Attention on sister

Charlie1221

This is probably a ridiculous problem but I would just like peoples opinions on how to handle it. When my boyfriend and my sister are around each other they really seem to click and he seems really eager to please her by making her laugh or showing off in some way. If we are out for a meal I notice all his conversation and eye contact are with her and I feel invisible. She is very attractive so I'm becoming worried that he fancies her. I want to be able to enjoy their company without feeling uneasy. She has a boyfriend. Do I just need to put it out of my head or does it mean anything? I don't need all his attention when we are out of course but i don't want to feel invisible either! When I mentioned it to him he got quite annoyed and said he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Any advice appreciated thanks

I am a friend

Are you typically jealous wtih him or ex partners? If not, then maybe your gut is telling you something.

Who do you not trust? Him or your sister?

Dont want to scare you but know of a few true stories where in laws were having affairs.

Charlie1221

I am a friend wrote: »

Are you typically jealous wtih him or ex partners? If not, then maybe your gut is telling you something.

Who do you not trust? Him or your sister?

Dont want to scare you but know of a few true stories where in laws were having affairs.

Yes I have been hurt in the past so I am more on alert in this relationship than usual. I really trust them both that nothing would actually ever happen it's just I'd like to feel comfortable around them and not uneasy. It's more the attention he's giving her than a possible affair. That probably sounds silly

DangerMouse27

Maybe he is doing it to impress you by how much he gets on with your family? he might not have female friends he can have a laugh with like you or your sister.

Dont get all paranoid though and ruin what sounds like a nice relationship

Ickle Magoo

He may fancy her of course - but you also have to consider the possibility that both her and himself being attached means they are able to have a more open and less guarded relationship.

Could it be that you are taking a back-seat in proceedings in order to watch them and as a result they are carrying the majority of the conversation and interaction - and that is creating a cycle you don't like? Perhaps get involved a bit more when you are all together and see if that helps?

All the best

Charlie1221

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Maybe he is doing it to impress you by how much he gets on with your family? he might not have female friends he can have a laugh with like you or your sister.

Dont get all paranoid though and ruin what sounds like a nice relationship

Thanks it could definitely be something as simple as that. That's how I'm going to view it going forward!

DangerMouse27

Ha its exactly what i did when i met my ex gfs sister and she was a twin. Just wanted my ex to see that i liked her family and you know what? she repayed it in kind. Made the effort trying to get to know my brother and my mother.

Magicmatilda

Charlie1221 wrote: »

When I mentioned it to him he got quite annoyed and said he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

That is the bit that would annoy me. If I am insecure about something and I say it to my boyfriend in a reasonable manner then he will do his best to put my mind at ease. Now it all depends on how and what you said to him but shouldn't he be trying to make you more comfortable. Why not just say no I don't fancy her, I am just being nice to her for your sake?? Now obviousely if you are a very insecure person who is always questioning him I can understand the above response, are you?

gargleblaster

Magicmatilda wrote: »

That is the bit that would annoy me. If I am insecure about something and I say it to my boyfriend in a reasonable manner then he will do his best to put my mind at ease. Now it all depends on how and what you said to him but shouldn't he be trying to make you more comfortable. Why not just say no I don't fancy her, I am just being nice to her for your sake?? Now obviousely if you are a very insecure person who is always questioning him I can understand the above response, are you?

This. His defensiveness would be a big red flag to me.

It might be nothing to worry about but if someone expressed annoyance or irritation at my sharing a concern for the first time I'd just cut my losses and leave. If I was going on and on I'd understand, but just mentioning it once? I'd have no time for that. To me, that smacks of having no concern at all for your feelings, so the other implications would only be a secondary concern at that point.

Count Duckula

The best person to judge whether they're clicking is you. Listen to your gut.

They may not ever do anything because she has a boyfriend and he's with you, but if it looks like they're "clicking" then they probably are. You have to ask yourself whether you can cope with a man who seems to find you "second best", in that when he's presented with an opportunity to flirt with your sister he does so and excludes you from the conversation.

Have you considered what might happen if your sister suddenly became single and available again? If when you consider that scenario there's even the slightest doubt in your mind that he might not remain faithful to you, then get rid of him.

Life's too short to be unhappy or worried about relationships.

LegacyUser

It's easy for him to feel comfortable with her because she's seen as a "safe female", she's your sister so he can let his guard down and enjoy her company without being seen as a guy who's trying to chat her up, he's your boyfriend she's your sister. Trust them both and enjoy the fact that when you're out you may actually see the best of him because he feels comfortable. I have been in a similar situation as your boyfriend and to be honest being asked if I'm flirting or attracted to my sister in law would come across as insulting and confusing, it's just a very safe way to be yourself around a woman, you should be pleased she likes him. If you make an issue out of it you could destroy how comfortable they both feel but you may also make him uncomfortable being friendly to your family in general.

LegacyUser

Charlie1221 wrote: »

If we are out for a meal I notice all his conversation and eye contact are with her and I feel invisible. She is very attractive

If that even happened once I'd be out. There's this little thing called respect, and I will no longer tolerate a lack of it. As a girl I did put up with a lot of that. But as a woman? Forget that.

Chucky the tree

Magicmatilda wrote: »

That is the bit that would annoy me. If I am insecure about something and I say it to my boyfriend in a reasonable manner then he will do his best to put my mind at ease. Now it all depends on how and what you said to him but shouldn't he be trying to make you more comfortable. Why not just say no I don't fancy her, I am just being nice to her for your sake?? Now obviousely if you are a very insecure person who is always questioning him I can understand the above response, are you?

I think a lot of people would be pretty pissed off if they were accused of flirting with their other half's sister. I'm sure the OP's boyfriend would have hoped his girlfriend would have give him a lot more credit then doing something like that. She basically accused him of being an asshole.

gypsy_rose

Would you feel the same way if you thought you were more attractive than your sister?

I don't know OP, he may have reacted angrily out of shock, I think maybe he's just trying to get on well with your family because that makes everything easier for everybody.

I think the test here would be if you bring him out with some friends of yours who are attractive and see how he acts around them. If you feel the same way again then maybe he's not a good boyfriend and not totally loyal to you, but if he doesn't I really think it's just his way of being friendly.

When my boyfriend met my brother for the first time they talked all night and I literally could not get a word in, but they just got on as really good friends, it wasn't because my bf doesn't like me or isn't interested in me, he just really enjoyed talking to him.

If it was another girl I would be more annoyed but since it's your sister I think maybe you should let it go a little bit.

Charlie1221

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

He may fancy her of course - but you also have to consider the possibility that both her and himself being attached means they are able to have a more open and less guarded relationship.

Could it be that you are taking a back-seat in proceedings in order to watch them and as a result they are carrying the majority of the conversation and interaction - and that is creating a cycle you don't like? Perhaps get involved a bit more when you are all together and see if that helps?

All the best

Yes that's probably a good point too! The last time we were out I was definitely spending more time observing them than joining in. I will give that a go thanks so much