Inviting Priest to the Dinner

heebusjeebus

Hey All,
I plan on getting married in a parish alien to both me and my Fiancee.
I'm not religious but my Fiancee and her family are. We dont know the priest so we just want a quick and dirty ceremony then out the gap to the Reception.
We have booked the church for the ceremony and they will provide the local priest.
Must we extend an invitation to the priest to come to dinner?
Does the priest expect to come to dinner?

Thanks,

HJ

RP Mc murphy

Priest is normally at the wedding dinner. Ask him out of politeness, he may not want to attend.

Tabnabs

We didn't ask as we didn't know him and are in no way religious.

He invited himself when standing on the alter during the ceremony...

heebusjeebus

Tabnabs wrote: »

We didn't ask as we didn't know him and are in no way religious.

He invited himself when standing on the alter during the ceremony...

The cheeky begger

Was he put in the top table? The problem we face are limited places and I dont think we can fit him in the top table.

Cat Melodeon

It's common practice (and some would say good manners) to invite the priest. It's not about being religious or not. If you're not religious and no one at the wedding knows him, he probably won't come. If he does, just stick him at a table of older guests. It was tradition to put the priest on the top table (as the officiating person at a religious ceremony), but there's absolutely no need for that. Religious family members would expect to see the priest there, and to see him bless the wedding cake and lead the prayer before the meal. If you're not doing any of that, make sure your best man/MC knows to fill in the gaps.

Btw it's also customary to provide the photographer/videographer with a meal at the reception as well if they are going to be working through to the end of the reception. It's not necessary to have them in the actual function room, but it's usual to offer to pay for their meal too.

Tabnabs

heebusjeebus wrote: »

The cheeky begger

Was he put in the top table? The problem we face are limited places and I dont think we can fit him in the top table.

We were full to capacity. It was a "small" wedding but at a very plush and expensive venue. We had to have him as one of the guests +1

Should the priest be there? If he's not a family friend then not really. Will he come if invited? Probably!

helimachoptor

It's common practice at the country weddings i've been at.
I'm getting married next year but the priest is the brides uncle so he'll have to come:)

eyescreamcone

Let those who pay the piper call the tune!!!

If you want/don't want him at it both are right!
It's your day have it your way!

denhaagenite

Tabnabs wrote: »

We didn't ask as we didn't know him and are in no way religious.

He invited himself when standing on the alter during the ceremony...

Why did you have a religious ceremony?

I think it would be good form to invite the priest, I presume that he will be quite involved in the wedding considering your wife to be is religious. It's a bit different to having a registrar, I didn't meet ours until I was saying my vows.

It all depends on what kind of rapport you build up with him. If we had got married in a church it would have been my local, and we know the parish priest there a bit because he did my nan's funeral and used to be the parish priest where my mother teaches so in that event we would have invited him. Purely hypothetical though.

heebusjeebus

Thanks for the replies everyone.
I think we'll invite him to the dinner out of politeness but have him sit at one of the guests tables.
The head table is round and can only fit 10 (B&G, 2 bridesmaids, bestman, groomsman, 4 parents).

Cat Melodeon, thanks for the heads up about the photographer. Its these things I'd never think of!

tinkerbell

No, I would not invite the priest. Unless you actually know him and he is a family friend who you would want at your wedding reception, then fine ask him, but if you don't know him - why would you ask him?

You wouldn't ask a civil ceremony registrar to attend your reception - so why is a priest so special? I wouldn't invite someone I didn't know.

Clare Bear

We'll be inviting him. He's marrying us so he will always be a part of our lives when we look back on our wedding day even if we never see him again so I think it would be a nice gesture to ask him. I presume we'll get to know him better as the wedding gets closer anyway. I think most couples ask the priest from all the weddings I've been to over the years. Each to their own though.

Heineken Helen

tinkerbell wrote: »

No, I would not invite the priest. Unless you actually know him and he is a family friend who you would want at your wedding reception, then fine ask him, but if you don't know him - why would you ask him?

You wouldn't ask a civil ceremony registrar to attend your reception - so why is a priest so special? I wouldn't invite someone I didn't know.

We didn't know the priest but we never even thought twice about asking him... he was always gonna be invited. He didn't come as he had plenty of committments but he performed our wedding for us... the most important thing we've done by far. And he did it beautifully. He was also hilarious... why wouldn't you invite him? He was an important part of the day. If you're not religious, why get married in a church? Or by a priest? If you just want the 'tradition' well at least thank him for doing something he really shouldn't do by giving him a free meal.

Toots

We didn't invite our priest, not because we had anything against him or anything, but my MIL works in the parish office and when we asked her she said often they feel obliged to go and have loads of other stuff to be doing. Our priest had 3 other weddings on that week and he was saying how much he had on so she said 'Oh I'm sure x and y wouldn't mind if you didn't go to their reception, sure that'll give you an afternoon to get some things sorted' and apparently he looked relieved! We wouldn't have minded inviting him because he was really nice and he knows a good few of my husband's family, however there's another priest in our parish who's horrible and if he'd been marrying us there's no way I'd have invited him. (I'd have been devastated if we'd gotten him!!)

I think each to their own, considering it's often pot luck which priest will be marrying you I'd say only invite him if you know him or if you want to. If he's some crabby old fart why would you want him at your wedding reception? Also looking at it from the priest's point of view, if he knows absolutely nobody going to the wedding I'm sure he wouldn't relish being stuck at a table full of strangers trying to make awkward small talk.

tinkerbell

Heineken Helen wrote: »

We didn't know the priest but we never even thought twice about asking him... he was always gonna be invited. He didn't come as he had plenty of committments but he performed our wedding for us... the most important thing we've done by far. And he did it beautifully. He was also hilarious... why wouldn't you invite him? He was an important part of the day. If you're not religious, why get married in a church? Or by a priest? If you just want the 'tradition' well at least thank him for doing something he really shouldn't do by giving him a free meal.

You ask "why wouldn't you invite him" but why would you invite him? You don't know him, you're paying him (either directly to him or as an overall church donation) to do the ceremony, he's a priest - that's his job, it's not something he "really shouldn't do" - marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic church, only a priest can give you that sacrament in the eyes of the church.

And I never said I'd get married in a church, I won't be getting married in a church. I would find it really hypocritical of myself to get married in a church when I do not attend mass (even though I am a Roman Catholic).

If I was getting married in a church, I would invite the priest if I knew him personally. I wouldn't invite him for the sake of inviting him. I don't consider it rude either. He's doing one of the many duties that a priest does. If I were getting married in a church, I actually even know which priest I would ask if he would do me the honour and perform the ceremony and of course I would invite him as he is a family friend. But if it was just some random priest that I did not know, well no.

Anyway, regardless - I think the OP has heard both sides so only they can decide!

Heineken Helen

tinkerbell wrote: »

You ask "why wouldn't you invite him" but why would you invite him? You don't know him, you're paying him (either directly to him or as an overall church donation) to do the ceremony, he's a priest - that's his job, it's not something he "really shouldn't do" - marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic church, only a priest can give you that sacrament in the eyes of the church.

To some of us, it's more than just him performing his job! Fair enough, you won't get married in a church but many people who do simply pay the priest and expect him to do what he's paid for. However, to many of us, it's a lot more than that. I can't imagine getting married in a church and not understanding what the priests role actually is. It's a beautiful thing and much more than just a job. To compare him to a photographer or any supplier kinda belittles what the whole thing is all about. I wouldn't say, as a person, he's more important than anyone else... but on the day of your wedding he certainly plays the most important role! If you're not religious, that's a completely different thing. I'm not even all that religious but I take the whole thing seriously and I really think a priest should at least be given the option to be present for the whole day!

And what he 'really shouldn't do' is marry two people who don't believe in the words they are saying. Really!

tinkerbell

Well we can agree to disagree And I do agree that what a priest shouldn't really do is marry two people who don't believe in the whole thing, i.e. they never attend mass, don't care about religion, yet want the photo ops in the church - but that's a whole other debate for another time

And a wedding ceremony can be as special as you want it to be - either by a priest or by a civil ceremony registrar. Just because he's a priest, doesn't make him better than anybody else.

Bubblegums

We invited our priest and he came, he had been very good with all the things and paper work etc as we were from different parishes etc

We actually like the guy too, we are not mass goers, but I'd be religious. He seemed really chuffed to be invited and I think it is a nice thing to do, lots of people probably never invite them and it seems to me a tad bit rude after the work they do before and on the day with you.

I feel that if a person is not religious and are clock watching to just hot foot it to the reception, they should not book a church ceremony and then worry if they should or shouldn't invite the priest. They are just booking the church for the look and the photos for the day... :rolleyes:

It's just my opinion, but I could end up being eaten alive for that lol

tinkerbell

Bubblegums wrote: »

We invited our priest and he came, he had been very good with all the things and paper work etc as we were from different parishes etc

We actually like the guy too, we are not mass goers, but I'd be religious. He seemed really chuffed to be invited and I think it is a nice thing to do, lots of people probably never invite them and it seems to me a tad bit rude after the work they do before and on the day with you.

I feel that if a person is not religious and are clock watching to just hot foot it to the reception, they should not book a church ceremony and then worry if they should or shouldn't invite the priest. They are just booking the church for the look and the photos for the day... :rolleyes:

It's just my opinion, but I could end up being eaten alive for that lol

Exactly - I agree with you. If you are actually getting married in a church because you are practicing catholic or whatever then presumably you will know the priest who will marry you and you'll want him at the reception because you have already built up a friendship with them.

If you're just someone who wants the look of the church for the wedding photos and just to be seen to get married in the church, then you should not be getting married in a church - it is actually insulting to those who do practice their religion and makes a mockery of the whole thing. But anyways

hoodwinked

Just a note and i would say i am not in the minority here, i am not religious but i am getting married in a church, because i like many others am marrying a person who is very religious.

it makes no difference to me if we got married in a church or castle, but it does matter to him, he wants to be married in a church so therefore i agreed since its the civil part which is important to me, and that can be done in a church.

we will be bringing the priest to our meal/reception as even though i am not religious he is doing (and will do) so much work i'd feel it rude to invite him to the church and not the afters.

POKERKING

we dont know the priest that well but will be inviting him to the dinner as assumed it was the done thing.

At our marriage course the guest priest told us if we were going to invite him then we should send him an invitation so we sent him one along with all our guests. If he goes he will say grace etc etc i see no problem in having the priest there personally and assumed it was standard.....

watna

We're inviting the Minister to our reception but I don't know if he'll come or not. My father is very involved in the church so he does know my family well (but not me). He'd only do one or two weddings a year as well so that's not an issue for him. Luckily he's not married as apparently if he was, I'd be expected to invite his wife as well which would add an extra number to it.

I wouldn't even think of not inviting him, it's just polite imo and as Clare Bear said they are a big part of your day. If he does come then he'll be seated at the top table too. He's been so good to us about the wedding and extremely flexible. I'd like to have him there.