Does he fancy me!?

LegacyUser

I've known a guy for about ten years. he's not somebody I see all the time, but we know each other through school friends and have lots of mutual friends.
I never fancied him much in school, and probably the first time I realised I fancied him was when I was about 19 (7 Years ago) when we were out one night. We ended up chatting and laughing all night, have the same kinda sense of humour etc. Nothing happened!
A few months later I spotted him out again and we'd had a few drinks, I said to him that I kind of fancied him. He told me that he had just started seeing a girl and if he'd known a few months before he would have jumped at the chance.
As it turned out, he ended up staying with that girl for about 2-3 years and although I'd see him now and again, I never thought any more of the situation.
When they broke up we were out for a mutual friends birthday and ended up kissing, at the time (this was about 3 years ago-sorry for the longwindedness of this post!!) I was well aware that he was not over his ex and I was almost certainly a rebounder! We had a few more encounters but he then went travelling for about a year and there was nothing more to it. Over the years though, various people such as mutual friends or girlfriends of his friends did tell me that it was common knowledge among his group that he had always had a bit of a thing for me.
Fast forward to this year!! I bumped into him in town one night, kissed him again and this time ended up going home with him. As we know each other really well we had great time and it was in no way awkward the nxt day, we stayed in bed chatting for hours. After this night I was absolutely smitten. He dropped me home and I really really wanted to ask for his number but chickened out. (I'd had his number years ago but lost my phone since)
It was ages til i saw him again, I could easily have gotten his number off anyone we both know but I was just stubborn and terrified of rejection!
Ended up with him twice more, the first time he disappeared at the end of the night and I just thought nah that's it, he's not interested. I went back to a house party and his friend showed me a text from him saying "*** must think I'm a total spa, can you tell her I'm so sorry, (his friends name) went mental with me cos apparently he thought he was in there with her and then I kissed her"
Now, about 2 wks ago, 2 weeks after our last meeting, we were out again. This time he came straight over, grabbed my hand, brought me over to his group of friends (one of whom is a really good friend of mine) and we were together the whole night. He kept buying me vodka and red bull so I ended up totally pissed and had a bit of a black out. We ended up going back to a friend of his house and we fell asleep in their sitting room, one on each sofa. I woke up in the morning TOTALLy paranoid as could not remember a thing.(Def didn't sleep together though as we were both plastered) It was 6am and I was at his friends house. I was so wrecked and freezing that all of a whim I just decided to make my way home without waking him. I was convinced I must have made a fool of myself as couldn't remember a thing.
Decided on the Tuesday that I would bite thebullet and email him. He doesnt have a facebook so I had an email address from him from the days where people forwarded emails onto each other so Im not entirely sure he still uses it. Said something like "Jesus sorry abotu the other night, hope you didnt have to look after me too much as I can't remember a thing. I woke up and took a notion to leave at 6am. I owe you a drink the next time I see ya"
And nothing!! No email back! THEN i was talking to my friend that he'd been out with that night, and SHE said that when we were in the niteclub, he went to the bar and some guy said "who's the girl you're with?" And he said "oh that's ***** I want her to have my babies!"
This is all the evidence I can think of! But I can't help but wonder why he hasn't contacted me like ever! Mixed signals all over the place!! i consider him slightly out of my league, but my friends think I am out of his but then they are my friends
Advice ppl!!!!

Miss Fluff

It's impossible to know if he fancies you.

I do think if there is a genuine interest there that you are both wasting a lot of time though. If you have mutual friends just get his number and send him a casual text. If he doesn't respond to that then you have your answer once and for all.

The email address you used could now be defunct or he might rarely check it so I wouldn't be relying on him having even seen your message.

I am a friend

IMHO, he has had plenty of opportunities to ask you out properly

This is going back and forth for a long while. Why not play a bit hard to get the next night out (no offense meant), drink a bit less and then you will be better able to gauge his reactions to you. I wouldnt waste a lot of time pining for him but do keep an open mind as to something happening. Good luck.

ManOfMystery

In fairness, he would have woken up the morning after your last night out - and you were nowhere to be seen. No cheerio, no goodbye, just gone. So he may be just as unsure about your intentions as you are about his!

I wouldn't rely on that email either, he probably hasn't even checked it if it's an old address.

Look, you both have mutual friends, so why not just get his number off one of them? It's a very easy solution to this long-running story you have posted above. Ask him out for a drink or a meal - maybe something this time that doesn't involve you both pissed or with large groups of people - and see how it goes.

If he doesn't want to go on a date, that will tell you how he feels. You've nothing really to lose here.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your advice! Yeah I'm also leaning towards playing it cool as if he HAS recieved the email and then I attempt to contact again then I'm at the risk of seeming a little bunny boiler-ish!
ManOfMystery thanks for the vote of confidence! It's true, maybe he does think that, but maybe he doesnt care!?!
Anyway really appreciate all of your opinions, I will play it by ear for a little while, see if I bump into him anytime soon and then maybe start doing something about it!

Sleepy

I am a friend wrote: »

IMHO, he has had plenty of opportunities to ask you out properly

This is going back and forth for a long while. Why not play a bit hard to get the next night out (no offense meant), drink a bit less and then you will be better able to gauge his reactions to you. I wouldnt waste a lot of time pining for him but do keep an open mind as to something happening. Good luck.

Ignore this completely unless you want to be thought of a total head-wreck.

Ask him out. Get his number from one of those mutual friends and call him. My money says he'll be delighted.

I am a friend

Sleepy wrote: »

Ignore this completely unless you want to be thought of a total head-wreck.

Ask him out. Get his number from one of those mutual friends and call him. My money says he'll be delighted.

Ignore this completely.

I mean dont jump into bed with him again and if you normally rush over to him to say hi then sit back and see if he comes to you. There are no games involved but its no hard to make yourself less available.

I still think he has had plenty of chances to ask you out already.

Kiera

It doesn't sound like he's that into you. You've been with each other quite a few times at this stage and he hasn't once asked for your number or offered his. If he was that into you he would have done either and asked you out on a date by now. Seems like you're just someone to kiss on a night out. Sorry for being so harsh.

discus

Kiera wrote: »

It doesn't sound like he's that into you. You've been with each other quite a few times at this stage and he hasn't once asked for your number or offered his. If he was that into you he would have done either and asked you out on a date by now. Seems like you're just someone to kiss on a night out. Sorry for being so harsh.

I'd disagree to be honest. Maybe that's how he assumes these things start off. Based on my own mates, it seems that - among ourselves, anyway - that asking for a number and all that lark is quite metropolitan. Especially if it's going well at the start; if he can count on seeing her often around town, why rush it?

The only definite way of course is for her to suggest a date, or ask him if he's gonna call her. Otherwise, she (and we!) will never know!

Kiera

discus wrote: »

I'd disagree to be honest. Maybe that's how he assumes these things start off. Based on my own mates, it seems that - among ourselves, anyway - that asking for a number and all that lark is quite metropolitan. Especially if it's going well at the start; if he can count on seeing her often around town, why rush it?

The only definite way of course is for her to suggest a date, or ask him if he's gonna call her. Otherwise, she (and we!) will never know!

I just know from the lads/girls i know, they will ask for a number of someone they really like so someone else doesnt snap them up

I am a friend

discus wrote: »

why rush it?

To make sure she isnt snapped up by someone else....

Wompa1

Wow, at 26 I think you need to start being a bit less immature when it comes to guys. That's not meant as causing offense. I'm 26 myself, if I was the guy I'd probably be thinking, well she's not that into me but she's good for a kiss or sex every once in a while. Don't think there's many guys out there that would try and spoil that sweet deal for themselves by trying to complicate it with becoming too close. Also if he's already had sex with you before showing any sort of commitment, it sometimes kills some of the mystique.

Having said that I don't cope well with guilt and so I don't do ONS. I tried with the understanding that's all it was and the girl still expected me to be in contact and plan a meet up. Not for me!

The want to have babies thing was a joke. You shouldn't read into that. Only way you will get an answer is by asking him. But seeing as though he hasn't contacted you, I doubt he's too fussed

discus

Kiera wrote: »

I just know from the lads/girls i know, they will ask for a number of someone they really like so someone else doesnt snap them up

True, but that thought might not even be going through his head! If I was getting on well with a girl like that - and it was reciprocal, I wouldn't be worried about her diving off with the next guy who shows an interest. If she did, well, then it's a good sign that she wasn't too into me anyway!