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  • 05-08-2011 10:45am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    HI I have a bit of a problem. I met a beautiful gir at 18, we started going out at 19 and 20 years three kids and a house later we are still together. I adore her. Here is the problem. She has a habit of flying off the handle, with me, the kids etc and when she does she is liable to say anything. No I don't mind if we are having a row and she tells me to go cop on/shove it etc but the other night she swore at me like a sailor in front of the kids, youngest is 8. Now I know kids hear all sort in the schools etc but I have a thing about this. I will never call her anything derogatory in front of them and I never let them speak in a disrespectful way to their mother. This is the latest in a long list of times that she has just verbally unloaded on me and on previous occaisions she told me to get over it. I told her it is a respect thing but she scoffs at it. She is a usually normal, college educated lady. The other night the last thing my kids heard before bed was her telling me that i was "nothing but a f*@king sh1t" a "useless Bast*@d". (This was because I forgot to pick up something in town) AM I blowing this out of all proportion or is it a principle worth the argument? any help advice would be appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I dont think you are blowing it out of proportion. Myself and my partner have a basic rule in the relationship - no name calling -ever, and no shouting. We are not paragons, we are normal people with normal temperments and when a tough discussion is on the table, it can be hard not to keep it civilised, but we do because we both appreciate the mature approach. If it gets too heated we park it for a while and come back to it with a cooler head.

    I can understand after 20 years habits have set in, but you need to make her understand that this method of communication is not on. When things are not heated, suggest a new house rule that applies to everybody, and if everyone is in agreement, implement it right away for all.

    then next time just walk away when she shouts or calls you a name -tell her that you will speak to her when she is ready to talk civilly and refuse to engage in futher shouted/abusive communication. she will soon realise that if she wants to discuss something with you, or have you hear her side of things, that she needs to do it with a calm approach.


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