I caught my husband texting another woman

LegacyUser

I have 4 kids with my husband and we are married 4 years together 10 and i have caught him texting another woman. This is the 3rd or 4th time over the last 10 years I have caught him but he confessed tonight to chatting to women online and then texting them and he met one once about 8 years ago but says he hasn't met any others just online chatting and text. I am so sick of it I have let him away with it for so long and I have told him we are finished.

Don't even know what advice I am looking for if any just want to see what people think. My kids are all young and I depend on him financially. I don't want things to get messy. He wants to stay in the spare room and says he will get 'help' but I think I want to seperate properly because I have spent 10 years in this relationship and I feel now it was just a sham.

LegacyUser

four kids, 10 years together.....I bet there's a lot of noise in that house and very little quality time for yourself and your husband to spend together. It's been known, in fact it's quiet common for a husband and wife to drift apart when kids arrive and they can lose sight of the affection and love which first brought them together, the spark and excitement can disappear. It sounds like your husband was existing in that environment and was looking for some form of outlet to bring some excitement to his life.
I seriously think you should give him a second chance, he's offered to get help, he recognises it's wrong, he didn't physically cheat on you but it is emotional cheating, however ask yourself this, how much true emotional love has existed within your home over the past number of years. If you have the courage to attend counselling together you may pull this relationship back from the brink and find happiness again with the father of your children.

You'll also notice there's a recent post on a lady who was caught sexting, she was suffering post natal depression and used it as an outlet without intending to hurt her partner. People make mistakes, people get lonely and people get protective and angry....people can also forgive and hold on to something good.

Neyite

not_at_all_good_but_forgive wrote: »

I seriously think you should give him a second chance, he's offered to get help, he recognises it's wrong, he didn't physically cheat on you but it is emotional cheating, however ask yourself this, how much true emotional love has existed within your home over the past number of years. If you have the courage to attend counselling together you may pull this relationship back from the brink and find happiness again with the father of your children.

Hmmm, a second chance is all very well and good, but he had that already - 8 years ago, when they were only 2 years together and she caught him actually meeting up with a woman he met online. I'm pretty sure there were not 4 kids in a noisy household to blame it on that time. Or the chances she gave him the 3-4 times she has caught him after that, but before this last incident. So, I would agree with you if it was a once off, but its not. He has been doing this since early in their relationship.

OP, you have put up with this too many times and he has not changed his ways. I think that he is only suggesting getting help in light of the fact you have had enough.

You want to separate so I suggest you tell him that, and ask him to leave. Go to mediation to sort out the financial /custody side of it, and show him you mean business. If, when he sees that this is really happening, and wants to get help then thats up to him. He needs to earn his way back into your life and your marriage.

LegacyUser

I've been putting up with this kind of stuff from my OH for several years. In my experience texting and chatting online leads to more, and I wish I had had the strength to tell him to leave ages ago.

So, I totally respect and admire you for telling him that it's over and I hope you have the strength to stick to your decision.

LegacyUser

You poor thing. What a selfish and immature man!

You are doing the best thing for you by telling him to leave. You are also doing the best for your children. If you stay with him now, your self-esteem and confidence will suffer hugely, as I imagine it already has. Your children need a mother who is brave and acts when wrong is wrong, because to be honest, they don't have really much of an example with a father has shown so much disrespect to his family.

This will be really hard. But think of your children and their future. If you have daughters, you don't want them thinking it's ok to be treated like this by men. If you have sons, you don't want them to think that it is ok to do this to women.

Tell your husband to get help because either way, whether you stay together or not, he needs it. He is a father to your children. Tell him he needs to leave because you can no longer allow him to treat you or your family in this way.

Good luck.....