as a learning experience and move on. I'm a guy and feel the exact same. I tried it and didn't like it all. I was 23 by the time I gave in and went for it. I regretted it right away. It will be on your mind less and less as the months go on.

LegacyUser

Wompa1 wrote: »

See it as a learning experience and move on. I'm a guy and feel the exact same. I tried it and didn't like it all. I was 23 by the time I gave in and went for it. I regretted it right away. It will be on your mind less and less as the months go on.

I agree with this.

OP, you've discovered you don't like one night stands. I don't like them either. There is no shame in this, but sometimes I do fell like I'm a prude or something, then tell myself to cop on.

As for the ONS you've already had, just treat it as a learning experience and move on. What is done is done.

LegacyUser

I've had a few of them (I'm a woman) but I'd never bother again to be honest. I have found them to be hollow experiences and not really worth all the hassle. They don't suit everyone and you've discovered this about yourself. Chalk it up to experience and move on. As time goes by, your memories of it will fade.

IrishEyes19

Take it as a learning experience, OP, it's not my cup of tea either, but at least now you know this isnt for you. That in itself is valuable learning experience.

Dont feel about yourself or what you did. At the moment it was right, you should live life like that but also live life with a view on being safe and now you know you dont like ONS.

Dont worry about it therefore, and just get on with your day to day life. Its no harm to let the hair down once in a while, but you seem like a sensible person who knows what they want. Fair play to you and dont beat yourself up about it.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all the replies. Looks like its a common enough this to feel so after a ONS. I think i will definitely have to take the advice and chalk it down to experience, when i get to that wise unemotional part of the experience. I just was always so careful even since my break up that I was kind of almost in two small relationships before I decided to have sex and then I was able to deal with it much better.

It makes me wonder though, how does a girl cope emotionally if she got pregnant from a ONS? I really dont know how id cope at all!

I'm male and had this feeling. Did it once and felt really dirty after it. It's hard to describe but I ended up having a shower the next morning as part of "cleaning myself up." I chalked it down to experience and since decided to abstain unless in a relationship.

If you didn't like it you don't have to do it again, don't let anyone pressure you into it either. Your body, your rules.

LegacyUser

usualdrivel wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the replies. Looks like its a common enough this to feel so after a ONS. I think i will definitely have to take the advice and chalk it down to experience, when i get to that wise unemotional part of the experience. I just was always so careful even since my break up that I was kind of almost in two small relationships before I decided to have sex and then I was able to deal with it much better.

It makes me wonder though, how does a girl cope emotionally if she got pregnant from a ONS? I really dont know how id cope at all!

Feeling manky or dirty about having no-strings sex is just as common as feeling fine and dandy about it I'd think. Some like it, some don't.

As for dealing with a pregnancy, probably the same way they'd deal with a pregnancy from a fling or short-term relationship that didn't work out. There isn't all that much difference really.