Drinking

LegacyUser

I drink most nights. Myself and Ms SMTAEC would open a bottle of wine every night. And then I'd look after the second one myself pretty much. It's Friday night and I'm actually just finishing bottle 3 (she helped with with the first 2 tbh but that's unusual).

I know I drink too much. But I enjoy my couple of glasses of wine every night and then the next couple. I don't get hammered drunk and I go to bed and get up at 7am every day for work. And yes I know I'm describing myself someone with a drink problem.

I've occasionally said I'll quit for a week, for January, for whatever; and then I don't.

I considered AA before but I have a big problem with steps 2-12 ... namely the religious aspect of AA. I do not believe in a higher power so won't turn to one.

I quit smoking 19 months ago cold turkey and that was not easy. But I did it all by myself. However for drinking I feel I need help. This may not be allowed in PI but I would really appreciate some pointers towards non-religious-AA support for quitting drinking.

IrishEyes19

SMTAEC wrote: »

I drink most nights. Myself and Ms SMTAEC would open a bottle of wine every night. And then I'd look after the second one myself pretty much. It's Friday night and I'm actually just finishing bottle 3 (she helped with with the first 2 tbh but that's unusual).

I know I drink too much. But I enjoy my couple of glasses of wine every night and then the next couple. I don't get hammered drunk and I go to bed and get up at 7am every day for work. And yes I know I'm describing myself someone with a drink problem.

I've occasionally said I'll quit for a week, for January, for whatever; and then I don't.

I considered AA before but I have a big problem with steps 2-12 ... namely the religious aspect of AA. I do not believe in a higher power so won't turn to one.

I quit smoking 19 months ago cold turkey and that was not easy. But I did it all by myself. However for drinking I feel I need help. This may not be allowed in PI but I would really appreciate some pointers towards non-religious-AA support for quitting drinking.

Im not really aware of the religious aspect surrounding the AA, but could you honestly not just put aside your religious differences or non interest and do this because it could potentially save your life and your partner's well being.

If you really have a problem, the getting help is the solution. And to be honest I think its more fear than actual dislike of the religious aspect thats convinving you to go to the AA. Im sure the main focus there will be solely on helping you with your addiction and not trying to get you back into the church,

that said, there are other types of rehab also I am sure. If you look around and talk to someone about it. The AA isnt the only option Id imagine

Johnny Favourite

I was in a similar boat as yourself. Went to AA for six months. They say you can just ignore the God part but you can't. The very central tenant of AA is to turn you life over to God (who ever that may be... bull****).

With saying that they are all very friendly people and they mean well. I just couldn't listen to the God stuff day in day out.

Research "The Sinclair Method" ....changed my life.

Good luck.

brokensoul

Hi, well done on taking the first step of looking for help.

To be honest, I wouldnt get too hung up on whether or not you are an alcoholic or not. If you feel that you need to stop drinking then that is enough, dont worry about the label.

I have been sober for almost 4 years now ( 1315 days to be exact, but whose counting!) and I found that the most important thing for me was to get some distence from alcohol. I drank every day, and I was terrified of not drinking. For me, every day that I went without alcohol gave me strength. At the start, i thought i couldnt go 24 hours without drink, but i managed it. Then i got to 48 hours, then to 72 hours etc etc.

If you can ask your wife to help you, to distract you even, then it may help to loosen the grip that alcohol has on you.

I went to AA for help. I went to a meeting every day for the first 90 days. To be honest, I found the distraction of going to meetings and the comfort of the nice people far more useful than the actual content of the programme. I wasnt really hung up on the religious aspect, but if it is a real problem for you then i think there are other non religious groups out there. Also, some AA meetings are more religious than others - it may be worth your while trying a few and seeing if you can find one that suits you.

I rarely go to meeting any more, but i did learn alot from them. The two most important things for me were

1. You can have a fantastic life without alcohol and

2. You should count your blessings every day, even on really crap days.

Good luck with it!

Diddler1977

Lifering - an alternative to AA
http://lifering.org/if-this-is-day-one/

LegacyUser

OP here.

@IrishEyes: religious differences or non interest? AA is based on a god as a higher power. I don't believe there is one. That's not a "religious difference" - I am an atheist. Should I spell out why that might be a problem?

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Does that sound like something an atheist would be happy with? You should read the AA 12 steps before you reply to this one again.

@Johnny Favourite: That's exactly what I mean re: AA. But the Sinclair Method is a non-runner. I not disposed to substituting one drug for another. I didn't do NRT for quitting smoking. I devised my own self-help group and just quit. If there was a Quit Drinking forum here I'd probably use that successfully.

@brokensoul: Thanks for the support. I'm not hung up on a label: I didn't say I'm an alcoholic - I said I've a drink problem. Labels are counter-productive in my experience. . Drink doesn't rule my life. But I drink to much and I'm finding it hard to stop drinking. That's a problem. Your experience is pretty much how I quit smoking too - one day at a time. And I'd like to use that approach to stopping drinking. But I feel I need support and AA is not where I would turn to.

@Diddler1977: That looks good. I may get in contact with a group. Thanks

Thanks all. I hope to follow through on this.

username123

OP - I was/am a member of Alanon and am an atheist. Its a similar 12 step program - but for those affected by anothers drinking - its 12 steps are based on AA's. Its not a religious thing thats going on, its a spiritual one. I found it useful to substitute evolution/nature/the universe as the higher power. I really didnt find an issue with that aspect of the group, religion is not what its about, just an acceptance of the belief that there is a higher power than you - which (to me anyway) seems like a reasonable thing to accept - I am not the highest power in the universe!!

Have you actually tried an AA meeting? Some are no doubt more 'religious' than others - certainly in the experience of other members of Alanon (some of whom attended both) there was a lot of variation in different groups. Perhaps you could try one before writing it off because of a percieved religious aspect?

Your last post caught my attention, you say you dont want to do AA, you dont want to do the Sinclair method, you dont want to have a label - tbh, as the child of an alcoholic this reasoning sounds very familiar!!! Its much easier to say the cure wont suit, the label wont suit, rather than actually get to grips with the problem.

What is there to lose from trying AA? You can go to a meeting, see what you think - one of the 'sayings' is 'take what you want, leave the rest behind' - so why not go and leave what you perceive as the religious bit behind? Take from the other parts, interacting with people who have successfully gotten off the drink, using the mechanics of group therapy to get to the root of why you drink so much, learning coping and avoidance mechanisms to get you on the right track, taking support from people who you can relate to? For the hour it would take you to check it out, youve nothing to lose. Another saying is 'if you dont like the meeting we will refund you your misery on the way out' - your misery is all you have to lose.

Johnny Favourite

OP I must agree with the above poster. I did try allot of different methods before I found one that suited me. I would try as many as you can before writing them off.

LegacyUser

Just an alternative perspective...

About three years ago, I could have posted what you wrote. Evening wine was a daily habit and I also got drunk at least twice a week, and I'd been doing that for years. I had a underlying perception that I was alcoholic, that I was afraid to address.

My relationship broke down - though not related to drink - but with the grief, I couldn't eat etc., and I was afraid that if I drank myself through the crisis I would go insane/get really ill, so I gave myself a no drink for a month rule - then I lasted six weeks off the drink. That was three years ago. I still drink about once a month, but drink no longer appeals the way it did - when I got used to sobriety I found it a comfortable place to be - it was literally a matter of 'breaking the habit' - something which years of conditioning of Irish society had given me. It took alot of reading up on drink and talking to people who weren't drinkers to reinforce my decision, but after the first few weeks, it was surprisingly easy.

So, you've identified the problem. Now act on it. Maybe you need AA; I wouldn't go there personally, as the AA people I know seem very single-minded and brainwashed - and the trick to giving up drink may be to learn to enjoy without it, as opposed to building a life centred around it's absence? Try having faith in your own ability to change - reward yourself for every opportunity to drink that you pass up & eventually sobriety - and feeling great everyday - becomes it's own reward.

Seraphina

I'm not an alcoholic, but I could definitely see issues with AA if you're a non-believer of any kind. There is certainly a religious aspect to the 12 steps, and even if you find a meeting that isn't all about the promotion of god, there is always that underlying element of religious or spiritual belief.

The other thing about AA is that even if you substitute God for mother nature/something else you come up with, the basic premise of AA is that you are weak and unable to quit drinking by yourself, you NEED this higher power.

To me, that is a counter productive attitude to have. To replace one thing that you perceive you 'need' with another, like your higher power.

OP tbh, I know you think you need help, but look at it this way. You quit smoking all by yourself. Now I know you think you can't quit drinking by yourself, but nicotine is actually a far more addictive substance. I would also imagine it is a far more difficult substance to avoid, as simply walking down the street the smell of it can be everywhere from other people's cigs. While drinking is a socially difficult situation to avoid, it's also not as 'in your face' to be standing around with a person holding a drinking in their hand.

I don't think you need help, you've obviously got the willpower. What you need is something to do in the evenings rather than sitting in front of the tv with a bottle of wine. So out come all the cliched PI suggestions, like join a club, start to get fit in the evenings, join a class, whatever.

Try to encourage your missus to do it with you - even something simple like start walking in the evenings after work, it's the perfect time of year to do it.

If the bottle of wine does come out some evening when you're having a nice dinner or watching a movie, don't run away. Stick to one bottle between you max, and leave it at that.

In my mind, AA gives you a very bad attitude towards alcohol, and is better suited to SERIOUS alcoholics, the kind that will destroy their liver with another few glasses. AA implies that you can't control yourself and can never drink again or your life will be ruined.

Regain control, but do not blame the drink. Do not assume it controls you and do not let it. Remember, each glass is your choice.

Baked.noodle

I have only been to a few AA meetings and there really wasn’t much higher power stuff. I think building relationships with non drinkers would be beneficial for you, so AA would be one place to meet them. I don’t drink anymore, but to be truthful I was never addicted to alcohol. You probably are not addicted either as you have to drink a lot of spirits to become physically addicted. You can quit but you need to want to quit. Take the money you spend on wine and save it for something special. After a few months off the drink it will get tough, but don’t give in if you slip. Go to AA and keep going if you need to. It’s kind of like Mass, half the people there only buy into half the story. You can do it, and you will never look back.

It is likely your drinking will continue to increase if you continue as you do. You already know this, and this is why you need to deal with sooner rather than later. Cutting down may only work temporarily.

brokensoul

Baked.noodle wrote: »

I have only been to a few AA meetings and there really wasn’t much higher power stuff. I think building relationships with non drinkers would be beneficial for you, so AA would be one place to meet them. I don’t drink anymore, but to be truthful I was never addicted to alcohol. You probably are not addicted either as you have to drink a lot of spirits to become physically addicted. You can quit but you need to want to quit. Take the money you spend on wine and save it for something special. After a few months off the drink it will get tough, but don’t give in if you slip. Go to AA and keep going if you need to. It’s kind of like Mass, half the people there only buy into half the story. You can do it, and you will never look back.

It is likely your drinking will continue to increase if you continue as you do. You already know this, and this is why you need to deal with sooner rather than later. Cutting down may only work temporarily.

That isnt true. I was completely and utterly addicted to alcohol and I didnt drink spirits.

@Seraphina- for an alcoholic, the first glass is a choice. The ones after that are not. That is why I cant have the first glass!

Also, I have given up cigs and alcohol and hand on heart the latter was much much harder. Smoking is not considered part of every social function in this country in the same way as alcohol is.

Finally, the only difference between a SERIOUS alcoholic and any other type of alcoholic is time.

Baked.noodle

brokensoul wrote: »

That isnt true. I was completely and utterly addicted to alcohol and I didnt drink spirits.

I was referring to chronic alcoholism, where a physical addiction has taken hold and the withdrawal can kill you. Fair play to you for overcoming your alcoholism.

brokensoul

Baked.noodle wrote: »

I was referring to chronic alcoholism, where a physical addiction has taken hold and the withdrawal can kill you. Fair play to you for overcoming your alcoholism.

Thank you.

I was phyically addicted to alcohol though, despite not drinking spirits. I was medicated by my GP when I stopped drinking because he was worried that withdrawal might kill me.

I had the doctor and the priest at my bedside this day 4 years ago, having been almost admitted to a psychiatric hospital. My mother convinced them that if they released me to her care she would look after me.

A very very dark day, but thankfully every day since has been brighter.

LegacyUser

Hey there,

this might sound simplistic but do you have lots of wine in your house?

Friends I know who drink in the evenings always have a drink's cabinet to hand, beer in the fridge or bottles of wine under the stairs - so drinking every evening became habitual.

Sounds like it's a habit rather than an addiction (sorry, I could be very wrong).

I lived with one of these friends and had a couple of beers most evenings.

Living on my own, I find that I don't drink that much at all. If i do feel like a beer, I buy a bottle to have with dinner. I rarely by a six pack and never a crate.

So, my simplistic bit of advice to you would be: get rid of all the acohol from your house to start with. Not having it there might be just the kick start you need.

LegacyUser

@username123: I can't make this any clearer. I do not accept that there is a higher power guiding anything. I am the highest power in my own life! Any program that involves/invokes/accepts a higher power than me is not an option. Try reading my two posts again. I am not going to substitute one addiction for another. That includes both a drug therapy and a faith based therapy. I accept I need help in a support group that is not faith based or drug based but you choose to interpret that as a negative thing. I came on here in full acceptance of my problem and seeking a non faith based alternative which I may have found in lifering. Your criticism is water off a ducks back to me tbh and while you are free to keep posting in the thread I won't be reading your posts anymore.

@Seraphina: You have summed it up very well for me. I have the will power. I just need somewhere to talk it through.
The missus isn't a problem. She would quit if I did and not miss it. tbh she only has a glass of wine because I've bought the bottle.
I do not blame the drink at all. Just like I never blamed the cigarette. I choose to smoke and then I chose not to smoke so I stopped smoking. Same with drink. Maybe I'm just not in the same place yet but I'm certainly on the road to it.

@brokensoul: I agree completely - the hardest one to avoid is the first one. The rest follow from that. That's how I quit smoking - I just didn't have that first smoke. When you don't have that one it's easy. I'm trying to put the same approach to drinking.

@hayhayheay: No but there's lots of wine in the supermarket. As above it is a habit - you're right. But habits can be very hard to break.

I may start a thread under my actual boards account. Not sure which forum tho. It might help - it certainly wouldn't hurt. I'm not sure I have the balls to do that though. We'll see.

username123

SMTAEC wrote: »

@username123: I can't make this any clearer. I do not accept that there is a higher power guiding anything. I am the highest power in my own life! Any program that involves/invokes/accepts a higher power than me is not an option. Try reading my two posts again. I am not going to substitute one addiction for another. That includes both a drug therapy and a faith based therapy. I accept I need help in a support group that is not faith based or drug based but you choose to interpret that as a negative thing. I came on here in full acceptance of my problem and seeking a non faith based alternative which I may have found in lifering. Your criticism is water off a ducks back to me tbh and while you are free to keep posting in the thread I won't be reading your posts anymore.

Cool - best of luck addressing your issue.

brokensoul

SMTAEC wrote: »

@username123: I can't make this any clearer. I do not accept that there is a higher power guiding anything. I am the highest power in my own life! Any program that involves/invokes/accepts a higher power than me is not an option. Try reading my two posts again. I am not going to substitute one addiction for another. That includes both a drug therapy and a faith based therapy. I accept I need help in a support group that is not faith based or drug based but you choose to interpret that as a negative thing. I came on here in full acceptance of my problem and seeking a non faith based alternative which I may have found in lifering. Your criticism is water off a ducks back to me tbh and while you are free to keep posting in the thread I won't be reading your posts anymore.

.

Hi again.

Would you consider one on one addiction counselling? There are many counsellors who would be willing to work with you on the triggers for your drinking and who would not link not drinking to any higher power.

It might be worth considering.

mikemac

I know a bit about drinking wine coming home from work.

I've never gone to any meetings.

But can you work through it by changing your routine

Like I'd leave work stressed and pissed off and stop in the offie on the way home "sure don't I deserve a treat"

But I started cycling to and from work and there's no way I'm stepping into a shop in shorts and a hi-vis jacket dripping sweat.
And with the cycling, took up running.

I think a lot of the drinking is not because of any addiction, it's just to distract yourself.
And coming home staring at the four walls would turn people to drink

Can you and the Mrs go walking in the evenings?

LegacyUser

brokensoul wrote: »

Hi, well done on taking the first step of looking for help.

To be honest, I wouldnt get too hung up on whether or not you are an alcoholic or not. If you feel that you need to stop drinking then that is enough, dont worry about the label.

I have been sober for almost 4 years now ( 1315 days to be exact, but whose counting!) and I found that the most important thing for me was to get some distence from alcohol. I drank every day, and I was terrified of not drinking. For me, every day that I went without alcohol gave me strength. At the start, i thought i couldnt go 24 hours without drink, but i managed it. Then i got to 48 hours, then to 72 hours etc etc.

If you can ask your wife to help you, to distract you even, then it may help to loosen the grip that alcohol has on you.

I went to AA for help. I went to a meeting every day for the first 90 days. To be honest, I found the distraction of going to meetings and the comfort of the nice people far more useful than the actual content of the programme. I wasnt really hung up on the religious aspect, but if it is a real problem for you then i think there are other non religious groups out there. Also, some AA meetings are more religious than others - it may be worth your while trying a few and seeing if you can find one that suits you.

I rarely go to meeting any more, but i did learn alot from them. The two most important things for me were

1. You can have a fantastic life without alcohol and

2. You should count your blessings every day, even on really crap days.

Good luck with it!

Hi,
Can you recommend any good counsellors in Dublin City Centre or surrounding area?
Thanks

brokensoul

Boozher wrote: »

Hi,
Can you recommend any good counsellors in Dublin City Centre or surrounding area?
Thanks

Hi

I am based in the South of Ireland so I dont have any idea about counsellors in Dublin im afraid.

Can anyone else on here help?