Frustrated with life

LegacyUser

I'm going through a tough period at the moment. I've had a hard time in the past dealing with various things, including mental health issues. I worked really hard to deal with all of that stuff and try to overcome it. I've gotten back on my feet in the last year or two, but again, I find depression/anxiety/highs(?) creeping up on me. I've been seeing a wonderful therapist for the past year+ but I'm so smashed now, I can't afford that at the moment. I'm on medication, but it doesn't seem to be working as well as it initially was. All in all, I feel I'm in a really bad place, but I can't access the supports I have been able to up until now. I feel so stuck and isolated.
I feel like a lost cause. I want help and support but don't feel I can reach out for it without the funds to back it up among other things. I'm not sure where to turn now or what to do.
I'm a sociable person and am well able to keep the facade up, but when I'm alone with myself, I can't bear these thoughts and wish I could bury/deal with them.
I guess I'm looking for some sort of encouragement from anyone who has felt/feels the same
Life feels like such an uphill struggle all the time

LegacyUser

Hey gof, are you working and broke, or on social welfare and broke, cause I think if you are on SW you get access to counselling services. I hope you find a way to continue with it cause if it's helping you then it's worth it.

I have had only one day of what I would call truly 'black depression'. I was out of a long-term relationship which went very, very wrong in the end, and I guess I was sinking a bit lower all the time emotionally- I withdrew too much from friends and family as I thought I'd be bad company, so from that point of view I wasn't able to put on a facade like you, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with it at the time and everyone has their own ways. Well it crept up on me and after a bottle of cava in a black glass bottle oddly enough, I was in a bad place that next day and I had a brief encounter with depression.

What I learned is that it creeps up, you don't wake up one day and it's on you. The good thing is that it works the other way round too! So you can get yourself back to being in a good place with little steps, by focussing on your good points, what you've achieved against the odds, etc. And you get there by constant efforts at positivity and blocking out any negatives. It does involve working at it and you can't ever give up and it won't work instantly but you will get there.

The one thing I needed was that kind of 'wondrous compassion' and I sincerely hope you may have someone in your life that you could confide in about how you feel and who will be there for you through this. I was able to be there for a friend and she said it was a huge help. I didn't have that person because I didn't confide in anyone and that was a mistake.

LegacyUser

Thanks imageon for your advice & kindness. It's much appreciated. I do think you're right and with a bit of focus, I can get myself back on track.