My boyfriend taking another girl to her debs?

_mocha_

This probably sounds really trivial, but my boyfriend is taking one of his girl friends to her debs.
Normally I wouldn't mind, except she treats him like he's single. She puts little kisses at the end of texts to him, when she asked him to go she was totally flirting with him, and she has loads of other SINGLE guys she could have asked.

She didn't even mention the fact that he's in a relationship when she asked him, and doesn't seem to care whether or not it bothers me.

He asked me first if I'm ok with it, and I said yes, but now I'm really regretting it. I'm pretty sure she's going to try something on him. :-/

Should I just leave it happen or stop him from going?

LegacyUser

too late now, he asked you and you said yes...this is a case where you just have to trust your boyfriend but with so many mutual friends around it's unlikely he or she will do anything to upset you. Rent a good movie for the night and just forget about him for that one night, he'll probably like you more for not being needy and jealous.
if I had been in your boyfriend's situation I would have said no, If I had been in your situation I would have said no when he asked and he did have the decency to ask. You just have to remind yourself that you are the one who said yes and by changing your mind you'll ruin the girls debs which would be very nasty,

Kimia

I would be uncomfortable with this. I would tell my boyfriend that I feel uncomfortable and that the reason you said that it wasn't a problem was because you were put on the spot, but now that you've had time to think you think it's a bad idea.

He can then just tell yer one that he forgot he actually already has plans or something..

LegacyUser

I asked one of my best male friends to my debs. He had a girlfriend at the time. I would really hope I wouldn't have annoyed her.

We'd been friends a long time, I knew I'd be well looked after, comfortable and we'd have a good time. I had zero designs on him.
I know you may be mad about him, but he may just be her friend? There my not be an ulterior motive.

IrishEyes19

Kimia wrote: »

I would be uncomfortable with this. I would tell my boyfriend that I feel uncomfortable and that the reason you said that it wasn't a problem was because you were put on the spot, but now that you've had time to think you think it's a bad idea.

He can then just tell yer one that he forgot he actually already has plans or something..

thats a dirty move, Kimia, the debs could be less than a week away for all we know and then "yer one" :rolleyes: is left hanging. The issue here is with the OP trusting her boyfriend. In most cases, dates unless their actually dating seperate on the night and go chatting to friends, dancing, ect. It doesnt mean anything is actually going to happen.

I would ask do you trust your bf, OP, because it takes two to tango.

Kimia

That's a bit harsh IrishEyes - to call it a 'dirty' move. All I said is that it would make me feel uncomfortable - and to be honest how another girl feels about that, a girl who has been disrespectful to our relationship by flirting, including kisses in text etc, wouldn't really bother me.

I mean, I think it's odd that she's asked another girl's boyfriend to her debs. What's that all about? It's strange, let's call a spade a spade.

tinkerbell

That's not very nice to be honest, your boyfriend has already got a girlfriend and he's going to the debs with another girl? That's just really weird .... if they were just friends and there was no worries that the girl didn't have a hidden agenda, well it would still be strange, but the fact that this girl flirts / treats the guy like he's single is out of order, in fairness.

And I agree with Kimia - a girl asking another girl's boyfriend to her debs is fecked up tbh.

IrishEyes19

Kimia wrote: »

That's a bit harsh IrishEyes - to call it a 'dirty' move. All I said is that it would make me feel uncomfortable - and to be honest how another girl feels about that, a girl who has been disrespectful to our relationship by flirting, including kisses in text etc, wouldn't really bother me.

I mean, I think it's odd that she's asked another girl's boyfriend to her debs. What's that all about? It's strange, let's call a spade a spade.

Sorry Kimia, honestly no offence meant and poor choice of word on my part. I just think he made a promise to a girl and telling her he had other plans would be poorly.

I also think, a debs is just a debs, its just the done thing to go with a date and if its up to him to behave himself, not the girl he's with

WindSock

What does your bf think, and how did you know she was flirty when she asked?

Count Duckula

Well we only have the OP's word that this girl is incessantly flirting with her boyfriend. I mean, I put kisses on the end of texts to all my friends - it's hardly an uncommon thing. Unless the OP knows for a fact that this girl doesn't put kisses on the end of her texts to other close friends, then that seems something silly to get worked up about.

It seems to me that the OP is a little insecure in her relationship and that she has a fundemental lack of trust where her boyfriend is concerned. She thinks that this girl will try something, and she's obviously worried that he will let her.

Esoteric_

I don't think it's bad to ask a guy to your debs if he has a girlfriend. One of my ex's mates asked him to hers because he was a mate that she trusted to look after her and I didn't care.

That said, if the girl in question IS flirting with the OP's boyfriend, then he should have had the cop on to go because asking the OP if he can go is making HER look like the bad one if she says no. It's not all about a lack of trust, I trust my boyfriend 100% but I sure as hell wouldn't let him go to a party or debs or whatever with a girl that flirts with him because even though I believe he wouldn't reciprocate, I wouldn't want all the drama that comes with a possible 'throwing herself on him' situation.

booboo88

Some people just put kisses at the end of their texts? I think it would be quite bad to back out after saying yes. It is her debs ffs, I never went to mine as my boyfriend at the time didnt want to go, and my male friend had a girlfriend, now I have NO intention of ever getting with him, but to others it may be seen as flirting the way we act towards each other, as we were close but all it ever was a friendship.
Its a bit sad you dont really trust your boyfriend with no reason to?

_mocha_

booboo88

Its a bit sad you dont really trust your boyfriend with no reason to?

count duckula

she has a fundemental lack of trust where her boyfriend is concerned

They're both very strong and untrue statements.
I do trust my bf, and I know he wouldn't do anything. My problem was with the girl who asked him, I don't think anybody would like someone coming onto their bf, whether or not the feelings were reciprocated.

Thank you to everyone who replied, I don't want to leave the girl without a date so close to her debs, so despite me not being happy about it, he's going to go with her.

I am a friend

_mocha_ wrote: »

My problem was with the girl who asked him, I don't think anybody would like someone coming onto their bf, whether or not the feelings were reciprocated.

I am not clear why your bf wanted to go in the first place...

tinkerbell

I am a friend wrote: »

I am not clear why your bf wanted to go in the first place...

Yeah why is your boyfriend even going?

Chucky the tree

I am a friend wrote: »

I am not clear why your bf wanted to go in the first place...

Because a friend asked him to go. Also chances are he'll know a lot of other people at the Debs so I'm sure he thinks it would be good fun.

booboo88

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Because a friend asked him to go. Also chances are he'll know a lot of other people at the Debs so I'm sure he thinks it would be good fun.

_mocha_ wrote: »

booboo88

count duckula

They're both very strong and untrue statements.
I do trust my bf, and I know he wouldn't do anything. My problem was with the girl who asked him, I don't think anybody would like someone coming onto their bf, whether or not the feelings were reciprocated.

Thank you to everyone who replied, I don't want to leave the girl without a date so close to her debs, so despite me not being happy about it, he's going to go with her.

To be honest, it was your decision to say it was ok, and if you trust him there shouldnt be an issue. What might be flirting to you, could be a bubly personality to the next person. But you said yourself he wont do anything?

_mocha_

booboo88

you said yourself he wont do anything?

As I stated above, my problem is with the girl, not my boyfriend. I know he won't do anything, but I'm afraid SHE will. That would put a strain on any relationship. You know?

And he's going with her because he's totally oblivious to her overly affectionate ways. Plus he's the nicest guy ever and doesn't want to hurt her feelings or leave her down.:-/

MightyMighty737

How long have you being going out with this guy OP?

_mocha_

MightyMighty737 wrote: »

How long have you being going out with this guy OP?

Nearly 2 years.

Ben Dover and Phil McCock

He's going to cheat on you eventually if he wants.

(meaning it makes no difference if he goes or not).

I am a friend

It doesn't add up. If you didn't trust this girl before why did you say it was with you that he goes?

Also ifyou trust your bf, why do you care if she makes a mOve?

LegacyUser

_mocha_ wrote: »

Should I just leave it happen or stop him from going?

I'd stop him from going if I were you. Letting your boyfriend go to a debs with another girl means that you don't value yourself enough i.e. your feelings aren't that important. Your feelings ARE important so tell your boyfriend how you feel. He hasn't done anything wrong in any way, and has been completely open with you, so you should be open with him.

That other girl sounds like a right wagon by the way!

Alter-Ego

unregistered wrote: »

I'd stop him from going if I were you. Letting your boyfriend go to a debs with another girl means that you don't value yourself enough i.e. your feelings aren't that important. Your feelings ARE important so tell your boyfriend how you feel. He hasn't done anything wrong in any way, and has been completely open with you, so you should be open with him.

That other girl sounds like a right wagon by the way!

Telling him that you're not "letting" him go won't go down too well, OP.

It's only a debs. Most people, in my experience, take people they're not romantically or sexually involved with.

I think asking your BF not to go would cause more drama between you, him and herself, than him going with this girl who MIGHT have a thing for him. If you actually trust him, it should be fine.

_mocha_

Thanks everyone, I think you're all right and it does come down to trust..So, I'm not going to say anything or worry about it anymore. If anything happens, it happens, and I'll just deal with it then. Thank you all!