What is confidence?

Samich

Ask any women what they find attractive and they'll say confidence, but what exactly is it?

I just act normal, don't act as if I own the place. Is this a lack of confidence?

Of course the obvious one would be smiling I suppose as a sign of confidence.

What do you think confidence is?

Sunnyisland

Being sure of yourself,(not to be mixed up with always been right)Also having the belief in yourself that you can succeed in anything you put your mind to.

Dravokivich

Samich wrote: »

I just act normal, don't act as if I own the place. Is this a lack of confidence?

Acting like you own the place isn't confidence.

Samich wrote: »

Of course the obvious one would be smiling I suppose as a sign of confidence.

Smiling doesn't necessarily mean you are confident, or even happy either.

Samich wrote: »

What do you think confidence is?

Confidence to me as a personality trait isn't an easy thing to pin down. I suppose in the instance you are describing if would be the ability to go ahead, put yourself forward and do something, without the fear of a reprisal from it. Depending on the "something" though, we could very easily be describing arrogance as well.

py2006

I find overly self confident people very off putting!

paulmclaughlin

Confidence is believing you can do anything even if it's unlikely you will succeed. And without fear of what people think.

krudler

py2006 wrote: »

I find overly self confident people very off putting!

It depends, theres a thin line between confidence and cockiness, nothing wrong with being sure of yourself at all, but once you stray into thinking you're just full of champion stuff then its annoying

Samich

what happens if you're just not a naturally confident person? Just normal?

minidazzler

Samich wrote: »

what happens if you're just not a naturally confident person? Just normal?

I faked it, really put myself out there. eventually I noticed that I wasn't shy in any way anymore.

Samich

minidazzler wrote: »

I faked it, really put myself out there. eventually I noticed that I wasn't shy in any way anymore.

and are you naturally confident now?

Marty McFly

For me confidance is jsut about having believe in yourself accepting yourself for your flaws and strengths and stiving to achieve the goals you set in your life, and always holding your head high, never afraid to be heard.

Not to be confused with cockyness were you believe you have no flaws and are a step above all other people.

DeVore

I'm told I have a lot of "self confidence". This isnt really true as I'm fairly wracked with self doubt and questioning a lot of time but when it comes time to make a decision, simply make the best decision you can and the proceed as if it was the only option.

Have the courage of your own convictions, realise that some people are going to like you and some arent regardless of what you do so you might as well act in a way that means YOU like you and that way you are already 1 up

DeV.

minidazzler

Samich wrote: »

and are you naturally confident now?

I wouldn't call it naturally given I had to develop it, but I am far more confident in myself now.

Snowie

Its how you walk its how you beheave in soical scenarios its how you deal with things when they go wrong. Its how you deal with things its your sense of humour.


confidance is different with every one.

Wibbs

DeVore wrote: »

Have the courage of your own convictions, realise that some people are going to like you and some arent regardless of what you do so you might as well act in a way that means YOU like you and that way you are already 1 up

DeV.

This + 1000. Being wracked with doubts over a decision is a good thing and more a good thing the bigger the decision is. I don't trust people who have no doubts. Life is too full of grey areas not to. Thing is too many stop at this point and get bogged down with the doubts. Confidence is balancing and making a decision in the face of such doubts.

Logical Fallacy

Wibbs wrote: »

This + 1000. Being wracked with doubts over a decision is a good thing and more a good thing the bigger the decision is. I don't trust people who have no doubts. Life is too full of grey areas not to. Thing is too many stop at this point and get bogged down with the doubts. Confidence is balancing and making a decision in the face of such doubts.

Exactly, it's like the saying about bravery, it's not the absence of fear but rather the taking of action of in the face of it.

Doubt is nothing but a thought process, a method by which human size up possibilities and come to conclusions...confidence is what allows us to take action after that process.

I would never say that people who have doubts or are too self aware lack confidence, it's merely when the former impinges on our ability to act that there would be a confidence issue.

KyussBishop

Generally, confidence is having adequate knowledge/experience (and ability to accurately weigh up risks) to feel comfortable doing something (and sometimes, to do something despite feeling uncomfortable).

It's not about 'believing' you can do something (belief can be faked, that is false confidence), it's about having the knowledge/experience to know your capable of doing something, and of being able to deal with it if things go wrong.

How you define and apply the definition though, depends on the context.
I think that what the OP is referring to is social confidence; that's not something you innately have, it's something you need to work on by getting out there more and working on your social skills (if they do need work), and working on specific problems you might have socially.

Confidence is a hard one to define. A lot of the time other things like arrogance, cockiness or even charisma can be mistaken for confidence.

For me I would define it as someone who judges themselves by their own standards and not the standards of others. I would also define it as someone who is free of worry about how others are going to judge them.

Examples:

When I am out running with the hound I am judging my progress based on my own personal limits and not looking at others and feeling inadequate compared to the ones faster or with more stamina than I. Nor am I worried that as they overtake me and make me look relatively inferior they are probably judging me as inferior to them.

When I am driving my car I judge my own safety, speed and comfort in the car I have chosen. I do not look around and feel inadequate next to those with bigger, faster, louder cars. Nor am I worried that they think me inferior to them because of this.

I earn the money I require to live the life I enjoy and still have a bit left over to add to savings at the end of each month. I do not compare myself to the people with big houses, high flyer jobs, or swaning into gold card executive meetings on the top of high rise buildings.

Find the things you want to do, the life you want to lead and judge yourself by your own standards and confidence is just something that will just come to you. As such maybe confidence is not something you are or something you do, but something that results from the sum of everything else that you are and do.

Waestrel

Is confidence the same as being an Alpha male? I suppose confidence in a man is the degree to which he marches to the beat of his own drum, and no one elses. It is a thin line between confidence and arrogance in appearance, but in reality arrogance is an empty kind of confidence, without the life experience or compassion that true confidence circumscribes.

LegacyUser

Lots of good things that explain inner confidence so far, so don't have much to add. However women who you do not know may not always pick up on your inner feelings of confidence. Speaking for myself, and most women who I am friendly with, there are other little things that make a man come across as a confident type of guy.

Say you were at a party or pub, their will usually be a few who come across as fairly confident without them even having to do much at all.
It's little things like a certain stance that they stand in, and just the way they carry themselves.
It's like a very strong type of stance with legs slightly apart, and shoulders back with good posture that seems to make them look a little taller and their shoulders broader.
The way I'm describing it makes it sound like an aggressive stance, but it's not at all. It's just something they seem to do subconsciously even whilst chatting with friends.

They have no problem contributing to conversations, and seem to speak in an enthusiastic animated manner if it's a light hearted conversation, or with knowledge and sometimes authority or at least a strong conviction in more serious conversations. They have enough believe in themselves to voice their opinions, and have no fear of asking a question if it is a subject they are not familiar with.

Their friends always look at them and listen intently when they speak. They just seem to command attention without having to ask for it.

They are in general very warm, friendly, sociable and approachable, and will more often than not approach other people aswell introducing themselves, and having a chat to get to know you.

You don't have to be all things of course. A shyer guy will be just as well liked once you get chatting to them, and can see that they are just as confident.
I'm just pointing out the things that make certain men jump out immediately as being quite confident in a stranger's eyes anyways, he might feel different inside of course.