Messy situation with wife + two girlfriends

LegacyUser

I am the last person people would expect to get into this situation but here I am.

5 years ago I got married to my wife after dating for about 3 years. We are still very affectionate and we have a strong relationship in many ways.

However, 2 years ago I met another girl and we started sleeping together. She is from another country so we met for holidays and weekends away. She is actually the niece of an ex-girlfriend so we had to keep it a secret from everybody.

I never told my girlfriend about my wife so she always harbours hopes of us getting married and living together.

Last month I was on a short holiday alone and I met another girl and we ended up in bed for a wild week. Confusingly she has the same name as my girlfriend. I did tell her I already have a girlfriend (but not a wife) and she didn't seem to care. However, she now seems to have fallen for me and wants to fly over and meet me often.

I think it is time to break up with my first girlfriend but I am really worried about the effect it will have on her. She is alone working in a country far from her home. I like her a lot and I already tried to break up a few times to give her the opportunity to have a real relationship but she was too upset and I caved in. My head is wrecked.

Gaz

Fredanon wrote: »

I think it is time to break up with my first girlfriend ....

Eh ... what about your WIFE ??

ManOfMystery

I'm almost tempted to call 'troll' on this one.

Fredanon wrote: »

My head is wrecked.

That's generally what happens when you get married to someone and then conduct 2 affairs behind her back.

gerryk

Not sure what advice you're looking for, but my instinctual response would probably get me banned, so I'm saying nothing.

LittleBook

Fredanon wrote: »

I think it is time to break up with my first girlfriend but I am really worried about the effect it will have on her.

Don't worry OP. Just explain to her that you've been lying to her for two years, that you have a wife you've been cheating on and have found a new girlfriend to replace her ... she'll be glad to see the back of you.

liz2

gerryk wrote: »

Not sure what advice you're looking for, but my instinctual response would probably get me banned, so I'm saying nothing.

ditto

Esoteric_

Time to break up with your first girlfriend? I think it's time you ended things with both your mistresses (they're not girlfriends, they're bits on the side, stop fooling yourself).

There is a lot I want to say but it could have me banned so I'll just say the following -

There is a reason you are cheating so badly on your wife. If you want this relationship to work, you need to dump BOTH of the other women and get counselling or something to figure out why you did what you did and what you can do to ensure it doesn't happen again. That said, I highly doubt you actually care about saving your marriage as you said yourself that you think it's time to dump ONE of the women.


And I pity the first 'girlfriend.' You've duped her as well as your wife and you should be ashamed of yourself for hurting an innocent woman like that, and for the hurt your wife will feel if she ever finds out.

Distorted

Not going to be tempted into saying the obvious, but how difficult is this really OP? One is a holiday fling from another country, the other lives abroad. Just drop contact with both. You also have a wife you are disinterested in so you should get divorced and deal with the financial fallout that entails. In the future, perhaps be a bit more discerning so that your choice of partner is sufficient to keep you interested.

It sounds like you are boasting about your ability to bed multiple women and the problems that arise from it, but it honestly comes down to standards. If you sleep with almost anyone you meet then this is what happens. They probably wouldn't have had anything to do with you if you hadn't lied so its not exactly a sign of a stud, but simply a good liar. This is not noteworthy behaviour.

squonk

I'm probably going to get banned but OP you need to stop thinking with your dick and start to use your brain. You're married FFS. While affairs can and do happen to married people, carrying on with two people at once besides your wife shows that you have some serious problems. You have no respect for your wife and none either for the two other girls involved here. Get yourself sorted out. Get some counselling. I wouldn't think it's something wrong with your marriage so much as something wrong with you so I'd seek personal counselling before going down the marriage counselling route. Have you plans to tell your wife what's been going on or is it acceptable to you to keep her int he dark about all of this?

ceadaoin.

Fredanon wrote: »

However, 2 years ago I met another girl and we started sleeping together. She is from another country so we met for holidays and weekends away. She is actually the niece of an ex-girlfriend so we had to keep it a secret from everybody.

I never told my girlfriend about my wife so she always harbours hopes of us getting married and living together.

So the reason you had to keep your girlfriend a secret was because she is the niece of an ex girlfriend? Not because you're actually MARRIED!

Why do you hardly mention your wife in all this? You clearly have no intention of stopping cheating. You're only concerned about keeping these women on the side, but not too seriously.

Fredanon wrote: »

I like her a lot and I already tried to break up a few times to give her the opportunity to have a real relationship but she was too upset and I caved in. My head is wrecked.

I'm presuming that as far as she is concerned she is in a real relationship seeing as you have not told her about your wife. If this is what you really wanted for her you would tell her the truth and let her make up her own mind. Instead you have selfishly strung her along for years.

You have serious issues OP if you think behaving like this is acceptable. The only outcome will be you ending up alone after they all find out about each other and tbh it's nothing more than you deserve.

Emme

OP, you are a lying, cheating, selfish, pathetic, lowdown excuse for a human being. Your selfishness and lack of concern for the women in your life (WIFE and two mistresses) suggests that you totally lack empathy.

I'll probably get a yellow card or a red card for moralising, but OP your behaviour is despicable and the sad thing is that you're not the only man out there who behaves in such a way.

For the good of all three women get out of their lives. I feel most sorry for your wife and I hope that you make it up to her financially for the way you have treated her since your marriage. And that she finds out the truth about you and gets a very good divorce lawyer.

You deserve to end up alone and miserable but unfortunately there will always be lonely gullible women for the likes of you to prey on.

Maple

Emme, infracted for personal abuse of OP.

I get that infidelity is a hot topic for most but please keep it civil.

Maple

musicinyou

my god, this world and some of the people in it never fail to make me laugh!(in a bad way, not a good way)

one thing we can be sure of is, Karmas coming to get this guy, if theres one thing im evident of is Karma is alive and well!

i ate my friends buscuit when he left the room, but of crack like, it came back the next day, bought a sambo at lunch and i put it in the fridge and some lifted it!!!

do the right thing man! deep in your soul you know you should do the right thing!

DangerMouse27

This is a TROLL!! not me but the original OP

ok we get it,everyone is impressed..your amazing..wow! is that the real mona lisa in your front room? oh my god, did you kill Kennedy? im sure you hear this all the time but you look like Ben Affleck.

pathetic..leave the mails to people with real problems coz yours is you!

Maple

This thread is done in my opinion.

Locked

Maple