When will she be Ready?

thesultan

Ok I after this girl with over a month or so and so the story goes...
She was in the pub one night and I was serving . Now she came in drunk and I was talking to her. I ended up having a drink with her and talking and her brother in law told me to chance her. Now I went to a house party that night and catted again to her but she fell asleep. I'd said that I would look her up on facebook and make connect and all and I asked her would she come out with me some time. Now she said that she was recently broke up with her boyfriend and needed some personnal time. I said fine to this and said that I would leave her a month and chance her again. Now I did this and was chatting away to her on facebook and all. I knew that she was going to a wedding last week which I was attending the afters. Now I meet up with her at the wedding and I got chatting to her but HER ex was there and she told me the next day that she left because she didn't want any hassle. Now was I on to her the other day and I asked her to meet up at the weekend. I said I was bothered weather she wanted to go for a meal, a drink or head to Dublin if she wanted.

She responded i dont think so
<LI class="uiListItem uiListVerticalItemBorder">
just not ready
<LI class="uiListItem uiListVerticalItemBorder">
sorry.

I said that I say this considering I couldn't really sleep last night and if I didn't my head would probably explode. Look you may call me an idiot for saying this but I kind of had to get it off my chest. Hope is a great thing, it kept me about ten foot tall when I thought I had a chance with you. Now obviously you knew that I liked you but I could never tell if you actually liked me but the fact that I thought I had a chance gave me as I said great hope. Now I know that you had you break up and you wanted time to yourself but the thing is I said that I had to try. Now as I said in my last post that I said that I would give you a month and see how you feel. When you meet your ex the other night something triggered I guess inside of you again and you kind of (I'd say) didn't want any hassle for a while. Now this was none of my business but the point I trying to make is this. Look when you do feel like going back out there , I would be terrible foolish in not trying to ask you out because obviously who are a lovely looking woman and all and you would be snapped up in an instant.I couldn't tell how long that would be wither it was a day a week or a month or so. I would have preferred to actually have said this to your face but I respect the stance you have.

All The best


I gave that responce. What will I do now..

Kimia

What the hell kind of response was that? She was open with you - said she needed some personal time to get over her ex and you said you'd 'chance (:rolleyes:) her in a month. When you do, she's less than amenable to your advances and you freak out and send her a barely legible rant?

Seriously, you need to calm down and learn how to accept rejection. It happens to all of us - you can't just launch into these crazy tirades because all you're doing is putting her off even more.

My god.

Neyite

If I got a tirade like that I would cut off all contact with you. in fact, I was the girl in a similar situation and a guy would just.not.go.away. He made the assumption that my "not ready" was some coy sort of hard to get game. It wasnt and he reacted similar to you. My response was to tell him never to contact me again. I suspect this girl will do that too.

She has turned you down every time you asked. Just because she becomes "ready" it does not mean that you are entitled to be first in line by default.

The truth about "not ready" is that if the right man came along, that status would change. She is just not that into you.

girlonfire

When will guys like you learn? She has been crystal clear with you - she's not interested. Truth is, you're making yourself increasingly unattractive to her with messages like that. Leave her alone.

thesultan

Neyite wrote: »

If I got a tirade like that I would cut off all contact with you. in fact, I was the girl in a similar situation and a guy would just.not.go.away. He made the assumption that my "not ready" was some coy sort of hard to get game. It wasnt and he reacted similar to you. My response was to tell him never to contact me again. I suspect this girl will do that too.

She has turned you down every time you asked. Just because she becomes "ready" it does not mean that you are entitled to be first in line by default.

The truth about "not ready" is that if the right man came along, that status would change. She is just not that into you.

ok jesus I thought that a bit over the top. I asked her twice. First when she was after breaking up and next was a month or so later. What was the harm in asking. My rant as it was called was a bit over the top but I thought that I was just explaining my case

tinkerbell

Neyite wrote: »

The truth about "not ready" is that if the right man came along, that status would change. She is just not that into you.

This.

She's not ready = she ain't into you. Stop kidding yourself OP and move on.

Neyite

thesultan wrote: »

ok jesus I thought that a bit over the top. I asked her twice. First when she was after breaking up and next was a month or so later. What was the harm in asking. My rant as it was called was a bit over the top but I thought that I was just explaining my case

There is no harm in asking, and you did - twice, and both times she politely declined. Then you wrote her this:

Look you may call me an idiot for saying this but I kind of had to get it off my chest. Hope is a great thing, it kept me about ten foot tall when I thought I had a chance with you. Now obviously you knew that I liked you but I could never tell if you actually liked me but the fact that I thought I had a chance gave me as I said great hope.

Now I know that you had you break up and you wanted time to yourself but the thing is I said that I had to try. Now as I said in my last post that I said that I would give you a month and see how you feel. When you meet your ex the other night something triggered I guess inside of you again and you kind of (I'd say) didn't want any hassle for a while. Now this was none of my business but the point I trying to make is this.

Look when you do feel like going back out there , I would be terrible foolish in not trying to ask you out because obviously who are a lovely looking woman and all and you would be snapped up in an instant.I couldn't tell how long that would be wither it was a day a week or a month or so. I would have preferred to actually have said this to your face but I respect the stance you have.

I didnt call it a rant - I called it a tirade, you call it explaining your case. But either way, what you wrote to her does not paint you in the best light. What would you imagine her to be thinking once she has read it? (Genuine question by the way)

UrbanSea

I don't mean to sound harsh,but she must think you're really weird after that

krudler

And that folks, is the reason facebook has a block button.

Distorted

One thing that strikes me in your lengthy response to her is that not once do you show any consideration for her. Its all about you, how you felt and how you feel now. I do actually think some guys think that single women must be desperate for the next available man.

By the length of your "response", you've shown her that you're obsessive about her, prone to lengthy irrational monologues and don't respect her wishes. And you've totally lost any coolness. But she probably suspected you were a bit like this anyway, which explains her lack of interest in you.

You need to think about how you are going to come across to people before you go off on one. Forget her and move on.

miss no stars

thesultan wrote: »

I would be terrible foolish in not trying to ask you out because obviously who are a lovely looking woman and all and you would be snapped up in an instant.

Cause ya know, you're only interested cos she's good looking


If I got that, regardless of how I previously felt about you, I'd feel degraded (only interested in me as a piece of meat) by you and I would definately not be interested in taking it further.

I hope the girl has enough self respect and self esteem to keep rejecting your advances. Pity that you don't also have a bit of respect for her!

tinkerbell

When I replied first I didn't read the full last paragraph because it was just too long-winded. I just read it now and my god OP, what were you thinking? She said no and you blabbed on that much? I hope she blocks you now, I would actually be surprised if she kept you as a friend on facebook because what you said to her is really weird ..... you clearly have no respect for her and what she thinks.

No means no, she's told you no twice already yet you kept going on about it. Leave the girl alone.

Janet1986

Unfortunately in this day and age some guys just can't take no for an answer.

I can guarantee you OP that you check her facebook constantly to see what she's up to.

If she walks into the bar one day with another guy you will get jealous and pissed off with her.

Oh yes i have seeing it many times.

Infatuation is the word and it's not healthy.

Acoshla

Hi OP,

I was just out of a 4.5 year relationship, was happy to be single and have fun, when I met my now boyfriend. There was no way in hell I was letting him slip past me, and we got together about...5 weeks after my other relationship broke up. Now to be fair I thought it would be a few weeks of fun with him, I didn't think we'd be together 3 years later, but my point is if she liked you she would have probably gone out on at least one date with you when ye met, she didn't, she has actually said no twice, she's not interested, let it go.

JonathanAnon

Oh dear, why did you say all that? Even if she does like you and does need time, she's not gonna be impressed by your ultimatum

Now as I said in my last post that I said that I would give you a month and see how you feel

I think I would just send her a message apologising for laying all that on her.. And then leave her alone.. If she wants to make contact with you after that, she will..

sam34

I'd run a mile if I got that sort of over the top intense message from someone

Adamantium

lose the ego,scarcity mindset (i.e, neediness, validation looking) and you will have no problem with women

seriously, you look for a drink with those woman(some fun,implying your fun) but instead you sabotage yourself with OTT dramatic outporing and you hardly know her; how in the name of **** would she commit to anything with you when you'll probably end up be just sucking value from her and not offering it?

get fixing it OP!

Plek Trum

Oh dear - thats the end of that.

I'm hoping you are actually very young and inexperienced in relationships / asking people out.
You wont be hearing from her again (in a good sense) and I hope you wont raise this with her if you meet her in the bar where you work. Never send a txt / msg like that to someone you are hoping to ask on a date - not attractive, odd and way over the top!

Tip: Keep it casual, friendly and easy going. Everything will fall into place if its meant to. You are obviously an ok guy if her brother inlaw approved and she was contacting you back and forth on FB.

Chin up and move on... and take it easy ;0)

thesultan

Neyite wrote: »

There is no harm in asking, and you did - twice, and both times she politely declined. Then you wrote her this:



I didnt call it a rant - I called it a tirade, you call it explaining your case. But either way, what you wrote to her does not paint you in the best light. What would you imagine her to be thinking once she has read it? (Genuine question by the way)

My ground was just to explain my case , I didn't except anything back or that she would suddenly change her mind. I thought I was just explain my views

koneko

Try to read your message objectively, it really doesn't come across the way you think it does.

Just leave it be, leave her alone, and feel lucky if she does contact you again.

tinkerbell

thesultan wrote: »

My ground was just to explain my case , I didn't except anything back or that she would suddenly change her mind. I thought I was just explain my views

If a girl rejects you, then you don't go waffling on about why you asked her in the first place. You accept the no and move on. Keep this in mind for the next time! Good luck.

Distorted

thesultan wrote: »

My ground was just to explain my case , I didn't except anything back or that she would suddenly change her mind. I thought I was just explain my views

Yes, but you have to think about how other people are going to react, not just how you feel. You never know when you will have dealings with people again, so its best to leave them with a good impression of you. ie she didn't launch into a tirade as to why she didn't want to go on a date with you - instead you got the polite version - she wasn't ready. Sorry. End of.

Even your title, "When Will She Be Ready?" - I appreciate its a bit tongue in cheek, but honestly she is not a turkey cooking in the oven. She is a person and its not a matter of her being ready, its a matter of whether she wishes to exercise her individual choice as a person to like you or not.

Its also not a race to get your "bid" in first when an attractive girl becomes single, as your message seems to imply!

thesultan

I except that I did waffle on and consider myself and not her feelings. I don't really think it was that bad . I just thought that I explain my case , there was no ill thought in it.

thesultan

Discounting the waffle that I did write I have meet up with the girl since. She has been recultant enough every time I asked her to meet. Look I meet up with her two weeks back( had a bit of a kiss and all two before that) and I stayed over at hers. Before we went up there she spotted her ex and that he was around. I took no notice of it (truth be told I don't know what he looks like). Anyway the next day I drove her car home and back again and I was on to her the other day. She said that the last time she was seen with me I caused her an amount of trouble. Now I wasn't sure what I did so I asked her ( by text now I was on the sauce after a game). Seamingly her ex dented her car and has been hassling her for four months now. Phone calls etc.. she has gone to the guards and there is a court case a brewing she told me. Now before any gives out that I'm not looking after the girls feelings, I have said nothing to her about how going out and I was JUST thinking... maybe I could ask if she wanted to go out but if she wasn't up to it I'll leave her have her peace..

Distorted

Maybe she just wants a bit of peace and quiet, without a man on the scene? And who could blame her! Have you not considered she might be getting enough hassle from her ex so as not to get more from you pestering her to be her boyfriend? Do you think by keeping on and on at her, you'll eventually persuade her to go out with you? What sort of relationship would that be? Happy ever after? She doesn't really seem to show any signs of liking you enough to go out with you, but simply seems to tolerate you occasionally.

Susie_Q

Jaypers, this poor woman. Listen, she knows that you like her. Leave her alone and she will contact you if she wants to go out with you. It's that simple.

Mr. Loverman

There's a chance she has no idea what you tried to say.

I've read and re-read your post a few times and I can't understand you.

So maybe you'll get lucky.

The best thing you can do now is back off and hope someday in the future you bump into her and she is pleased to see you.

fungun

I agree with all the above posters.

However if you want advice to try damage limitation: when did you send it, could you claim you were drunk at the time? The only way i can think to appear normal to her would be to send another text saying 'oh god, was so drunk when i sent that, can you please just ignore it? i can get a bit emotional when im drunk lol' or sth like that. However if she has any sense she will still steer clear from someone who would text that to her!

And learn from this

Miss Fluff

Jesus wept, will you leave the poor unfortunate girl alone once and for all :rolleyes:

I've been on the receiving end of your kind of bullshit and it's irritating, slightly pathetic and intrusive for the recipient of such unwanted attention.

The girl has categorically said she's not going to be getting involved and she's clearly not interested. I think it was Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That's what you're doing. And while I'm not intimating you're insane, I don't know you, I can guarantee you're coming across as slightly unhinged and someone who won't take no for an answer.

Leave her be.

elbee

OP, I'm not sure why you felt you had to explain why you asked her out again? Seems like something anyone would do.

Her response just said she wasn't ready. She didn't say 'OMG, you freak, you asked me out, you should be locked up!' So I don't know why you felt you had to bombard her with all of this.

Just leave her be. It sounds like she's been through hell lately, give her a break.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm just wondering and please don't be offended, but is English your first language? Honestly I'm just wondering if maybe there's some misunderstanding on your part in how you come across based on the language you use. Like when you say "My ground was just to explain my case" this is a really unusual thing to say because you don't have a case or grounds or any rights/entitlements whatsoever in regards to this girl. Another was when you said "when will she be ready?", now as distorted said this is a person we're talking about, not a turkey so again it's a very weird way of putting it. I'm just wondering if perhaps it could be that English isn't your first language and that you don't mean to be as derogatory as you sound?

Could this be why you may be having a hard time with the girl and also the people on this thread? It really is a very creepy and entitled way you speak of this girl. It's almost as if you feel you have some sort of entitlement or right to her and just to put it to you very plainly and very simply:

She OWES you nothing, not an explanation, an excuse, not even the time of day!!!

So please have a good think about how you see women otherwise you will end up a very lonely man. Irish women really aren't charmed by this type of behaviour we tend to be a strong and independent lot (generality I know) and being badgered just makes us see a guy as pathetic, so yeah have a good think and maybe work on respecting women?

P.S I do apologise if I'm picking you up wrong, I'm reading between the lines and just thought I should say what I think in case I'm right.

Distorted

curlzy wrote: »

Another was when you said "when will she be ready?", now as distorted said this is a person we're talking about, not a turkey so again it's a very weird way of putting it.

Indeed. The answer to that question is of course maybe never, because its not an appropriate question to ask in such circumstances. A more appropriate question might be "Does she like me?" or "Will she give me a chance?" Although I get the impression that many of the replies on here regarding the nuances of dating are going straight over the OP's head, for whatever reason.

homerjay2005

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Jesus wept, will you leave the poor unfortunate girl alone once and for all :rolleyes:

I've been on the receiving end of your kind of bullshit and it's irritating, slightly pathetic and intrusive for the recipient of such unwanted attention.

The girl has categorically said she's not going to be getting involved and she's clearly not interested. I think it was Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That's what you're doing. And while I'm not intimating you're insane, I don't know you, I can guarantee you're coming across as slightly unhinged and someone who won't take no for an answer.

Leave her be.

what aload of patronising bull. receiving end of what? spare us the drama please.

the attacks being positioned at the OP are just sickening, theres 2 sides to everything and people seem to be treating him like a lunatic. he is guilty of poor grammer and not being clear, and people are using that against him as if he is Larry murphy.

what part of the fact that they kissed and he stayed over at her house did you miss? she maybe on the rebound yes, but thats not the angle you or anybody are taking. she could clearly have told him to piss off, but she didnt.

the term "not ready" does not mean f*ck off. if the girl didnt want, she would have said no.

i may not be ready to pass an exam on monday, but if i study all week, i could pass it sometime next week. or i maybe not ready to play in a football match tomorrow due to injury, yet if i rest for a few days, i maybe ready to play next week.

jaysis, he likes a girl that may actually have some feelings towards him,nobody except that girl knows for sure. seems to me that the boyfriend is the problem and whats preventing her for letting go. if the guards are involved, that would suggest that he maybe a psycho, denting her car and all that other crap he is doing. ever thought that the girl could be afraid to get involved incase the ex harms her, or even the OP here?

this places sometimes gives me no impression other than girls coming on replying to posts doing nothing but men bashing. its the ex boygfriend that seems like a looper here, not some lad who happens to like a girl, who may have just come out of a very tramatic relationship.

condescending is another word that i would descibe this and other posts in this thread.

Ickle Magoo

homerjay2005,

If you have an issue with a post or poster, please use the report function rather than dragging the thread off-topic flaming other posters or back-seat modding.

Folks,

As per the forum charter - all advice should be civil, mature and constructive for the OP, if you can't do that then kindly refrain from posting.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

homerjay2005

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

homerjay2005,

If you have an issue with a post or poster, please use the report function rather than dragging the thread off-topic flaming other posters or back-seat modding.

is this not an opinion forum?why do i need to report a post, that i dont agree with, am i not allowed to express an opinion?

people are allowed to lash all sorts of accusations at the OP, yet nobody is allowed to defend him?

right, gotcha.

Ickle Magoo

homerjay2005 wrote: »

is this not an opinion forum?why do i need to report a post, that i dont agree with, am i not allowed to express an opinion?

people are allowed to lash all sorts of accusations at the OP, yet nobody is allowed to defend him?

right, gotcha.

This isn't an opinion on PI nor other posters forum, nor is it an attack/defence forum - it's an advice forum. Posts should be directed at the OP and offering constructive advice. If you have an issue with another post or poster you think breaches the forum rules, you report it and let the mods deal with it - as per site rules.

And as per the forum rules you have been linked to:

Any problems with the moderators then feel free to PM us. If you are still unhappy then start a thread in the Dispute Resolution Forum

Questioning a mod action in a thread in the Personal Issues forum is considered off topic and unhelpful posting and may result in a ban from the forum.