Help quick!

LegacyUser

today is our srd anniversary and im feeling 'meh' about it. Could hardly think of what to write on the card as i just wasnt feeling it. Now im normally all into cards and sentiment and all that but i just havent been feeling it lately. We have a new (well 9 mths) son who is great and as I was away for almost 3 weeks recently and missed him (my oh) i thought things were great. But since iv come home he is just getting on my nerves. Hes currently unemployed and im satm so we are under each others feet alot - and while i was away he did feck all housework, in fact the place was filty when i came home. I was livid about that, we fell out almost as soon as I got home.

Also money ahs been VERY tight the last while (nearly two yrs in fact) so we havent been able to go out for a fancy meal or drinks or anything lately and theres no money for presents or anything. He is cooking for me tonight, and I will at least get a card at some stage today, so i guess i havent that much to complain about. I just feel a bit numb or something?

I dont want to spoil today - but im on edge with him and he hasnt actually done anything? How can I shake myself out of this?

I am a friend

Say nothing tonight because, in fairness to him, he is making a big effort for your birthday (small things mean a lot).

I would at some point soon address the housekeeping issue and make sure you both know what your roles are in the house. Its not right that he didnt keep the place clean when you were away. Is he looking for work?

I am not surprised you are feeling a bit 'meh' if you have had such serious financial constrictions over the last couple of years and limited opportunity to treate yourself. Dont beat yourself up about it cos it does sound like you also see how luck you are with your lot. Is this feeling of 'meh' since your baby was born? Did you talk to the doc abouot it.

Look, we cant always be madly in love all of the time so dont stress about that. Try not to think too far ahead. Just enjoy tonight and then worry about tomorrow, tomorrow but do talk to your doc if you think your recent slump is hormonal related.

Mallei

Because if a woman is having doubts about her workshy, filthy husband she MUST be having hormonal issues. There's no possible way she could just be a bit sick and tired of having him sit about at home all day and yet never lift a finger to help :rolleyes:

OP: I'd listen to your gut. Not even caring about an anniversary would set alarm bells going in my head. It sounds from your descriptions like the love might have left your relationship a long time ago; you're now just comfortable with each other, and tied together by a child.

Don't say anything tonight, but I'd give the future of this relationship serious consideration over the next few days.

LegacyUser

Well he has just come back from town and he cant do the dinner he had planned because he cant get the ingredients. I asked him to think of something else, but it is after 5 now and his friend just called in so its not likely he will make a butchers - so i guess there is no dinner afterall. Also i havent got a card or anything yet, and he got some beer for himself and i so far havent seen any wine for me? I am feeling very very unappreciated. he hasnt thought about it or put any effort in - and i think its doubly important seeing as we have no money.

For instance i let him lie in till 11.30 today, cooked him his fav sausage n toast and made him tea and gave him card soon as he got up. Not a present excalty but tried my best! Obv he will want to 'get some' later and im totally not in the mood.

I have been as happy as larry since my baby was born no baby blues or anything so i dont think its hormonal. i just feel that he has stopped caring and im very worried about it.

I am a friend

Miaooooow

It would not he unreasonable to think, given that she has a 9 month old baby and recently feels like this that it's PND.. But no it must be cos her oh is lazy :rolleyes: Hate all men do ya?

Miss Fluff

Mallei wrote: »

Because if a woman is having doubts about her workshy, filthy husband she MUST be having hormonal issues. There's no possible way she could just be a bit sick and tired of having him sit about at home all day and yet never lift a finger to help :rolleyes:

What's with the attitude? Want a helping of vitriol with that? :rolleyes:

My first instinct when reading your post OP was that it must be very hard on you to have all these extra pressures on your head when you have a 9-month old baby to contend with. I've a nephew of the same age and I love him with my heart and soul but feck they are exhausting!

When you say you feel "meh", do you feel meh about other aspects of your life as well? How is your sleep? Have you less of an interest in stuff generally? Do you think PND could be a possibility? How long have you been feeling like this for?

If you are feeling tired and strained then a lazy partner who's not pulling his weight won't help. It'll only compound everything else. The grand gestures and dinner cooking on your anniversary aren't much good when he won't clean up are they?

Enjoy your evening this evening but you do need to talk to him and maybe agree on what you both should be doing around the house and when it comes to looking after your baby too.

Also if you are feeling very down then perhaps it is worth talking to your local healthcare professional and telling them how you feel to see if they can help.

dixiefly

Mallei wrote: »

Because if a woman is having doubts about her workshy, filthy husband she MUST be having hormonal issues. There's no possible way she could just be a bit sick and tired of having him sit about at home all day and yet never lift a finger to help :rolleyes:

OP: I'd listen to your gut. Not even caring about an anniversary would set alarm bells going in my head. It sounds from your descriptions like the love might have left your relationship a long time ago; you're now just comfortable with each other, and tied together by a child.

Don't say anything tonight, but I'd give the future of this relationship serious consideration over the next few days.

Wow! You came in all guns blazing there!

Here's one guy that's glad he's not your other half.

The OP did not say that he is workshy or filthy. The situation after she was away was not explained fully - she may have come back unannounced. Also, she didnt say who had the child at that time (though I would assume it was herself).

Marriage is not straightforward at all and requires work on both sides and unemployment adds a new dimension to that. I know some people that are unemployed and bouts of depression are not far away. Remember the outlet of emigration is musch less feasible when you have a family. They do need to discuss things but not with an attitude like that.

Lastly to I am a Friend, I congratulate you on being one of the most reasonable and practical posters on this forum. Lets hope that the OP listens to you and not Mallei. As for the 3 who gave their thumbs up to Mallei, well some people never cease to amaze me!

ElleEm

OP, I totally get where you're coming from.
Sometimes relationships can go a bit stale if you're not nourishing it, and I'd imagine with money being tight and a new baby, it's hard to look after your relationship.

Take time over the next few days, maybe give the little one to someone to watch for an hour, and have a chat with your hubby about your unhappiness. Men tend to not see the dirt the way women do, and I'm sure he didn't leave the house dirty on purpose. Maybe speak about how you can work a plan where you both do your fair share of work around the house and with the baby. This will mean less stress for you.

You should also try to make time for your relationship by getting a trusted friend/ family member to mind your little one for the night. Get dressed up, light candles and put on lovely music. Myself and my partner do this when we're a bit poor and feel like we're neglecting our relationship. We'll eat at the candlelit table with no telly and connect with each other.
Maybe you just need to reconnect with the man you love.