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Stuck with a joint mortgage with soon to be Ex

  • 30-07-2011 3:55pm
    #1
    blubells
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    Please can someone give me some advise,
    I am currently engaged to my partner of 13 years and have a joint mortgage with him.
    He is a bricklayer and built the house we currently own, but as it was family land I iwn the actual site.
    The house is right next door to all my family so naturally I dont want to sell or leave my home, but on the other aspect, I understand he built the house and loves it as much as me.
    Both our names are on the deeds of the house, and we are currently having serious relationship problems constantly fighting over either money, his drug abuse anything really just constant bickering.He had a very unloved and unhappy childhood and suffers from depression, so drugs is obviously a release for him,
    About 6 years ago we had stillborn twins due to cord entanglement so naturally this has had a effect with the depression etc.
    My problems really how to deal with his drug addiction as he is aggressive and zombie like on the poision and What will happen to the house? I do love him but do not want to waste my life and look back in 10 years with regret that I never had the courage to leave when luckily there are no more children in the equation-I cant afford to buy his half of the house and cannot stay in the same house if we are going to seperate. Any advise would be greatly appreciated Thanks so much in advance


Comments

  • #2
    Nini1990
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3 ✭Nini1990


    Just wondering has your partner ever considered rehab for his addition. I think if he received help for his drug addiction it would help matters and even improve your relationship. And does he realise he has a problem with drugs? I admire you for being in a relationship with someone who is addicted to drugs, its not easy.


  • #3
    ILikeBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 785 ✭✭✭ILikeBananas


    What kind of drugs does her husband take OP and how often?


  • #4
    ravima
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 848 ✭✭✭ravima


    if you both can't live under the one roof and neither can buy the other out, then sadly, you will need to either agree that one goes, or that the place is sold and you share the proceeds either on an agreed basis or let a judge decide.

    there's no easy way out of this one, sorry.


  • #5
    ravima
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 848 ✭✭✭ravima


    ILikeBananas wrote: »
    What kind of drugs does her husband take OP and how often?

    does it matter?


  • #6
    ILikeBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 785 ✭✭✭ILikeBananas


    ravima wrote: »
    does it matter?

    Yes, for many reasons. People who are unfamiliar with drugs often assume anyone who takes drugs is a drug addict. I'm just trying to ascertain whether the husband is a recreational user of a softer drug or a hard drug addict.

    There is a huge difference between a habitual cannabis smoker and a dependent heroin addict.

    The advice for the OP would be very different in the two above scenarios.


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  • #7
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    ILikeBananas wrote: »

    There is a huge difference between a habitual cannabis smoker and a dependent heroin addict.

    Apples and oranges - if the person cant give up either then they are a drug addict.


  • #8
    dearg lady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,091 ✭✭✭dearg lady


    I am a friend wrote: »
    Apples and oranges - if the person cant give up either then they are a drug addict.

    the point being that many people can safely use drugs without it adversely affecting their life. However in this instance OP does specify her fiance becomes aggressive so it appears it is affecting him and their relationship.

    OP, do you each own 50%? And neither could afford to buy the other out?


  • #9
    StillWaters
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,799 ✭✭✭StillWaters


    I'm sorry about the loss of your twins blubells, that sounds horrific.
    Have you both accepted the end of the relationship? Does he think he has an issue with drugs? Have you tried relatioinship counselling?

    On a practical level, can he buy you out? Just because the site is near your family, does not trump the fact this is a jointly owned house. Your land, his labour - thats just about equal. If neither can buy the other out, the only option is to sell.


  • #10
    Laisurg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 810 ✭✭✭Laisurg


    What kind of drug is he using and how often does he take it?
    If it is a soft drug then i'd suggest getting him to go see a counsellor and to try and help him with his depression since if he relies on the drug to cope with his feelings it will be extremely difficult to get him to stop depending on it until the depression is being seen to.

    If it is a hard drug that he's addicted to such as cocaine or heroin then he needs to get off them as soon as possible, i think you should try convince him that he needs to get help straight away if that's the case.


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