Gf flirting online

LegacyUser

I have an issue that is putting some strain on my 9-year relationship. My girlfriend (we are both female btw) spends a large amount of time on Twitter. A few weeks ago her phone (which she uses to check Twitter) was broken and whilst she was waiting for it be fixed she added her twitter account to my phone and was using it to check twitter. When she got her own phone back her twitter account was still on my phone and I looked at it for a while and saw a lot of very flirty direct messages between her and another person. She also mentioned me in a not very flattering light in some of the messages. I confronted her about the messages and she said that they were harmless, tongue-in-cheek and meant nothing. She has met this person (who is also in a long-term relationship) for coffee a few times.

I should mention that about three years ago my gf was messing around with someone else, she says she didn't sleep with them - only kissed them, and lied to me on a number of occasions about where she was when she was with this person. She was texting them a lot and used to hide her phone from me at the time so I wouldn't see what was going on.


Initially when I confronted her about the Twitter messages she was apologetic and kept insisting that everything was harmless. She has since spent some time with other friends and discussed the situation with them and her tone has changed to one of chastising me for looking at her messages. I have never lied to or cheated on my gf but now she says she doesn't trust me because I was looking at her private twitter messages. She has changed her password to make sure that I can't look at her account and says that noone has the right to read other people's private correspondence. I told her that by changing her password she has just made me more suspicious.

I am really finding it hard to trust her now and it brings back memories of what went on three years ago.

gerryk

In my experience when someone tries to turn an argument back on the other person, they have a reason to deflect, or at least divide the blame.

Magicmatilda

So she cheated on you physically three years ago. At that time did she promise to be faithful, did she apologise, ask for forgiveness?? Under what terms did you stay together?

She is now flirting online and make disrepectful comments about you. I think it would be the comments about you that would hurt me the most. Why do you want to stay with this person?

I think if I were you I would leave, although I am not in a 9 year relationship. But to be honest she doesn't appear to have much respect for you, now is the time to show how much you have for yourself. It appears you are allowing her to treat you this way, so why would she act any differently?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. Three years ago yes she apologized and begged for forgiveness. We stayed together because she said that it meant nothing and she was just flattered by the other woman because I wasn't giving her enough attention. She was also on a fairly extreme diet at the time and said that this had an impact on her mental state.

The reason I got suspicious and looked at her Twitter was because she was being a bit protective of her phone again, carrying it into the shop with her whilst running in for a newspaper when I was waiting in the car. She also sleeps with her phone right beside her and usually under her pillow (she says this is because she uses it as a clock because we don't have one in our bedroom). She said the flirting was just a big flattering game and meant nothing and there was no intent behind it.

I want to stay with her because I do love her and 9 years is a long time. Just finding it really hard to trust her at the moment. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to trust her. I don't know. One thing that really bothers me is that she discussed the whole thing with our mutual friends, and she said that they agreed she was wrong to flirt but that I was just as bad for looking at her messages.