I am never catching a fecking bus again

HornyDevil

I am never ever going to get a bus anywhere again. If I have to hitch-hike, get taxi's, or damn well walk - then that's what I will do. Years of fear, dread, humiliation and sheer misery, is about to come to an end . . . and I'm never catching a bus anywhere again - and I mean anywhere - for as long as I live.

Yesterday was the final straw when the college drip who sat next to me in his Roy Orbison glasses, slurping from one of those polystyrene cups of coffee, decided to accidentally spill half of the scalding contents into my lap . . ruining my latest novel in the process and turning my bollocks into microwaved doughboys. He didn't make eye contact, but mumbled a neanderthal sounding grunt which may have been 'sorry' in hyper laid-back student talk. At that precise moment a horrid spliffy, jointy, weedy aroma wafted my way. The guy was spaced out on dope, totally.

I've had numerous previous journeys where I've felt a pair of eyes burning into the side of my face, been chatted-up by a transexual, hit over the head with a rolled up newspaper by a lunatic swatting a wasp, and vomited over by a brat whose mother took no notice. Then there's the enormous fat woman with an allergy to soap who wedged me into the back of the bus for the entire hour's journey, and it was all I could do to stop myself heaving as her 250-pound armpit kept brushing my chin. Had she never heard of soap . . . or odour eaters for that matter.

Oh yes, over the years I've smelled a variety of other, equally undesirable scents that other passengers had coated themselves in - including urine, cigar smoke, booze-breath, dog crap, copious amounts of dubious pound shop fragrances - sometimes individually, occasionally all at once. Do you KNOW how many people are drunk when they get on the bus. I would say 15% of the passengers are intoxicated, and they smell like it. And most of them sit next to me.

Besides drunks, I have had the honour of sitting next to bitchy little teenage gay guys who mince about and squeal loudly into their mobile phones, old ladies with whooping cough, girls who can be no older than 12, dressed like complete mini-whores, and who put their stiletto-clad feet up on the back of the seat in front of them. Plus children whose faces are completely obscured by snot, young white men who think they are young black men using ghetto talk, screaming babies, wet umbrellas shook over me, and a hundred and one other pains in the butt.

No, I'm never getting the fecking bus again . . as long as I live.

I'd buy a car if I had the money. Any offers?

Lemsiper

fúck off?

El Weirdo

HornyDevil wrote: »

At that precise moment a horrid spliffy, jointy, weedy aroma wafted my way. The guy was spaced out on dope, totally.

Did he not even offer you a toke by way of an apology?

Agent Smith

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1V_qz9I1Nk

good work

TanG411

I'm sorry, your highness.

Mr. Denton

HornyDevil wrote: »

Any offers?

No. I lost interest in your plight once I read you have bollocks.

My name is URL

HornyDevil wrote: »

The guy was spaced out on dope, totally

I bet he enjoyed the journey more than you.

amacca

ah yeah....................Public Transport would be simply wonderful...if it was'nt for the public.

alex73

Man.. You need to get a life, Rule #1 for using the Bus in Dublin. Never ever ever shower.. Stink to high hell and NOBODY will come near you. Duuhh you must have gone to Trinity.

fryup

i take it OP, this was in england??

amacca

fryup wrote: »

i take it OP, this was in england??

if not then hes a big old compulsive location liar (love a bit of alliteration with me tea)


actually I reckon the OP is a liar.......sounds like a girl to me:D

ballsymchugh

what you need to do, is when you see someone eyeing the seat next to you, stare at them all smiley faced and pat the seat beside you. that'll keep them away!

Dennis the Stone

HornyDevil wrote: »

Yesterday was the final straw when the college drip who sat next to me in his Roy Orbison glasses, slurping from one of those polystyrene cups of coffee, decided to accidentally spill half of the scalding contents into my lap . .

Go easy on him, he was probably distracted because he was returning to Blue Bayou.

Saila

does no one know where ranting and raving is anymore, ffs :mad::mad::mad::mad:

sollar

I don't take buses you get far to close to the dregs of society old bean.

southsiderosie

HornyDevil wrote: »

The guy was spaced out on dope, totally.

My daily commute via Dublin Bus would have been a lot more tolerable had I been stoned.

Spilling his coffee on you was fcuked up though.

Tipsy McSwagger

We all know he will be back on the bus first thing Monday morning.

HornyDevil

fryup wrote: »

i take it OP, this was in england??

I'll let you guess from the surroundings. This lard-arse got off the same stop as me :eek:

You might want to look away now

amacca

HornyDevil wrote: »

I'll let you guess from the surroundings. This lard-arse got off the same stop as me :eek:

You might want to look away now

you really shouldn't have done that........................................the effect of that post was contrary to what one would expect from someone posting with your username.

next stop Camden town...and a good day to you sir!

HornyDevil

southsiderosie wrote: »

My daily commute via Dublin Bus would have been a lot more tolerable had I been stoned.

Spilling his coffee on you was fcuked up though.

. . . not even nescafe . . fcuking cheapskate students

chucken1

Saila wrote: »

does no one know where ranting and raving is anymore, ffs :mad::mad::mad::mad:

Nope Where is it?

Larianne

ballsymchugh wrote: »

what you need to do, is when you see someone eyeing the seat next to you, stare at them all smiley faced and pat the seat beside you. that'll keep them away!

Or, keep a tissue you with and whip it out when someone starts eyeing up the seat next to you and cough and splutter and pretend to blow your nose. Works a treat!

Gummy Panda

HornyDevil wrote: »

I could do to stop myself heaving as her 250-pound armpit kept brushing my chin. Had she never heard of soap . . . or odour eaters for that matter.

Ewwww!!

I feel your pain OP

Hyperbullet

You could catch something worse. Like herpes.

amacca

Larianne wrote: »

Or, keep a tissue you with and whip it out when someone starts eyeing up the seat next to you and cough and splutter and pretend to blow your nose. Works a treat!

that...That was you......you crafty minx........cant believe I took the risk of sitting beside that twitchy looking junkie in the back just to avoid catching the common cold.

brightkane

HornyDevil wrote: »

girls who can be no older than 12, dressed like complete mini-whores, and who put their stiletto-clad feet up on the back of the seat in front of them.

What number bus was it?

Skid

Once you used the words 'Roy Orbison' in a derogatory sense, I was hoping something bad happened to you.

And I wasn't disappointed!

PS Everything's ****e since Roy Orbision died.

amacca

Skid wrote: »

PS Everything's ****e since Roy Orbision died.

eh hello.....AC-DC!

Insect Overlord

Oh look, Jake is back again!

norris_minor

HornyDevil wrote: »

a horrid spliffy, jointy, weedy aroma wafted my way. The guy was spaced out on dope, totally.

but even my nan likes that smell!

Was the lad's slightly-stronger-than-regular-tobacco laced with LSD or what?!

Gummy Panda

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Oh look, Jake is back again!

It's Jake la motta?

saa

If someones drinking coffee beside me on a Dublin Bus I would expect it to spill, all's that is needed is a corner bend or speed bump


I hate when someone sits too close to you on your half of the seat, like your thigh/shoulder is making way too much contact with me shudder.



I don't mind the buses so much, if you sit in the middle esp the higher seats you avoid most of the tossers at the back and the strange ones usually sit near the front, i love that little single seat on the right of the bus I can't see out but no one can sit beside me and smell like piss


But to get back to my point I don't mind taking the bus I actually mind (as much as i love it) I mind walking and cycling... I get shouted at cycling and I feel like I'm going to get mugged walking. Yeah no one notices me on the bus I like that.

WoollyRedHat

The OP sounds like the start of a chapter from some self-indulgent novel.

FloatingVoter

The OP sounds like a troll (actually with that cheap aftershave smells like one too). Each and every stereotype he mentioned exists. They do not all exist at the same time on the same busride. If he actually is that stuck up I certainly wouldn't want to share a seat with him and would have pity on anyone who finds themselves in that predicament.

later12

HornyDevil wrote: »

I am never ever going to get a bus anywhere again.[...] Years of fear, dread, humiliation and sheer misery, is about to come to an end

Are you sure that's not slight exaggeration?

I accept you've had a lot of bad experiences on public transport, but really, fear, dread, humiliation and sheer misery?

It's not like they stripped you naked, pointed and laughed at you, you just got an unwanted whiff of sweaty armpit. Public transport in Ireland is pretty tame, even on journeys around rougher parts of the city (you know... in town)

FTGFOP

The bus: a fragrant soup of Irish British society.

Mmm British soup, sounds meaty.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

HornyDevil wrote: »

I am never ever going to get a bus anywhere again. If I have to hitch-hike, get taxi's, or damn well walk - then that's what I will do. Years of fear, dread, humiliation and sheer misery, is about to come to an end . . . and I'm never catching a bus anywhere again - and I mean anywhere - for as long as I live.

Yesterday was the final straw when the college drip who sat next to me in his Roy Orbison glasses, slurping from one of those polystyrene cups of coffee, decided to accidentally spill half of the scalding contents into my lap . . ruining my latest novel in the process and turning my bollocks into microwaved doughboys. He didn't make eye contact, but mumbled a neanderthal sounding grunt which may have been 'sorry' in hyper laid-back student talk. At that precise moment a horrid spliffy, jointy, weedy aroma wafted my way. The guy was spaced out on dope, totally.

I've had numerous previous journeys where I've felt a pair of eyes burning into the side of my face, been chatted-up by a transexual, hit over the head with a rolled up newspaper by a lunatic swatting a wasp, and vomited over by a brat whose mother took no notice. Then there's the enormous fat woman with an allergy to soap who wedged me into the back of the bus for the entire hour's journey, and it was all I could do to stop myself heaving as her 250-pound armpit kept brushing my chin. Had she never heard of soap . . . or odour eaters for that matter.

Oh yes, over the years I've smelled a variety of other, equally undesirable scents that other passengers had coated themselves in - including urine, cigar smoke, booze-breath, dog crap, copious amounts of dubious pound shop fragrances - sometimes individually, occasionally all at once. Do you KNOW how many people are drunk when they get on the bus. I would say 15% of the passengers are intoxicated, and they smell like it. And most of them sit next to me.

Besides drunks, I have had the honour of sitting next to bitchy little teenage gay guys who mince about and squeal loudly into their mobile phones, old ladies with whooping cough, girls who can be no older than 12, dressed like complete mini-whores, and who put their stiletto-clad feet up on the back of the seat in front of them. Plus children whose faces are completely obscured by snot, young white men who think they are young black men using ghetto talk, screaming babies, wet umbrellas shook over me, and a hundred and one other pains in the butt.

No, I'm never getting the fecking bus again . . as long as I live.

I'd buy a car if I had the money. Any offers?

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