When trust is broken, is it gone?

LegacyUser

Very brief and to the point, 4 years with OH, live in his house last two years, love him to bits, thought he was the one, marriage, kids the lot. He went on hols, kissed a girl and I have found out... when trust is broken is it gone?

lordgoat

Guest12345 wrote: »

Very brief and to the point, 4 years with OH, live in his house last two years, love him to bits, thought he was the one, marriage, kids the lot. He went on hols, kissed a girl and I have found out... when trust is broken is it gone?

Sadly i think it is.

Take a few days or weeks to yourself and see how it sits with you.

Only you know how much you can bear.

gypsy_rose

It's up to you.

On the one hand if you think your relationship is very valuable and worth hanging onto, you could try to reclaim the trust slowly over time (maybe a year?) if he deserves it back. Things like calling at the time he says he will, keeping promises, whatever you want.

However if you're like me and find cheating unforgiveable then I don't know if you could get it back. At least it was just a kiss. Talk it over and see if you can come to a solution.

Good luck.

Esel

Brief reply - you can never trust him not to kiss another girl while on holiday.

How did you find out, btw? Did he tell you? If so, was he drunk at the time? Not an excuse, but certainly mitigating circumstances...

squishykins

Depends I think. You know him best, did he tell you as soon as it happened, was he full of remorse? Or did you find out otherwise? Did he go on the defensive at all? Every situation is different, only you know how much your trust has been breached, and only you can realise whether you can trust him again, nobody can tell you the right answer

DazMarz

Kissing is fairly mild, in fairness! Unless you're using "kissing" as a metaphor for something else, I don't think that 'trust' has been broken in a major way! Hell yeah, if he had slept with someone else or even had had any kind of sexual contact with another woman, but I think kissing is not something to be too worried about.

It could also have been a case if he was on holidays and if he was drunk or something that he could have just gotten a little carried away.

I personally don't think that such a minor and small incident should lead to the cessation of what sounds like a fairly successful relationship.

SheRa

I would see kissing as cheating. To explain it as getting carried away, makes me wonder how he let himself get in that situation.

By the way op, id wonder if it was only kissing, especially as he was away and easily have stayed in hers and you'd never had known.

If he valued your relationship, was afraid of losing you, do you honestly think that he would have done it?

Acoshla

DazMarz wrote: »

Kissing is fairly mild, in fairness! Unless you're using "kissing" as a metaphor for something else, I don't think that 'trust' has been broken in a major way! Hell yeah, if he had slept with someone else or even had had any kind of sexual contact with another woman, but I think kissing is not something to be too worried about.

It could also have been a case if he was on holidays and if he was drunk or something that he could have just gotten a little carried away.

I personally don't think that such a minor and small incident should lead to the cessation of what sounds like a fairly successful relationship.

What might be minor to you might be a dealbreaker to the OP or others. Kissing to me is cheating just as much as sex is, is being physically close to a person other than the person you're in a relationship with, regardless of the level of contact.

OP as already said it's up to you, and how you feel about what happened. If it's something you think you can forgive and forget then do, but if you think you can't forget it or that it might happen again then the trust is broken.

gypsy_rose

if you think you can't forget it or that it might happen again then the trust is broken.

I think this is the soundest piece of advice you'll get